A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.
The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. They have little in common except their dislike for their mundane, maternally cold and domineering mother, Evelyn. Alan, a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak, is thrown out by his manipulative wife Judith who nevertheless gets him to pay for everything and do most jobs in the house. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and irresistible Cassanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Charlie "temporarily" allows Alan and his son Jake, a food-obsessed, lazy school kid who shuttles between his parents, to move in with them after Alan's separation/divorce. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyl es, raising Jake (who has the efficient, caring dad while having a ball with his fun-loving sugar uncle who teaches him boyish things), and bantering with Evelyn and various other friends and family. Other fairly regular characters include Charlie's cleaning lady Berta and his rich, self-confessed stalker neighbor Rose who often sneaks in to spy on Charlie.
22 Sep 2003
2Big Flappy Bastards
29 Sep 2003
3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
06 Oct 2003
4If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
13 Oct 2003
5The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
20 Oct 2003
6Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
27 Oct 2003
7If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
03 Nov 2003
8Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
10 Nov 2003
9Phase One, Complete
17 Nov 2003
24 Nov 2003
11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
15 Dec 2003
12Camel Filters and Pheremones
05 Jan 2004
13Sara Like Puny Alan
12 Jan 2004
14I Can't Afford Hyenas
02 Feb 2004
16That Was Saliva, Alan
16 Feb 2004
17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
23 Feb 2004
18An Old Flame with a New Wick
01 Mar 2004
19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
22 Mar 2004
20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
19 Apr 2004
21No Sniffing, No Wowing
03 May 2004
22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
10 May 2004
23Just Like Buffalo
17 May 2004
24Can You Feel My Finger
24 May 2004
1Back Off Mary Poppins
20 Sep 2004
2Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
27 Sep 2004
3A Bag Full of Jawea
04 Oct 2004
4Go Get Mommy's Bra
11 Oct 2004
5Bad News from the Clinic
18 Oct 2004
6The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
25 Oct 2004
7A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
08 Nov 2004
8Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
15 Nov 2004
22 Nov 2004
10The Salmon Under My Sweater
29 Nov 2004
11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
13 Dec 2004
12A Lung Full of Alan
03 Jan 2005
13Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow
17 Jan 2005
14Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
31 Jan 2005
15Smell the Umbrella Stand
07 Feb 2005
16Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
14 Feb 2005
17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!
21 Feb 2005
18It Was Mame, Mom
07 Mar 2005
19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
21 Mar 2005
20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
18 Apr 2005
21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
02 May 2005
22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
09 May 2005
23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
16 May 2005
24Does Something Smell Funny to You
23 May 2005
1Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
19 Sep 2005
2Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
26 Sep 2005
3Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
03 Oct 2005
4Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
10 Oct 2005
5We Called It Mr. Pinky
17 Oct 2005
6Hi, Mr. Horned One
24 Oct 2005
7Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
07 Nov 2005
8That Voodoo That I Do Do
14 Nov 2005
9Madame and Her Special Friend
21 Nov 2005
10Something Salted and Twisted
28 Nov 2005
11Santa's Village of the Damned
19 Dec 2005
12That Special Tug
09 Jan 2006
13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
23 Jan 2006
14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
06 Feb 2006
15My Tongue Is Meat
27 Feb 2006
16Ergo, the Booty Call
06 Mar 2006
17The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
13 Mar 2006
18The Spit-Covered Cobbler
20 Mar 2006
19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
10 Apr 2006
20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
24 Apr 2006
21And the Plot Moistens
01 May 2006
22Just Once with Aunt Sophie
08 May 2006
23Arguments for the Quickie
15 May 2006
24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
22 May 2006
1Working for Caligula
18 Sep 2006
2Who's Vod Kanockers
25 Sep 2006
3The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
02 Oct 2006
4A Pot Smoking Monkey
09 Oct 2006
5A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
16 Oct 2006
6Apologies for the Frivolity
23 Oct 2006
7Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
30 Oct 2006
8Release the Dogs
13 Nov 2006
9Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
20 Nov 2006
10Kissing Abraham Lincoln
27 Nov 2006
11Walnuts and Demerol
11 Dec 2006
12Castrating Sheep in Montana
08 Jan 2007
13Don't Worry, Speed Racer
22 Jan 2007
14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
05 Feb 2007
15My Damn Stalker
12 Feb 2007
16Young People Have Phlegm Too
19 Feb 2007
17I Merely Slept with a Commie
26 Feb 2007
18It Never Rains in Hooterville
19 Mar 2007
19Smooth as a Ken Doll
09 Apr 2007
20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
16 Apr 2007
21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
23 Apr 2007
22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
30 Apr 2007
23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
07 May 2007
24Prostitutes and Gelato
14 May 2007
1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
24 Sep 2007
2Media Room Slash Dungeon
01 Oct 2007
3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
08 Oct 2007
4City of Great Racks
15 Oct 2007
5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
22 Oct 2007
6Help Daddy Find His Toenail
29 Oct 2007
7The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
05 Nov 2007
8Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
12 Nov 2007
9Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
19 Nov 2007
10Kinda Like Necrophilia
26 Nov 2007
11Meander to Your Dander
17 Mar 2008
12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
24 Mar 2008
13The Soil is Moist
31 Mar 2008
14 Apr 2008
15Rough Night in Hump Junction
21 Apr 2008
16Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
28 Apr 2008
17Fish in a Drawer
05 May 2008
18If My Hole Could Talk
12 May 2008
19Waiting for the Right Snapper
19 May 2008
1Taterhead Is Our Love Child
22 Sep 2008
2Pie Hole, Herb
29 Sep 2008
3Damn You, Eggs Benedict
06 Oct 2008
4The Flavin' and the Mavin'
13 Oct 2008
5A Jock Strap in Hell
20 Oct 2008
6It's Always Nazi Week
03 Nov 2008
7Best H.O. Money Can Buy
10 Nov 2008
17 Nov 2008
9The Mooch at the Boo
24 Nov 2008
10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
08 Dec 2008
11The Devil's Lube
15 Dec 2008
12Thank God for Scoliosis
12 Jan 2009
13I Think You Offended Don
19 Jan 2009
14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
02 Feb 2009
15I'd Like to Start with the Cat
09 Feb 2009
16She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
02 Mar 2009
17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
09 Mar 2009
18My Son's Enormous Head
16 Mar 2009
20Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
13 Apr 2009
21Above Exalted Cyclops
27 Apr 2009
22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
04 May 2009Description ▼
When Chelsea's lease is up, Charlie reluctantly agrees that they should live together, but he has second thoughts about everything once the moving in process begins and Chelsea starts to nest, while the rest of the household has mixed reactions.
23Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
11 May 2009
24Baseball Was Better with Steroids
18 May 2009
21 Sep 2009
2Whipped Unto the Third Generation
28 Sep 2009
3Mmm, Fish. Yum.
05 Oct 2009Description ▼
Jake tries to take advantage of every opportunity to drive when he gets his learner's permit. Alan tries to deal with Judith's mother in an attempt to get closer to Judith's new baby. Chelsea's cat runs off after Charlie has an accident and takes it out on the cat.
4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
12 Oct 2009
5For the Sake of the Child
19 Oct 2009
6Give Me Your Thumb
02 Nov 2009
7Untainted by Filth
09 Nov 2009
8Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
16 Nov 2009
9Captain Terrys Spray-On Hair
23 Nov 2009
10Thats Why They Call It Ball Room
07 Dec 2009
11Warning, Its Dirty
14 Dec 2009
12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
11 Jan 2010
13Yay, No Polyps
18 Jan 2010
14Crude and Uncalled For
01 Feb 2010
15Aye, Aye, Captain
08 Feb 2010
16Tinkle Like a Princess
01 Mar 2010Description ▼
Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
17I Found Your Moustache
08 Mar 2010Description ▼
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
18Ixnay on the Oggie Day
22 Mar 2010Description ▼
Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave
12 Apr 2010Description ▼
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence but Alan really likes his hot mom.
20I Called Him Magoo
10 May 2010Description ▼
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience."
21Gumby with a Pokey
17 May 2010Description ▼
Alan and Jake go on a road trip while Charlie is visited by the ghosts of girlfriends past.
22This Is Not Gonna End Well
24 May 2010
1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
20 Sep 2010Description ▼
When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.
2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
27 Sep 2010
3A Pudding-Filled Cactus
04 Oct 2010Description ▼
Alan moves in with Lyndsey but continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
11 Oct 2010
5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
18 Oct 2010
6Twanging Your Magic Clanger
25 Oct 2010
7The Crazy Bitch Gazette
01 Nov 2010
8Springtime on a Stick
08 Nov 2010Description ▼
Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell, the pharmacist.
9A Good Time in Central Africa
15 Nov 2010Description ▼
When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.
10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
22 Nov 2010Description ▼
Charlie goes on a spending spree for his old fling, Courtney, who shows up after three years in prison for conning him out of money.
11Dead from the Waist Down
06 Dec 2010
12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
13 Dec 2010
13Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
03 Jan 2011
14Lookin' for Japanese Subs
17 Jan 2011Description ▼
Charlie's obsession with the newly "married" Rose leads him to stalk her. Meanwhile, Alan grows concerned when Jake and Eldridge start videotaping stupid and extremely dangerous stunts.
15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
07 Feb 2011Description ▼
While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
16That Darn Priest
14 Feb 2011Description ▼
Rose uncovers Alan's Ponzi scheme and Alan, in turn, meets "Manny," Rose's mannequin "husband." Meanwhile, Charlie is eager to get some alone time with Rose.
1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
19 Sep 2011Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" - Sept. 18, 2011We open on a casket at a funeral. Alan is giving a eulogy for Charlie, talking about how he lived life on his own terms and how much he gave to his friends and family.Many of his exes are in attendance, they all talk about the diseases he gave them: herpes, genital warts, and chlamydia. Also, his sexual proclivities.Evelyn basically tries to sell Charlie's house during the service as well.The casket is closed due to the "circumstances of his passing."We hear from the person who was with Charlie at the end: Rose. Crazy Rose from the early seasons. She says they ran away together to Paris and he asked her to marry him. She came home from shopping and found him with another woman. She says she forgave him but he accidentally fell in front of a Metro train the next day. She said he didn't feel pain: his body just exploded like a bag of meat. Jake notes that he is now hungry.Back at the house the gang reminisces. Berta says Charlie was a great boss and all he ever wanted was clean sheets and hosing the vomit off a drug-addled hooker.Alan wonders why they have to sell the house since Charlie left it to him. Evelyn points out that Alan can't make the mortgage payments. She says she can't afford to maintain her mortgage and his. She says Alan and Jake can come live with her.John Stamos comes to the open house. He realizes it's Charlie's house and can't stay because of bad memories: a threesome in which the girl passed out and he and Charlie kept going. Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson also drop by as Dharma and Greg. They are bickering, angry people now. (Best joke so far).Later in the evening Charlie's ashes arrive. Alan pulls out the urn and has a moment. He tells Charlie that he loved him and will miss him and is grateful that he took himself and Jake in. He reveals that Charlie wanted Pam Anderson to swallow his ashes. He decides to sprinkle them on the beach where pretty girls covered in oil will sit on him. But as he goes to take the urn he spies a wet, bearded man through the sliding glass doors and the ashes go everywhere as he shrieks.The man asks to use Alan's phone. He explains he was trying to drown himself but the water was too cold. He grabs the phone while Alan grabs a towel. He calls someone and says that he flung himself in the ocean because he can't live without them. The person won't take him back.Alan tries to counsel him saying he's been there: rejected, heartbroken, broke. The guy says he's not broke, he's a billionaire and he would give it all up for his wife, Bridget. He figures Alan has an okay life living in a beach house in Malibu. Alan says it's his dead brother's house and he's selling it. The guy apologizes for making Alan spill Charlie.Alan convinces the guy to go out for a drink and talk. His name is Walden Schmidt. He undresses so Alan can put his clothes in the dryer and hugs him. Alan notes his prodigious endowment.At the bar Alan asks about how he made his money. Bascially, Walden says he sold something to Microsoft. Alan mentions how well-hung Walden is. They proceed to get drunk and Walden explains that Bridget was his high school sweetheart. She said he was emotionally immature: like threatening suicide unless she took him back. Alan commiserates about his divorce. Alan tells him to try and meet someone new just for tonight like the women who just walked in. Walden asks what he should say. Alan says to try "hi." Walden tries that and then says "my wife dumped me and I want to die." She feels bad for him as he cries. Alan is disgusted that this works and then tries it on her friend.They bring the girls back to Alan's house. Walden wants to go back to his hotel but Alan says Charlie would be proud. Walden and the girls go upstairs, ditching Alan, which is depressingly familiar for him.The next morning Berta meets Walden and his impressive endowment. He tells Alan he had sex with two girls. Alan says he masturbated and cried himself to sleep. Walden says his night was better. He also likes his house so he's going to buy it. Alan thanks him. Walden hugs him as Jake and Judith walk in. Jake: "Whoa!" Judith:"I like him."
2People Who Love Peepholes
26 Sep 2011Description ▼
Judy Greer is introduced as Bridget, Walden's ex-wife.
3Big Girls Don't Throw Food
03 Oct 2011Description ▼
Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
01 Jan 1970Description ▼
Trying to rebound from his recent separation, Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right, while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
17 Oct 2011Description ▼
Alan struggles to come to terms with Lyndsey's risqué movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party at the house.
6The Squat and the Hover
24 Oct 2011Description ▼
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
31 Oct 2011Description ▼
Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
8Thanks for the Intercourse
07 Nov 2011Description ▼
When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
14 Nov 2011Description ▼
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
21 Nov 2011Description ▼
As Walden begins to finish his renovation of Charlie's old house, Alan can still feel his presence. Walden meets a woman named Pauline Parker who claims to be Jake's teacher and Bridget still claims to love Walden even though they are now divorced. Back at the house Walden suggests that Alan should have a last chance look at Charlie's bedroom before Walden makes it his. While taking a look Alan finds some old letters that gives him new insight into Charlie.
11What a Lovely Landing Strip
05 Dec 2011Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "What a Lovely Landing Strip" - Dec. 5, 2011Walden is waiting in a cafe when a sassy black woman tries to take the other chair at his table. They tussle over it until Zoey arrives. She apologizes for being late but she's working on getting her daughter Ava into a prestigiou school, Bellwood, and she tests well but doesn't give a good interview. Walden inquires after her age. She's five. In any case, a whole week after their first date-- in which Zoey pointed out that Walden was still in love with Bridget-- he's decided to show her he's ready to move on. He's brought his final divorce papers and is going to sign them in front of her. Except he doesn't have a pen. He asks aloud in the cafe who does. No one answers. Guess who does? That's right, the sassy black lady he annoyed earlier. She doesn't want to part with it though. He offers her $100 for the pen and then suddenly everyone in the place has one.Later they smooch on the balcony at his house and Walden talks in a goofy British accent and makes her laugh. In between kisses and laughs he asks if she likes Mexican food. She does. He proposes taking her to Guadalajara over the weekend. She asks if that's the name of the restaurant. He points out that it's the name of an old city in Mexico and they can take his plane. She is incredulous that he has a plane but didn't have a pen. He points out you can borrow a pen much more easily than a plane. He then starts talking about Christmas plans and she tells him to hold his horses since he's on the rebound.While this is happening on the balcony Alan and Jake are watching TV in the other room reminiscing that it's just like old times when he and his dad watched TV and the good looking owner of the house was outside making out with a hot chick.Walden enters and rhapsodizes about Zoey, but Alan and Jake both tell him to slow it down just like Zoey did. He says he wants to be in a relationship with romance, intimacy, and commitment. Jake says he gets it, Walden is a chick. Alan points out that they're living in his house. He amends it and says he's a nice chick.On the plane to Mexico Walden has them wear sombreros, sip margaritas, and eat guacamole. She muses that this is all faintly ridiculous. She points out that she's not going to sleep with him. He says he's not trying to sleep with her. She wonders why not. He then gives her a ridiculous diamond necklace and she says it's crazy. And he asks what about giving a diamond necklace to a woman you haven't slept with yet while flying to Mexico in your private plane is crazy. Once he says this aloud he hears this. He then informs her that he knew some people on the board of the school that she was trying to get her daughter into and he pulled some strings and enrolled her. Zoey jumps into his lap, thanks him, starts kissing him and undressing him. The pilot says they are about to start their descent into Mexico. He tells the pilot to circle. She says Walden's about to descend into London. We cut to the outside of the plane and hear Walden tell her she has a lovely landing strip.The next day Walden tells Alan and Jake he may be falling in love. Just then Bridget arrives and says she can't sign the divorce papers, she loves him and wants him back. He hems and haws but she drags him up to bed and starts undressing him saying how much she wants him. When he's down to his boxers he sneaks off to get counsel from Alan.He works it out that Zoey feels like the future and Bridget the past, Alan tells him to go with his heart. When it sounds like he'd have to give away half his money to Bridget if they broke up Alan tells him the future is overrated and to go with Bridget. When Walden points out that this would be easy, he could just sell this house and move back in, Alan tells him he can't live his life in the past and to go with Zoey.Walden goes to break the news to Bridget, who is now in sexy lingerie in his bed. She is pissed. So much so that she storms out and then returns, in her car through the side of the house.Later as Zoey and Walden enjoy a date in his kitchen Bridget can be seen on the balcony spying on them through the door. She is confronted by Rose who asks if she wants Walden back or wants him to suffer? Bridget says she doesn't know. Rose says it's often the same thing and she can show Bridget what to do and to just follow her. She then leaps over the balcony railing. Bridget looks bewildered but then shrugs her shoulders and follows.
12One False Move, Zimbabwe!
12 Dec 2011Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "One False Move, Zimbabwe!" - Dec. 12, 2011Walden wakes Zoey up by um, putting his head under the covers. She likes this. He hands her a gift. She protests they weren't exchanging gifts. He presses it on her saying she gave him a nice gift the previous evening. She opens the box: it's a key to his house. She thinks it's sweet but premature. She hops up saying she has to pick up her daughter and her parents. Walden says with her parents in town and his mom visiting and it being Christmas it would be a great time for everyone to get to know each other. From the bathroom she explains they're still getting to know each other. He claims he knows her. She asks him the color of her eyes. He says brown with one have a slight fleck of green and that she is a size four not two and that she runs water in the bathroom to cover the sound of her peeing. She curses. She still says no family this Christmas, kisses him and leaves. He happily notes she took the key. She opens the door and tosses him the key.Later that day, Berta is leaving. Walden says his mom is on her way up from San Diego. Berta notes the mistletoe on his Santa hat. He kisses her on the cheek. She tells him they make belt buckles with mistletoe. He says "really?" She tells him to check his stocking. He then gives her a Christmas bonus of three weeks pay and another kiss. She's disappointed he didn't put on the belt.Walden, Jake, and Alan all speak to their moms. Walden explains to his that she can't meet his new girlfriend. Jake plays his mom and says he's on his way to Alan's and tells Alan he's at the ski lodge with his mom. Alan suggests hanging with his mom, she says she'd rather get laid.Later as they're decorating Walden gloats about how it's going to be a great Christmas since he has a new girlfriend, his mother's coming, and he went to the Apple store and bought himself fun new gadgets and Alan grumbles about lack of a girlfriend, that his mother's also coming--wherever she is-- and he went to the grocery story and bought an apple. He tells Walden about his Christmas ritual with Charlie: Charlie would drink a gallon of eggnog and try to throw him out at gunpoint. Fun. Walden invites Alan to Christmas with him and his mom and points out that they're about the same age so if Alan married her he'd be Walden's new dad. Alan wonders how old Walden thinkls he is. 60? He says he's 44.Walden's mom Robin, arrives. He introduces Alan and shows off his fabulous pad. Alan like the looks of Robin. At dinner she asks if they're dating. Alan says it's more Butch and Sundance than Brokeback Mountain. She says it's a strange set up, a 33 year old living with a 60 year old. Alan says he's 44. Walden explains the situation. She says that's just like him since, as a boy, he brought home sick, helpless animals all the time.Alan asks what she does. She's a primatologist. She has a private gorilla sanctuary thanks to Walden's largesse. She says she raised Walden and a gorilla named Magilla together for the first four years of his life. Walden had thought he was imaginary. She shows them pictures. It's all starting to come back to Walden now, playing together and stuff and being told he was his brother. They sent him away when Magilla tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness. Walden is freaked out. His mom tells him to calm down. He tells her he spent his childhood worried that if he misbehaved he'd be sent to the jungle like Magilla "one false move, Zimbabwe!" She says she never knew he felt like that. He says she was too busy to notice since she was doing her experiments and storms out. Alan turns to her and shrugs and says "Kids. So, you seeing anybody?"Robin calls and leaves Walden a message on his cellphone. Alan is rethinking his gift to Walden: a bathrobe with sock monkeys on it. Robin worries Alan thinks he's a bad mom. He compares her to Evelyn and they both realize she's not so bad. Robin does say that she stored Walden's embryo in a cryogenic chamber until Magilla's mother got pregnant so they could be born at the same time. Alan calls a flag on the play. She says they needed to be born at the same time for the experiments to work, it was for science and she didn't tell her husband. Alan wonders what she learned. Her son is smarter than a gorilla.Walden gets drunk and goes to Zoey's. He tries to explain about his gorilla brother. She tries to say it's bad time and her veddy proper parents come and say hello. Walden asks her mother if she'd raise her child with a wild beast. She says she doesn't know, she has cross-bred orchids. Zoey is confused and asks what happened. He says his entire life is a lie. He says the reason he tries so hard to give her multiple orgasms is because he's afraid if he doesn't she'll banish him to Central Africa. Her mother points out that Zoey's father and she have traveled often to Africa, but she can't say that her husband has ever given her multiple orgasms.Robin calls Walden again and explains to Alan that this is what Walden did as a child, sulk away, climb a tree and beat on his chest and bellow at her. He asks if this reminds her of anyone. Yes, she says, his father. Zoey calls and tells Alan that Walden is drunk and has climbed on her roof. He hangs up, tells Robin and then asks if she wants to go to a movie. She calls him crazy and says they have to go get Walden.They head over to Zoey's roof. Alan, tremulously, climbs up to join him, mostly to impress Robin. Alan says they can't keep blaming their mothers for how their lives turned out and he points out that he knows what it's like to lose a brother and also, that his brother tried to kill a Jehovah's Witness once too. He was hung over and they just kept ringing the bell. An LAPD helicopter arrives, shines light on them and tells them to get off the roof. Walden begins gesticulating towards it like...a gorilla (like King Kong). A crowd gathers at the base of Zoey's building. Zoey emerges and she and her parents meet Robin. They say Walden is a charming young man but are confused that he thinks he's the brother of a monkey. Jake and his friend, very stoned, wander by eating pizza. Jake says he thinks that's his dad on the roof. His friend concurs and then asks if Jake wants to get some frozen yogurt. Jake does.He eventually comes down and Robin takes him and Alan to see Magilla at the sanctuary she runs. Alan tells her she's the perfect mom and woman. She tells him to give it a rest. Walden goes in and "speaks" to Magilla, via sign language. They have a slow motion hug reunion and then Magilla tickles him.
13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
02 Jan 2012Description ▼
When Walden's ex-wife and his mother try to take control of his company, he tries to enlist Alan as an ally.
14A Possum on Chemo
16 Jan 2012Description ▼
Zoey tries to coerce Walden into cutting his hair and shaving. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey rekindle their relationship.
15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
06 Feb 2012Description ▼
Walden tries to loosen up Zoey by sharing a couple of Berta's special brownies.
16Sips Sonnets And Sodomy #9.16
17Not in My Mouth!
20 Feb 2012Description ▼
Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
18The War Against Gingivitis
27 Feb 2012Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men' - "The War Against Gingivitis" - Feb. 27, 2012
Alan is struggling to remember his password. Walden enters looking for dental floss. Alan has three kinds in his pocket. Walden helps him with his password.
Walden gets a Skype call from Bridget. His old business partner Billy Stanhope called her with a business proposition for Walden. He gets twitchy thinking about him. He tells her to tell him thanks but no thanks. After the call he thinks about Billy Stanhope and screams on the balcony causing Alan to shatter a plate in the kitchen.
He asks if everything is okay. Walden says it's fine. He explains they built a software company together and sold it for a couple of billion. Except Billy didn't want to sell and went crazy and posted his crazy rants about Walden on the Internet. He calls Walden a douche and a sell out and eats his picture. He also has videos where he literally "talks out his ass." Walden gets mad watching the videos and thinking about Billy. Alan says if Walden made him rich he'd lick him from head to toe.
The next day Billy shows up at the house. Walden slams the door in his face. Alan opens it. He calls himself Walden's confidante and mentor. Billy says Bridget mentioned him as "the leech." He asks if he can talk to Walden since he has another billion dollar idea. Alan invites him in. Billy spouts off some techno-babble and begs to talk to Walden for five minutes. Alan declines. He gives Alan 50 bucks. Alan goes to talk to him.
Walden is mad that Alan let him. He says he was distracted by the words "billion dollar idea." Alan tries to explain and can't come up with the words. Walden comes up with them and realized Billy figured out something big they'd been working on: the electric suitcase. Billy wants Walden's help writing the code. Walden throws back his words in his face and asks for an apology. He offers one and Walden tapes it on his phone. Walden wants him to dance like a monkey. They then get into a physical fight which Alan tries to break up. Jake enters as they grapple and says "I'm getting too old for this crap."
Disentangled, Alan tries to get them to shake hands. They refuse and start to bicker again. They shake. They start to reminisce about old fights. And start bickering again. And apologize again. They agree to try working on it and make a plan and talk more technobabble, Alan pretends he understands. Alan offers to make cookies.
He then goes to the bar and talks to the bartender about being dismissed to 7-11 for Red Bull and Hot Pockets. He's sad because he thought Walden was his best friend and it turns out Billy is. He's sad because he doesn't have any old friends from high school or camp or anything. And Lyndsey's on vacation. The bartender is sad he has no friends and says she doesn't count. Alan goes to visit Berta.
Walden and Billy work on the coding in the kitchen and argue who has to pee more. They start downing Red Bull competitively and taunting each other about their "girly bladders." They continue to taunt each other and struggle.
Alan has brought Berta soup because she's sick. She feigns a cough. He says friends should take care of each other. She says he has been in her life longer than both her husbands and most of her underwear. They hug. She hands off a package to someone at the door and gets a big wad of money. She asks him to go to address and hand off the envelope named Shermie, whom she owes money to.
Walden and Billy run out and pee off the patio balcony. While they're peeing Billy admits he's sleeping with Bridget and has been since they broke up basically. They start to fight again.
Alan runs to his car in from a house in a bad neighborhood yelling "that's all she gave me!" and as he drives away his back window is shot out.
When Alan comes home, pee stain on his pants, he finds Walden and Billy coding in the kitchen in bathrobes, both recently showered and still bickering. They all admit to having a little accident. They're about to test the first module. Walden presses the button and says "behold the birth of the Stanhope/Schmidt electric suitcase" and the lights go out. Alan is unimpressed. Walden asks him to name a state and he says "Florida." We see the outline of North America and the light wink out in Florida. Then Canada. Then the entire U.S. That's one powerful suitcase. They both say "awesome!"
19 Mar 2012Description ▼
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers to one another. Meanwhile, Jake and Eldridge enlist Walden to drive them to a high school party.
09 Apr 2012Description ▼
21Mr Hose Says Yes #9.21
22Why We Gave Up Women
30 Apr 2012Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "Why We Gave Up Women" - April 30, 2012
Previously: Walden asked Alan to move out temporarily so he could do a trial run with Ava and Zoey. Alan moved in with Lindsey. It was disastrous on both ends.
Walden works up the courage to talk to Zoey about how tough it has been with Ava and how he doesn't want them to move in. She cuts him off and says she had her doubts but now she's on board. Classic sitcom misunderstanding! Zoey says after they work out some details they can move in. As Zoey puts her to bed he realizes that wasn't the plan.
And then Alan shows up. Walden admits that he's going to make it work. Alan yells and protests and then says he'll figure something out. He says he's a survivor. And then he has a heart attack. Walden thinks he's kidding. He's not.
At the hospital, Walden tells the intake nurse Alan is his friend and he'll take care of the bills. He will have to since his insurance is terrible. The nurse makes him check the "domestic partner" boss. Zoey thinks Alan's heart attack is "convenient" so he can get back into the house. The doctor says he'll be fine, but that he did have a mild heart attack and he'll need to rest for a month or two.
Alan wakes up to see Walden in his hospital room. He feels great because he's on a morphine drip. He says if everyone was on one there would be no more war. Walden tells him what happened and Alan remembers and his heart rate monitor goes up and Walden panics and says Alan can stay as long as he needs to and his heart rate monitor goes back to normal. Walden tells him to relax and feel better.
Alan awakes several more times and hears Walden talking to people outside his hospital curtain: Evelyn who says she doesn't know what she'd do if she lost Alan since she already lost her good son. Jake and his ex-wife who decide not to tell Alan that Jake got caught with pot in his locker. Lindsey, whom Walden tells she doesn't have to take care of Alan because he feels responsible for what happened to him so Walden will take care of him. Lindsey is fine with that.
He awakens a fourth time and is confronted by the "ghost" of Charlie. As played by Kathy Bates. She's smoking a cigar and wearing a bowling shirt. He's dubious. She tells him things only Charlie would know. Alan doesn't understand why he looks like an older woman, not unlike Kathy Bates. It's because Charlie's in hell and walking around in this "old broad's" body is supposed to be early damnation. He doesn't care though since "boobs are still boobs." Charlie has returned to tell Alan it's not too late to change his life and step up and be a man which doesn't mean going to live with Lindsey. He tells him to get his own place and pull his own weight.
Zoey and Walden bicker about Alan over video chat with Walden defending him and saying he has nowhere else to go. Zoey calls Alan the herpes of houseguests. Alan arrives and tells Walden he's going to stop being a parasite and stand on his own two feet. Alan says he found a cute place online, it's not much but he'll have his pride. Walden tries to stop him but Zoey keeps egging him on from video chat.
Alan is on the phone with Jake and tells him he can't live at the beach house either and there really isn't room for him in his new place but he'd love to have him. Alan looks around his sad new little one room, hot plate apartment and says "I'm self-sufficient and beholden to no one." A black bird lands on his sill.
Zoey jokes she misses Alan. Walden agrees before he realizes she's kidding. Zoey wants to know what Walden wants to do now that they have the house to themselves. He wants to do her on every flat surface of the house. They start to make out and Jake busts in with a girl. He claims not to have spoken to his dad.
Ghost Charlie visits Alan in his crummy new apartment. Alan wonders if Charlie is proud since he's standing on his own two feet. Charlie laughs and calls him a sucker and says he had to come back from Hell to do it but he finally got Alan out of his house. It was all a hoax. It's what they do in hell says Charlie. Alan awakes with a start and thinks it was a dream.It wasn't. Then he wakes again and it's still not a dream.
Alan returns to Walden's suitcase in hand. Outside the door he wonders how to "sell" his return. He works on his "heart attack" face. He comes in and says he forgot a few things. Walden wonders if that includes Jake. Alan gets angry saying he told Jake not to come over and that no one listens to him and then he pulls his fake heart attack. Zoey sees him and is angry. Walden calls 911.
Back in the hospital Alan awakes to hear Walden talking behind the curtain to the doctor and Zoey. The doctor says he's fine. Walden wants to know when he can take him home. Zoey is mad but Walden says he won't have Alan's death on his conscience. Alan gives a mock Academy Awards speech. Elsewhere Jake and Ghost Charlie rap in the waiting room.
23The Straw in My Donut Hole
07 May 2012Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "The Straw in My Donut Hole" - May 7, 2012
Alan returns from the hospital and Walden is treating him very gingerly and his whole family is there to welcome him home with a surprise. He feigns another heart attack just for laughs. Walden is not amused because, apparently, many members of his family have dropped dead in front of him and will continue to mention these tragic deaths throughout the show.
(For instance his Grandma Abigail came to visit once and said she was "fine" and she face-planted in his Legos. Also one of his uncles said he was fine once and then went to the bathroom and crapped out his small intestine.)
Alan ends up having the best day of his life as Walden has bought him a new bed and a plasma TV which Alan then asks for movie and porn channels on. Walden offers to pay his bills as well. Later, Judith visits and tells him not to worry about child support. Then Berta makes him dinner in bed and his favorite dessert peach cobbler with ice cream. While he is eating that and watching "Avatart," Lindsey shows up and gives him a little oral pleasure.
After going to the doctor-- played by Jason Alexander of "Seinfeld" fame-- and being given a clean bill of health, Alan decides to continue milking all of the good fortune coming his way. He gets his mother to take him shopping for cowboy clothes, Walden installs one of those little seats that glides up the stairs and orders Walden a massage. Zoey is aghast at all of this and makes her displeasure known. Then she goes to Alan as he's getting his massage and leans in tells him that she's on to him and that he can do whatever he wants to his girlfriend and family but to stop exploiting Walden. He protests that he isn't. She tells him he's been warned.
Later, the whole family confronts him again. This time it's because Zoey has had a private investigator follow him. She shows everyone video of Alan vigorously playing beach volleyball with a bunch of hot babes. He spikes the ball, runs around, chest bumps and high fives all the ladies. He is clearly fine. Since he has no excuse Alan fakes yet another heart attack. They all step over his body and proceed to the kitchen.
Later, when Walden is heading off to bed late night he encounters Alan still lying on the floor. He asks him how long he's going to lie there. Alan says until the shame wears off. Walden hops in the little electric seat and starts to motor up the stairs as Alan begins to sing "Memories (The Way We Were)."
24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
14 May 2012Description ▼
"Two and a Half Men" - "Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!" - May14, 2012
Jake enters the kitchen wishing Alan a good morning. Alan points out that it's 2 p.m. Jake says since it's Saturday he slept in. Alan points out that it's Sunday. Jake wonders what happened to his Saturday. Alan points out that since Jake is graduating from high school in a few days that he needs to get his act together or he will be a failure. Just then Walden walks in naked muttering good morning. Jake asks Alan to repeat himself since he was distracted by the naked billionaire who also just woke up.
Jake and Eldridge are sharing a bong and a pizza in Jake's room in their graduation caps and gowns and complaining about the long speech of the valedictorian. They commiserate that their parents are hassling them to make something of their lives. They wonder what they should do. They decide on frozen yogurt.
Alan is driving Lindsey somewhere and is on the phone with Judith. She is haranguing him about Jake's bleak future. She hassles him into asking Walden for a job for Jake at his new company. Alan finally agrees. He hangs up complaining what a harridan Judith is and thanking Lindsey for being great. She then acts annoyed that he's going to ask for a job for Jake but not Eldridge.
Alan heads over to Walden and Billy's new offices, office-warming plant in hand. He asks them for a job for the kids Walden tries to explain to Billy what worthless layabouts the boys are but Billy says they'll give them a chance.
They bring them in to monitor their gazillion dollar, state of the art server system on the overnight shift. Basically all they have to do is sit there. If a green light turns red on a hard drive they just need to swap it out with a new one. Not long after they've been there Eldridge has downloaded a ton of porn.... and the viruses that come with them start to infect the system until it shorts out and the fire department has to come. Billy tries to strangle them when they ask about getting paid and Walden restrains him.
The news gets back to Alan and Lindsey who apologize profusely at first and then start arguing with each other about which of their children is the worse influence.
At the same time Jake and Eldridge are proving that they're both equally idiotic when, while at the mall, they sign up with the army.
Alan goes to the recruiter at the mall and explain that Jake is an idiot and that the U.S. will be in danger if he tries to protect it but the recruiter says it's too bad since Jake is 18 and signed the form. Alan yells "Hey look! Al-Qaeda!" and grabs the form and runs. The recruiter yells after him that it's just a copy.
Alan, Judith, Herb, Jake, Evelyn, Walden, and Berta give Jakes a tearful send off at the house and we see many clips of Jake as a little boy as he hugs each of them.
At the end of the episode we see Jake and Eldridge crawling on their bellies through mud in full gear and backpacks with rifles under barbed wire on an obstacle course and asking when they get to play with the fighter planes. When Jake says it might be after lunch, Eldridge says there is a five mile run after lunch. Jake thinks he's going to skip it because he wants to take a nap.
1I Changed My Mind About the Milk
27 Sep 2012Description ▼
Walden was asked to pick up milk for Zoey, instead he brought up a birthday surprise for her, Jake comes home from the army with Eldridge. Evelyn, Judith, Herb, Alan, Lyndsey, and Robin were present at the party and the arrival of Jake and Eldridge! Judith wasn't the only person that who misses Charlie - her brother in law. Jake reunited with his sister Milly at the beach house for the weekend! Bridget starts stalking lessons with Rose.
2A Big Bag of Dog
04 Oct 2012Description ▼
While Alan becomes obsessed with off-brand teeth whitening, Walden begins to crack up over his breakup with Zoe.
3Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
11 Oct 2012Description ▼
Alan agrees to Lyndsey's idea of having a threesome with Walden, but Walden can't follow through because he's still in love with Zoey.
4You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
18 Oct 2012Description ▼
Walden is conflicted when a friend's hot daughter comes to visit, but the problem solves itself when Jake arrives for a surprise visit.
5That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
25 Oct 2012Description ▼
After a series of bad double date setups with Alan and Lyndsey, Walden meets a new woman--Charlie's ex, Rose.
01 Nov 2012Description ▼
7Avoid the Chinese Mustard
8Something My Gynecologist Said
9I Scream When I Pee
Alan's ex wife Kandi is in town and wants to have coffee with him. Jake is diagnosed with an STD while Walden plans for a Birthday gift for Berta. He goes to her apartment on her Birthday with a cake stuffed with weed and the two get very high and emotional. Walden surprises Berta with a sports car and requests her to not tell Alan. Kandi calls up Alan in the middle of the night stating an emergency but when he reaches her room he finds her in a bath robe trying to seduce him. Alan turns her down by stating that he is a committed relationship with Lyndsey. Saying that he leaves the room. Lyndsey comes know about Alan's visit to Kandi via the media. Alan meets up Kandi again to tell her to talk to Lyndsey since she won't talk to him. Kandi ends up leaving and annoying voice mail on Lyndsey's phone .Kandi goes to Lyndsey's house and tries to convince Lyndsey that nothing happened between her and Alan and she and Lyndsey end up in bed together and swear to not tell about this to Alan.
11"Two and a Half Men"
13 Dec 2012
12Welcome to Alancrest
03 Jan 2013Description ▼
Using Waldens money, Alan invests in Kates fashion line. Meanwhile, leading a double life starts to take its toll on Walden.
13Grab a Feather and Get in Line
10 Jan 2013
14Run, Steven Staven! Run!
31 Jan 2013
15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
07 Feb 2013
16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
14 Feb 2013
17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
21 Feb 2013Description ▼
Walden goes to a mixer to find a woman but runs into his ex-wife Bridget instead. |
18The 9:04 from Pemberton
07 Mar 2013Description ▼
After Alan and Walden fight over a toaster, Alan moves out and goes back to his old house to live with Herb. |
19Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
14 Mar 2013Description ▼
Alan and Walden take Herb out to take his mind off of his troubles, but his partying quickly spirals out of control. |
20Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
04 Apr 2013Description ▼
Tammy comes after Jake after he cheats on her with her 18 year old daughter. |
21Another Night With Neil Diamond #10.21
22My Bodacious Vidalia
23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped
09 May 2013Description ▼
Walden dates a sexy young woman, but is actually more interested in her grandmother. Meanwhile, Alan and Jake take a final road trip together before Jake leaves for Japan. |
26 Sep 2013Description ▼
Alan is shocked when Charlies long-lost illigitimate 25-year-old daughter, Jenny, shows up at Waldens beach house to connect with whats left of her family, and who happens to like everything her dad liked, including women.
2I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
03 Oct 2013Description ▼
Charlie's daughter Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her 91 1/2 year old boyfriend, and Lyndsey cheats on her new boyfriend with Alan. |
3This Unblessed Biscuit
10 Oct 2013Description ▼
Berta is injured on the job, and after getting in an argument with Walden over retirement, she decides to quit. |
4Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
17 Oct 2013Description ▼
Walden decides to join Jenny and her friends during their wild escapades. But when he wakes with her in bed, they wonder what happened and if anything happened. And when Alan is out with Lyndsey, they run into a woman they know and when she assumes they're together, they deny it. So Lyndsey tells Alan to ask her out so that she won't think they're together. Which he does but she's throwing herself at him and he tries not to reciprocate.
5Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
24 Oct 2013Description ▼
Alan's jealousy over being the "other man" causes him to spy on Lyndsey's boyfriend, and Walden tries to get Jenny started with acting lessons. |
6Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
07 Nov 2013Description ▼
When Alan learns Walden knows Wonder Woman's LYNDA CARTER (guest starring as Herself), he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
7Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
14 Nov 2013Description ▼
Walden and Alan approach a couple of girls and ask them out. And the one Alan hooks up with is "easy" to please. And when they are about to go out Lyndsey shows up, Alan is worried how she will react. But she says she's OK with it because they are not in a relationship. And just when things between Alan and the girl were heating up, Lyndsey calls up and she's drunk and saying she's not OK with it. So Alsn goes to Walden who's about to get it on with his girl to ask what should he do.
8Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
21 Nov 2013Description ▼
When Larry hires a private investigator to follow Lyndsey, he tracks her to the beach house. But when Larry thinks that she's having an affair with Walden, Alan has to figure out how to clear Walden's name without outing himself. Recurring guest star MELANIE LYNSKEY returns as the neighborhood stalker Rose, who offers to help Walden out of his dilemma.
9Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
05 Dec 2013Description ▼
Walden meets an extremely attractive blonde model at a tech convention, but finds her lack of intelligence unappealing and decides he doesn't want to see her again. Unfortunately for him, she falls off the outer deck and ends up in the hospital, and he has to take care of her, a task that becomes more and more daunting because she keeps suffering major self-inflicted injuries. When she tries to seduce him despite being badly disfigured, Walden bluntly tells her he does not want to sleep with her or have any further relationship. She then promises to sue him for the injuries she suffered on his property, only to get hit by a bus when leaving his house, and make a phone call to an incredulous Walden; he ends up taking care of her only companion in the city, a pet pig named Frank. Meanwhile, Alan's wistful evening plan of looking over some of Jake's old items inspires Jenny to take him to a gay bar where there will be horny, drunk straight women by night's end. To Alan's surprise, he meets an attractive woman named Paula and they end up sleeping together; to his even greater surprise, Paula reveals she spent 40 years as a man named Paul before undergoing gender-reassignment surgery. Alan is shocked but takes the news fairly in stride, even being OK with Paula stepping in at a movie theatre and punching out a jerk who ignored Alan's request to be quiet during the film.
10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
12 Dec 2013Description ▼
Walden helps Jenny get a second date with a one-night stand (guest star ALY MICHALKA) and Alan's transgender girlfriend's ex-wife (guest star DIANE FARR) hits on him. Meanwhile, in the spirit of the holidays, Alan receives a Japanese delicacy from Jake for Christmas, and Walden's Malibu house is alive with questionable Christmas carol lyrics. Paula Marshall returns as Alan's transgender girlfriend, Paula.
11Tazed in the Lady Nuts
02 Jan 2014Description ▼
Walden is hired by a former employee he fired to write code for a new project, and Alan suffers an unfortunate tick bite while hiking with Jenny and her girlfriend. |
12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
09 Jan 2014Description ▼
Alan runs into Lyndsey and her boyfriend. He asks Alan to go on a double date with them and a girl he knows. Alan accepts. The girl they set him up with is hot. She then takes them to a party which is for swingers. Lyndsey's boyfriend gives Alan the opportunity to be with Lyndsey but she's upset with him for going on the date. Walden wants to hook up with Nicole but she wants to finish her project. So he offers to help but all they can think about is being with each other.
13Bite Me, Supreme Court
30 Jan 2014Description ▼
After multimillionaire Marty Pepper proposes to Evelyn, Walden and Alan throw him a bachelor party with several of his old friends (comedy legends TIM CONWAY, STEVE LAWRENCE and GARRY MARSHALL guest star) who help him celebrate his last days of bachelorhood.
14Three Fingers of Cr
06 Feb 2014Description ▼
After Alan learns that Lyndsey broke up with Larry and didn't tell him, he makes a big decision. Meanwhile, Walden sets out to prove that he's a man's man. |
15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
27 Feb 2014Description ▼
Alan turns to Judith for comfort after Lyndsey accepts Larry's marriage proposal, and Jenny is worried that Brooke is blowing her off. |
16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
06 Mar 2014Description ▼
Alan takes an interest in Larry's sister after "Jeff Strongman" agrees to be his best man, and Walden is concerned about his relationship with Nicole. |
17Welcome Home, Jake
13 Mar 2014Description ▼
Lyndsey discovers that Alan is sleeping with Larry's sister, Gretchen. Meanwhile, Walden finds it difficult with telling Barry to find his own place. |
18West Side Story
03 Apr 2014Description ▼
Walden's reunion with his ex-girlfriend Kate does not go as planned, and Alan takes Gretchen over to "his apartment." |
19Lan mao shi zai wuding shang
10 Apr 2014Description ▼
Just as Walden is considering proposing to Kate, he falls for a random stranger who arrives at his beach house. Meanwhile, Gretchen discovers that Alan's "Jeff Strongman" persona is a lie. |
20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
24 Apr 2014Description ▼
Walden's therapist tells him to have plenty of random casual sex to help get over falling in love too quickly, and Alan's new business venture provides him with the perfect opportunity. |
01 May 2014Description ▼
Walden, Jenny & Barry travel to Colorado in Walden's private jet to reconnect with his 1st car. While there they take advantage of Colorado's legalization; Gretchen pushes Alan to reveal his identity to Larry. Alan gets down on 1 knee & proposes to Gretchen.
22Oh, Wald-e, Good Times Ahead
08 May 2014
1The Ol' Mexican Spinach
30 Oct 2014Description ▼
When Walden has a health scare on Halloween, he tries to re-prioritize his life with the help of Alan. |
2A Chic Bar in Ibiza
06 Nov 2014Description ▼
Alan has second thoughts about getting married when Walden has him sign a prenup. |
3Glamping in a Yurt
13 Nov 2014Description ▼
Alan and Walden must be perceived as a loving couple during a meeting with an adoption social worker. However, Lyndsey returns from rehab and makes their plans more difficult. |
4Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
20 Nov 2014Description ▼
After the social worker signs off on them, a prospective birth mother visits Walden and Alan. |
5Oontz. Oontz. Oontz.
27 Nov 2014Description ▼
Walden looks after a foster child named Louis,but they don't bond the way he hoped they would. |
6Alan Shot a Little Girl
04 Dec 2014Description ▼
Much to Walden's frustration, Louie successfully manipulates Alan, who cannot resist the opportunity to finally get to become the cool parent. |
7Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
11 Dec 2014Description ▼
While adapting to the demands of parenthood, Alan suggests finding a playgroup for Louis. This leads to a new circle of friends for the guys who start finding it more challenging to keep up the pretence of being gay. |
18 Dec 2014Description ▼
Alan and Walden are having Christmas with Louis. They learn that he doesn't believe in Santa Claus. So Walden tries to prove him wrong. He gets a guy to play Santa and he will bring Louis' gift, a bike, which Rose told them he wants. Problem is the Santa he got, shows up drunk and Alan wanting to save money doesn't have the bike delivered assembled.
9Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
08 Jan 2015Description ▼
Walden and Laurel set up a playdate for their kids so they can pick up where they left off the last time they got together. Meanwhile, Herb asks Alan if he can ask Lyndsey out. |
10Here I Come, Pants!
15 Jan 2015Description ▼
When Ms. McMartin discovers that Walden and Alan are pretending to be gay, she threatens to take Louis away. However, Alan has a plan to help her change her mind. |
11For Whom the Booty Calls
22 Jan 2015Description ▼
When Walden joins a support group for adoptive fathers, he discovers that it is a nice getaway from Alan. |
12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off
29 Jan 2015Description ▼
Walden's worried how his "relationship" with Miss McMartin will affect his plans to adopt Louis. Alan's hoping Lyndsey will stay in L.A. now they are back together. But she already sold her house so Alan tries help her find a place to stay. But when she suggest they move in together Alan doesn't respond well. So Lyndsey decides to go to San Francisco. Later Alan and Walden talk and Walden says Alan doesn't want to move in with Lyndsey because he doesn't want to leave the house. And Alan tells Walden Miss McMartin is perfect for him. So they both try to get them back.
13Boompa Loved His Hookers
05 Feb 2015Description ▼
Walden discovers that Ms. McMartin is crazy and needy after they hook up, but he doesn't want to break up with her and mess up the adoption. Meanwhile, Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her. |
14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun
12 Feb 2015Description ▼
Walden and Alan had decided some time ago that after Louis' adoption was over they would get a divorce for them to be able to marry other people eventually. Walden wants to get Alan a "thank you" gift for all he has done with helping Walden adop Louis. So Alan decides to get himself a gift that will kind of ruin his relantionship with Lyndsey. However, Alan finds a way to win Lyndsey back in a very important and big decision that may change his and Walden's life...
15Of Course He's Dead Part 1
19 Feb 2015Description ▼
Alan gets a letter saying that Charlie has over two million in royalties. And he of course tries to get it but he needs Charlie's death certificate. So he goes to his mother to get it but she doesn't have it. And when Alan and his mother get packages and messages of a threatening nature, they wonder, is he really dead.
16Of Course He's Dead: Part 2
19 Feb 2015Description ▼
Alan and Walden look for protection when they discover that Charlie is coming back to kill them. |
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