Leonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper are both brilliant physicists working at Caltech in Pasadena, California. They are colleagues, best friends, and roommates, although in all capacities their relationship is always tested primarily by Sheldon's regimented, deeply eccentric, and non-conventional ways. They are also friends with their Caltech colleagues mechanical engineer Howard Wolowitz and astrophysicist Rajesh Koothrappali. The foursome spend their time working on their individual work projects, playing video games, watching science-fiction movies, or reading comic books. As they are self-professed nerds, all have little or no luck with popular women. When Penny, a pretty woman and an aspiring actress originally from Omaha, moves into the apartment across the hall from Leonard and Sheldon's, Leonard has another aspiration in life, namely to get Penny to be his girlfriend.
24 Sep 2007
2The Big Bran Hypothesis
01 Oct 2007
3The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
08 Oct 2007
4The Luminous Fish Effect
15 Oct 2007
5The Hamburger Postulate
22 Oct 2007
6The Middle Earth Paradigm
29 Oct 2007
7The Dumpling Paradox
05 Nov 2007
8The Grasshopper Experiment
12 Nov 2007
9The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
17 Mar 2008
10The Loobenfeld Decay
24 Mar 2008
11The Pancake Batter Anomaly
31 Mar 2008
12The Jerusalem Duality
14 Apr 2008
13The Bat Jar Conjecture
21 Apr 2008
14The Nerdvana Annihilation
28 Apr 2008
15The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
05 May 2008
16The Peanut Reaction
12 May 2008
17The Tangerine Factor
19 May 2008
1The Bad Fish Paradigm
22 Sep 2008
2The Codpiece Topology
29 Sep 2008
3The Barbarian Sublimation
06 Oct 2008
4The Griffin Equivalency
13 Oct 2008
5The Euclid Alternative
20 Oct 2008
6The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem
03 Nov 2008
7The Panty Piñata Polarization
10 Nov 2008
8The Lizard-Spock Expansion
17 Nov 2008
9The White Asparagus Triangulation
24 Nov 2008
10The Vartabedian Conundrum
08 Dec 2008
11The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis
15 Dec 2008
12The Killer Robot Instability
12 Jan 2009
13The Friendship Algorithm
19 Jan 2009
14The Financial Permeability
02 Feb 2009
15The Maternal Capacitance
09 Feb 2009
16The Cushion Saturation
02 Mar 2009
17The Terminator Decoupling
09 Mar 2009
18The Work Song Nanocluster
16 Mar 2009
19The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition
30 Mar 2009
20The Hofstadter Isotope
13 Apr 2009
21The Vegas Renormalization
27 Apr 2009
22The Classified Materials Turbulence
04 May 2009
23The Monopolar Expedition
11 May 2009
1The Electric Can Opener Fluctuation
21 Sep 2009
2The Jiminy Conjecture
28 Sep 2009
3The Gothowitz Deviation
05 Oct 2009
4The Pirate Solution
12 Oct 2009
5The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary
19 Oct 2009Description ▼
While Sheldon settles a score with his nemesis, Wil Wheaton, Wolowitz begs Leonard to get Penny to set him up with one of her friends.
6The Cornhusker Vortex
02 Nov 2009
7The Guitarist Amplification
09 Nov 2009Description ▼
An argument between Leonard and Penny proves "inconvenient" to Sheldon.
8The Adhesive Duck Deficiency
16 Nov 2009
9The Vengeance Formulation
23 Nov 2009
10The Athens Recurrence
07 Dec 2009
11The Maternal Congruence
14 Dec 2009
12The Psychic Vortex
11 Jan 2010Description ▼
While Sheldon and Koothrappali attend a university mixer, Leonard is upset to discover that Penny believes in psychics.
13The Bozeman Reaction
18 Jan 2010
14The Einstein Approximation
01 Feb 2010Description ▼
Sheldon can't sleep since he is totally preoccupied with solving a physics graphine problem. By association, Leonard and Penny can't sleep since Sheldon is continually bothering them. But Sheldon's sleep deprivation is making him more unusual than ever. He thinks he finally has the answer, not to the problem, but how to solve the problem. Much like Einstein did much of his best thinking when he worked in a patent office doing menial work, Sheldon believes he needs to get a menial job. A genius getting hired for a menial job is no easy feat, so Sheldon insinuates himself into a work situation of his own choice, much to the chagrin of one of his friends. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny and Howard and Bernadette go on a double date to a disco roller rink. Raj is feeling left out, especially as it was his idea. On the other hand, Penny and Bernadette wish they hadn't gone.
15The Large Hadron Collision
08 Feb 2010Description ▼
Valentine's Day is approaching. Leonard thinks he's hit some good luck in that he has been asked to attend a conference and view the Hadron super collider in Switzerland during Valentine's. He's allowed to bring a guest with him which he has chosen to be Penny. There, the two can have a romantic first Valentine's Day together. This decision doesn't sit well with Sheldon who has always dreamed of seeing the collider. Sheldon does whatever he can to make Leonard change his mind, including reminding him of their documented roommate agreement. But the harder Sheldon tries to convince Leonard to change his mind, the more Leonard seems to resist. But outside forces may end up deciding for Leonard who will accompany him to Switzerland.
16The Excelsior Acquisition
01 Mar 2010Description ▼
Sheldon winds up in traffic court when he gets a ticket because of Penny.
17The Precious Fragmentation
08 Mar 2010Description ▼
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj jointly purchase a box, whose contents are unknown, for $60 at a garage sale. While sorting through it, they find that it contains primarily pop culture related items. They are happy with some of the contents, and less so with others. But when one of Howard's friends verifies the authenticity of one of the items, the guys think they've won the lottery when in their possession is the missing (stolen) one of only nine in total rings used in
18The Pants Alternative
22 Mar 2010Description ▼
Sheldon is this year's recipient of the college's Chancellor's Award for Science. He is surprised at being named the winner, but he believes he has been the deserving recipient every year he's been there. He changes his mind about accepting the award when he learns he has to make a speech at the awards dinner. Unbeknown to the others, Sheldon has stage fright. His four friends vow to help him overcome this fear, each playing a different but what they see as an integral part, so that he can accept the award. But Sheldon instead stumbles across a more old fashioned technique at the awards dinner to be able to make the speech.
19The Wheaton Recurrence
12 Apr 2010
20The Spaghetti Catalyst
03 May 2010Description ▼
One of the consequences of Penny and Leonard breaking up is that Sheldon now has mixed allegiances. Leonard is his best friend and roommate, but he wants to remain friends with Penny if only because of all the work he's put into including her into his life. Sheldon goes to extreme lengths not to tell Leonard - or Howard or Raj for that matter - that he is having dinner with Penny. Will it be worth all the grief that he has to go through to keep this secret? Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny have to learn how to deal with the fact that they will still be seeing each other, and decide what form their new relationship will take.
21The Plimpton Stimulation
10 May 2010Description ▼
Sheldon's brilliant pen pal friend, renowned quantum cosmologist Dr. Elizabeth Plimpton, is being wooed by Cal Tech. Sheldon invites her to stay with him and Leonard while in Southern California. Sheldon feels protective of her because he feels she is in the same genius class as himself. Leonard is in awe of their temporary roommate. Dr. Plimpton, however, makes it obvious to Leonard that she is interested in him more than just as a fellow scientist. Leonard has a difficult time keeping his intimate encounter with Dr. Plimptom a secret. She doesn't seem to mind as she sets her sights a little more broadly than just Leonard.
22The Staircase Implementation
17 May 2010Description ▼
After Leonard and Sheldon have a heated argument about what Sheldon sees as Leonard making a major breach in the roommate agreement, Leonard takes refuge at Penny's apartment. Despite the seriousness of the argument, Leonard assures Penny that Sheldon was much more difficult to live with when Leonard first moved in. Leonard recounts to her his first meeting with Sheldon seven years earlier when Leonard answered Sheldon's advertisement looking for a new roommate. He also recounts Howard and Raj's first encounters with Sheldon, what happened to the now broken elevator which was working when Leonard first moved in, and why Leonard decided to stay despite Sheldon being such a difficult and unusual roommate.
23The Lunar Excitation
24 May 2010Description ▼
Penny and Leonard are still at the stage of their "post-coitus" relationship where they feel awkward doing friend type things together. Regardless, when the guys experiment with bouncing lasers off the moon, Leonard decides to invite Penny to watch. With her is her latest date, Zack, a less than bright guy. This encounter with Leonard and Zack together demonstrates to Penny that she can't go back to dating the type of guys she used to date: good looking but dumb. In a drunken stupor later, Penny takes some action to reclaim what she's missed no longer dating Leonard. Leonard in turn, takes a cue from Penny's actions. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj believe the answer to Leonard's Penny conundrum is to find another woman for him. After Leonard rejects Howard's idea of using on-line matchmaking services, Raj thinks an interesting experiment would be to see if such a service would produce anyone for Sheldon. Howard and Raj's experiment does produce a match for Sheldon. Will he agree to meet her and if so will she be his perfect match?
1The Robotic Manipulation
23 Sep 2010Description ▼
It's been four months since Sheldon met neuro-biologist Amy Farrah Fowler, who Sheldon believes is his intellectual equal as well as his emotional female equivalent. Although they text each other every day, they never see each other and Sheldon doesn't consider her his girlfriend. That fact does not stop the guys from naming the two of them "Shamy". Regardless of them being boyfriend/girlfriend or not, Sheldon and Amy are thinking about having a baby together - via in vitro fertilization as Sheldon regards coitus as being too "messy" - to bless the world with their progeny. Penny convinces Sheldon that he should get to know the mother of his future child by going on date with Amy, this date which would be his first ever. As Sheldon needs a ride to the date, Penny, his chauffeur, ends up accompanying him on the date, which she quickly comes to regret. Meanwhile, Howard has developed a mechanical arm to be used as a repair tool aboard the international space station. Showing it off to the gang, Howard demonstrates to them what it can do. But he also finds some personal uses for the arm, which gets him into an embarrassing and slightly painful predicament.
2The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification
30 Sep 2010Description ▼
After Sheldon scientifically calculates his life expectancy, he is dismayed to learn that he will be a few years short of the time when he will be able to transfer his conscious self into a robotic format. So he decides to live a healthier lifestyle to eke out those few extra years. Those changes include eating healthier and exercising. When both those avenues have negative consequences unexpected to him, Sheldon thinks he's figured out a way to exist in his current life without taking the risks associated with everyday tasks. As an incredulous Leonard, Penny, Howard and Raj look on to what Sheldon is doing, only a celebrity sighting may be able to bring Sheldon back to real life.
3The Zazzy Substitution
07 Oct 2010Description ▼
Despite not considering her his girlfriend and visa versa, Sheldon and Amy are spending a lot of time together. This situation irks the gang, but especially Leonard as Sheldon's roommate, since they all detest Amy, who they consider sanctimonious and condescending. The gang's problem may self destruct when sanctimonious and condescending Amy has a fundamental disagreement with sanctimonious and condescending Sheldon, leading to the two deciding to break-up despite not having been boyfriend/girlfriend. Sheldon states that he is perfectly fine with the relationship ending, but his actions seem to imply otherwise as he replaces Amy with something else in his life. Concerned for his friend's state of mind, Leonard calls in the one person who he believes can get through to Sheldon.
4The Hot Troll Deviation
14 Oct 2010Description ▼
Howard is still uncomfortable in even seeing Bernadette, which is obvious when he spots her at work at the Cheesecake Factory. But when Bernadette enters his dreams instead of his usual fantasy girl, Howard wonders if Bernadette would be willing to get back together with him despite the embarrassing reason why she broke up with him. Penny vows to help him only if he discloses to her the reason for the break-up. Howard gets a little advice from two other unlikely sources. Meanwhile, Raj is mad at Sheldon for not letting him have a desk in their shared office. But once Sheldon reluctantly agrees only on the condition that Raj pay for it himself, Raj decides to exact his own form of revenge, which escalates into an all out office war.
5The Desperation Emanation
21 Oct 2010Description ▼
With Amy in Sheldon's life (despite they still not being boyfriend/girlfriend), Bernadette in Howard's life, and even Raj now having a girlfriend (she being deaf so it doesn't matter that he can't speak to her), Leonard is the only one of the group who is currently without a significant female in his life. He doesn't seem to mind too much until everyone, even Stuart at the comic book store, constantly reminds him as such. And Leonard's air of desperation - as Amy refers to it - means that in his current state he is unlikely to find a girlfriend on his own. So Leonard reluctantly invokes the girlfriend clause in his friendship with Howard, meaning that Bernadette needs to find him a girlfriend. But will Leonard be desperate enough to continue to date Bernadette's choice of Joy, a friend from her self-defense class, a woman who talks about the hundred different ways she can rip his private parts off his body? Meanwhile, Sheldon fears that Amy's request for him to meet her mother is her way of saying that she wants them to become boyfriend/girlfriend officially. In light of that, Sheldon does whatever he can to eliminate Amy from his life except by telling her directly.
6The Irish Pub Formulation
28 Oct 2010Description ▼
Raj's sister, Priya, a corporate lawyer, has a 24 hour layover in Los Angeles on her way to Toronto on a work trip. When the guys met her the first and only time five years ago when she last was in Los Angeles, Howard and Leonard made a "pinky swear" pact not to hit on her, much to Raj's pleasure as he wanted and still wants to protect his little, innocent sister. Priya ends up not being so innocent as she wants to have a casual fling with Leonard on this trip, he who complies and would actually want it to be more than just casual. When Sheldon catches Priya in their apartment when she shouldn't be there, Sheldon devises an elaborate but totally implausible alibi for Leonard in the probability - at least in Sheldon's mind - that Raj and or Howard will ask. This incident brings up the issue of betrayal amongst the four friends.
7The Apology Insufficiency
04 Nov 2010Description ▼
Howard has been chosen to work on the Defense Department's Laser Equip Surveillance Satellite project. He needs security clearance to work on the project which means the FBI will be interviewing each of Sheldon, Leonard and Raj. The interviews conducted by Special Agent Page, who is a beautiful young woman, don't go quite as each would hope. Because Agent Page is a woman, Raj can't speak to her until he gets drunk, and still then he believes her sole goal is to deport him back to India. Woman hungry Leonard decides to try his new confident persona to pick her up, which has unintended consequences. And Sheldon wants to speak more about his past encounter with the FBI than about Howard. Amidst these innocent topics of conversation, Sheldon inadvertently mentions the time when Howard crashed the Mars Rover when he was trying to impress a woman without security clearance. When Howard learns he didn't pass the security clearance, Leonard and Raj believe it is their fault, but Sheldon makes no mentions of his interview gaffe. After guilt gets the better of him, Sheldon confesses, but Howard won't accept his apology. Is there anything Sheldon can do to get back into Howard's good graces?
8The 21-Second Excitation
11 Nov 2010Description ▼
Everybody is enjoying Raiders of the Lost Ark, even Penny (Kaley Cuoco). Although she'd like to know how Harrison Ford got so good with the whip if he was an archaeologist. Presumably, he didn't practice the way Howard (Simon Helberg) did...at an adult bookstore. Everybody (except Penny) is even more excited to be going to the midnight showing of the movie, complete with 21 extra seconds of footage. Apparently, it answers all of the questions about the submarine. (Thank God. That's kept me up nights for 29 years.)LEONARD: I can't believe you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark!PENNY: I can't believe you've never read Eat, Pray, LoveLEONARD: Well, when she comes out with Eat, Pray, Run Away from a Giant Boulder, I'll read it.Raj (Kunal Nayyar) backs Penny on that book. It changed his life. But Penny does love Indy's hat, designed by Deborah Nadoolman, who also designed Michael Jackson's black-and-red jacket for the "Thriller" video, according to Sheldon (Jim Parsons). Although he never saw the whole video, as zombies dancing in choreographed sync is implausible...and very scary. But he is picking up on Penny's sarcasm more these days. Well, he's 8 for 26 this month.PENNY: Well, I'll pass, but you guys go enjoy your extra 21 seconds.LEONARD: Bet you if I could make you understand why this is so cool, we'd still be together.PENNY: Mmmm, yeah....no, we wouldn't.HOWARD: (off Raj's whisper) Yeah, I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too.At dinner, the guys, plus Amy (Mayim Bialik), are enjoying themselves. Except for Sheldon, who is panicking the movie is only seven hours from now and they have to get in line.HOWARD: You know, if we miss it, we'll have the fun of Sheldon whining about it for the rest of our lives.SHELDON: See? Howard's on my side.HOWARD: Actually, I'm not. I'm using sarcasm to mock you.SHELDON: (deflated) Drat, now I'm 8 for 27.Sheldon thinks Leonard (Johnny Galecki) should be backing him more, as they waited 14 hours to see Star Trek: Nemesis.LEONARD: Actualy, he waited in line for 14 hours while you slept in a lawn chair, got into a fight with a Klingon when he had step out of line to go pee and you wouldn't vouch for him, and worst of all, he saw Star Trek: Nemesis!SHELDON: But how were our seats?LEONARD: (defeated) Excellent.Amy would agree with Sheldon, but she's trying to be more accepted in his social group by agreeing with everybody else from time to time. Meanwhile, Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) stops by and makes lovey-dovey with Howard. (It's as bad as it sounds.) She tells everybody she was invited over to spend time with Penny, and suddenly Amy doesn't want to be left out of any of the girl activities for the evening. Bernadette says she'll ask Penny, but Amy takes it upon herself to tell Penny she'll be there. Amy thinks she and Penny are close. ("Our menses are synchronized.") Penny didn't realize Amy wanted to be part of a girls' night out. ("I"m a girl!") Penny begrudgingly agrees, and Amy goes shopping for something comfortable to wear.As it turns out, Sheldon was right. The line is ridiculously long, and he is more than happy to point out the locations they would have been standing had they left when Sheldon told them, had Raj not ordered dessert, etc. ("I informed you thusly!")HOWARD: Gee, I can't wait for that to start.SHELDON: I informed you thuslyRAJ: 8 for 28.And now they are far from the "nourishing teats of Indiana Jones." And the appearance of someone else is about to put them further away. Yes, it's the Jar-Jar Binks of the Star Trek Universe...EVIL Wil Wheaton! Of course, to the rest of us, he's just Wil Wheaton. Including the theatre manager, who lets Wil and his entourage in ahead of everybody. And the only person to protest? Really, need you ask?SHELDON: AS CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD ONCE SAID, THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE! THIS FAR, NO FARTHER!At Penny's, Amy's quite good with the girl talk. She has an unusually firm cervix and a tilted uterus. Penny tries to correct her about it, and Amy thinks her friend's thesis on the fungus that grows on manicure implements should do the trick nicely. And Penny reaches for the next bottle of wine. But Bernadette suggests they'll have to make it a slumber party if they're going to get hammered, and Amy is all on board.AMY: We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties!Penny isn't thrilled, but it turns out Amy never went to a slumber party.AMY: Well, there was this one time when I was a kid and I had my tonsils out, and I shared a hospital room with a little Vietnamese girl. She didn't make it through the night, but up 'til then it was kind of fun.Penny agrees...and immediately gets a pillow in the face from Amy.Naturally, Evil Wil Wheaton isn't going to let it go. He Tweeted "Best seats in the house for Raiders' screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper." Sheldon is depressed, but then he gets a call to test his cell service. He has to repeat some phrases back to the operator.SHELDON: Imatote. Ulba. Twad. All together? 'I'm a total butt-wad.' Why are you laughing?PENNY: (laughing) And that, girls, is how you make a phony phone call!Well, it certainly beats Amy hating the nail polish Penny put on her. But now Amy is researching what to do at slumber parties. Next: Truth or Dare. Bernadette chooses a Truth.AMY: To what temperature must you heat beef in order to kill the prion that causes bovine spongiform encephelopathy?PENNY: No, Amy. You're supposed to ask her something personal or embarrassing.AMY: Oh, OK. Bernadette, what is the circumference of your areolas?The guys don't get into the movie (shocking!), as the theatre didn't have four more seats. As they leave (and Sheldon warms up his vocal chords to start whining), he spots an open side door. If he can't see the movie, nobody can. Yes, he steals the prints from the unguarded projection room.Did you know The Miller's Tale by Chaucer is a very dirty story? Well, Bernadette did dare Amy to tell a dirty story. But it loses something in the translation when spoken in Middle English...and when you're plowed. And some serious truth is about to come out, as Bernadette asks Penny why she hangs out with Leonard so much if they broke up with each other. Amy likes the question, too. Penny? She wants to change to a Dare instead, but the judges disallow it.PENNY: Look, just because we're not seeing each other anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, Leonard's a great guy.AMY: Then why did you terminate your relationship with him?PENNY: I...don't know. He got...really serious, and I just wasn't ready for it.AMY: Interesting. How will you react if in the future, you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable because another woman has realized he is...to use your words...a great guy?PENNY: (not happy) You can only ask one question.AMY & BERNADETTE: That one.PENNY: (really not happy) I really don't want to play this game anymore.Penny goes to her room, and stays there. After a long time, Amy and Bernadette wonder what to do, so Amy looks at another item on the list of things to do at a slumber party...experimental lesbianism. And she goes to try that with Penny. Bernadette thinks skipping to 'eating cookie dough' might have been the better option.
9The Boyfriend Complexity
18 Nov 2010Description ▼
Penny's father, Wyatt, is in Pasadena for a visit. Leonard learns that Penny told her father that she and Leonard got back together again, as Leonard is the one and only of her boyfriends of who he has ever approved. Leonard agrees to go along with the ruse, but much against Penny's chagrin, he does so on his terms and not hers. But what would happen if Wyatt found out the truth? Sheldon, believing that Leonard and Penny have indeed gotten back together, decides to amend their roommate agreement to compensate for the Penny factor. Meanwhile, Raj has finally been allocated time to monitor a high powered telescope for twelve hours, and he invites Howard along, who in turn invites Bernadette. Raj is initially peeved at Bernadette's presence since he he doesn't feel like he can drink (to be able to speak to her) and monitor the telescope at the same time. Raj makes the decision to consume alcohol, and his arc of drunkenness over the course of the evening ends with a close encounter with Howard.
10The Alien Parasite Hypothesis
09 Dec 2010Description ▼
Sheldon (Jim Parsons) is wondering why the guys aren't talking at a communal dinner but apparently he threatened to put the next person who ate with their mouth full to death. So he decides a new topic: the best number. Not 5,318,008, even though that spells "boobies" upside-down on a calculator (thanks Raj), but 73. And he explains why, despite nobody asking him to. And now Howard (Simon Helberg) remembers why Penny (Kaley Cuoco), Bernadette (Melissa Rauch), and Amy (Mayim Bialik) didn't want to eat with them. But Bernadette loves the heart-shaped locket Howard gave her after yet another night of enduring his mother.AMY: Did you know that the iconic Valentine's heart shape is not based on a human heart, but rather the shape of the buttocks of a female bending over?PENNY: So I spent seventh grade dotting my "I's" with little asses? Cool!Penny's ex-boyfriend, Zack, stops by to drop off menus, and the ladies say Hi. Actually, Amy says Hooo! A couple of times, including when Zack bent over to pick up a box.PENNY: Well, we know what's causing that.AMY: Clearly I'm coming down with the flu combined with a sudden onset of Tourette's Syndrome!Howard and Raj (Kunal Nayyar) find out a lab tech got bitten by a rat who was injected with radioactive isotopes. Which naturally compels Raj to wish he were Rat-Man. He could go through mazes in no time, squeeze into really small places, and shut down restaurants in a single bound. And Howard could be his sidekick. And Howard takes serious offense to it. They want Leonard (Johnny Galecki) to settle who of the two would be the sidekick. (Hero Support! Sorry, wrong show.)LEONARD: Twelve years after high school and I'm still at the nerds table.Amy is slicing up pieces of a human brain...and enjoying lunch. They are two separate things, yes. But she's also checking her vital signs every hour because of what happened last night. Sheldon, naturally oblivious to her predicament, offers to chart it for her. She had localized vascular throbbing.SHELDON: Localized to what region?AMY: (matter-of-factly) Ears and genitalia.Sheldon reduces it to hyperthyroidism, premature menopause, an alien parasite, and sexual arousal, but he's just putting that in to cover all the bases. She is able to eliminate hyperthyroidism, menopause.AMY: I'm afraid we must face the cold, harsh truth. I was sexually aroused by Penny's friend, Zack.SHELDON: Hang on! I don't think we've given this alien parasite hypothesis a fair shake.Sheldon has some advice to give her on how to handle this. (WHAT?!?!?!?) He turns to...Star Trek. But Amy doesn't want to rely on the teachings of the Vulcan way of Kolinar from some cheap science fiction. And now Sheldon is JEALOUS! Not sure if he's jealous of Zack or Amy mocking Vulcan methodologies, but he's not eating lunch with Amy and her brain today.Howard wants the sidekick argument settled, so he gets a giant spider in a large jar and wants both of them to put their hands in. First one to pull out is the sidekick. But Raj has no problem, as the spider was crawling up Howard's arm. Round One to Raj. The deciding contest: wrestling. Why Leonard has to waste his Friday night watching is beyond him, but the wrestling match is basically the two of them circling and trash-talking.Sheldon heads down to do laundry...one day early to cover for the different fabric softener. Penny asks him how things are with Amy, but he says she's changed. She might be a slave to her baser urges...like Penny.PENNY: So are you saying Amy is...what is the right scientific word?SHELDON: Forget science; she's horny.Sheldon thinks there's nothing he can do about it, but Penny thinks there might be something Sheldon can do about Amy's urges. ("It's unlawful to spay a human being!") But he figures he might as well get it over with. Penny thinks Sheldon is ready to give Amy the ride of her life, but apparently Sheldon wants Zack to man up. And what's even more bizarre, she agrees to do it.AMY: I stand here before you, 130 pounds of raging estrogen, longing to grab your hold of your gluteus maximus and make Shakespeare's metaphorical Beast with Two Backs.ZACK: My gluteus what?Oops, now Amy figured out why Penny dumped Zack. So it's the Vulcan disciplinary practice of Kolinar for her. Although she does try holding Sheldon's hand on the way home. ("Nope. Never mind.")
11The Justice League Recombination
16 Dec 2010Description ▼
Did you know in Mystic Warlords of Ka'a you can make up your own cards? Apparently, Infinite Sheldon beats all others. And it isn't cheating, since the card isn't homemade: Sheldon (Jim Parsons) printed it at work. And Sheldon continues to wonder why nobody wants to play with him. Penny (Kaley Cuoco) and Zack came to the apartment, and Penny gave Leonard (Johnny Galecki) his copy of Science magazine, which featured a planet on the cover, according to Zack. According to the right answer, it was an atom. ("Agree to disagree...") And Zack discovered a show on the Discovery Channel that showed a starfish being killed and coming back to life.SHELDON: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.Zack also knows dolphins may be smarter than people. ("Smarter than SOME people.") Penny is none too happy with the guys for bullying Zack, despite Howard's (Simon Helberg) protestations that they didn't give Zack a swirly and his butt crack remained underwear-free. Leonard goes to apologize, and the rest of the guys go to see him get beat up. As a peace offering, Leonard invites him to the comic book store, where apparently Zack is really into the Archie comics, and admittedly, I did not know Archie now had two universes where he was married to Betty in one and Veronica in the other. (Lucky bastard.) Stuart, the comic book shop owner, is equally surprised by Zack being there, but he asks the guys if they're coming to the shops New Year's Eve costume party. The guys will attend as the Justice League of America...if Leonard doesn't show up as Superman again.LEONARD: Hey, I got new boots this year! Guaranteed to add three inches!SHELDON: That's sad.To win the costume contest, Sheldon's idea is to have Zack be Superman. Which means Leonard claims Green Lantern, and Raj (Kunal Nayyar) is relegated to playing Aqua-Man. ("Aqua-Man sucks! Aqua-Man sucks underwater! He sucks fish pee!") Of course, one little problem: what to do about Penny? Zack already has the solution: she's Wonder Woman.SHELDON: Complete with bullet-proof bracelets and Lasso of Truth! Invisible plane sold separately.Penny protests, but Bernadette is in quarantine for doing jello shots out of some questionable petri dishes, and Amy refuses to dress in any kind of costume.HOWARD: (off Raj's whisper) He says he'll wear it if you'll be Aqua-Man.Everybody arrives late, and Sheldon (as The Flash) is pacing nervously...by jogging very quickly back and forth through the entire apartment, since that's what The Flash would do. He even runs to the Grand Canyon to scream in anger. Howard was late because he couldn't get Raj's Aqua-Man seahorse on his scooter. But look! Up in the sky!ZACK: It's a bird! It's a plane!...I forget the rest.And Penny arrivesSHELDON: I'm sorry, but in what universe is Wonder Woman a blonde?HOWARD: Relax, nobody's gonna be looking at her hair.Zack tells her there was a brunette wig with the costume, but Penny refuses to wear it.ZACK: Uh, honey. You're kind of embarrassing me in front of my friends here.PENNY: That's it. I'm not going.RAJ: (happily) Looks like someone else is going to have to be Wonder Woman!Penny refuses to talk to Zack, and Sheldon reassuring her the outfit doesn't make her look fat but "beefy," since all Amazon women are beefy to him, didn't help, either. Zack doesn't want to go without Penny, so the guys are forced to do the unthinkable...switch to Muppet Baby costumes! Howard suggests Leonard talk to Penny.LEONARD: What makes you think I can convince her?HOWARD: You got her to have sex with you! Obviously your superpower is brainwashing!LEONARD: Let me see if I'm understanding this correctly. You want me to convince my ex-girlfriend to attend a costume party with her new boyfriend just so we can win a stupid prize?!?SHELDON: Yes, and make her wear the black wig. Good luck.Penny does let him in and Leonard wanted to know why she was reacting so negatively to his attempts to befriend Zack. It turns out Penny only dated Zack so she would have someone to go out with on New Year's Eve, which she thinks is pathetic. And she says that to a guy dressing as The Green Arrow for New Year's Eve. ("Lantern." "Like there's a difference.") She just wanted one date at a club and that was it, but now the guys were involved, especially Leonard...and she stops herself before she gets any more personal in front of Leonard. She agrees to go and even wears the wig.Sure enough, the gang wins the costume prize over the other two Justice League of America groups. Sheldon is ecstatic and has a speech, but everybody would rather count down the last ten seconds to New Year's. 2011 begins, and Zack and Penny kiss. And Leonard isn't happy. Truthfully, neither is Penny. But Zack sings the praises of the party on the way home. (Where Pasadena suddenly looks like Manhattan or downtown Chicago.) Right down to a car being broken into. Zack gives it some thought before deciding against helping out.And Sheldon needs to do that Grand Canyon thing again when Leonard lowers the temperature in the house.
12The Bus Pants Utilization
06 Jan 2011Description ▼
Leonard comes up with an idea to develop a smart phone app that would use handwriting recognition software to help in solving their differential equations problems. Although the app's use would be limited to about a hundred people worldwide, he wants to go ahead, and asks Sheldon, Howard and Raj to join him in the project. They all agree. Leonard, as the one who came up with the idea, has a relatively clear vision of how he wants to proceed. However, Sheldon believes his way is best and wants to be among things CEO and CFO of the project, and to have it named after him. When Sheldon's controlling ways become too much for Leonard to handle, Leonard fires him from the project team. Sheldon tries whatever he can to make life difficult for the other three to complete the project, and even believes he may have lost Leonard as a friend for good. Penny takes pity on a moping Sheldon, but comes to regret it. She has to figure out a way to foist Sheldon back onto Leonard.
13The Love Car Displacement
20 Jan 2011Description ▼
Penny initially declines an invitation from Amy Farrah Fowler, who considers Penny her best friend, to accompany her, Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Raj and Bernadette to a weekend long science conference at which they'll all be speaking. She changes her mind when she learns that the conference is all expenses paid at a four star spa resort in Big Sur. Penny wishes she could change her mind when the drive to Big Sur with Leonard, Sheldon and Amy ends up being a nerd's version of a road trip. She probably wouldn't appreciate being in Bernadette, Howard and Raj's car either, the former two who too happy in love. That love may be in jeopardy when at the conference, Howard meets Bernadette's handsome and 6'7" tall ex-boyfriend Glenn. An unfortunate comment from Howard to Bernadette about her former relationship with Glenn sets off a series of musical beds and musical bedrooms between the seven which culminates in a no holds barred airing of all their feelings at the conference's panel discussion.
14The Thespian Catalyst
03 Feb 2011Description ▼
Raj laments the fact of his single status. An admission by Bernadette totally preoccupies Raj's thoughts in his fragile state. Meanwhile, Sheldon has just conducted a guest lecture to the university's brightest doctoral candidates. He believes the lecture was an overwhelming success, but messages posted on various social networking sites show that Sheldon's perception and reality are polar opposites. A less than happy Sheldon decides to take some advice from Amy. As teaching is a performance art, she suggests that he take acting lessons. Despite or in part because he thinks she an acting failure, Sheldon asks Penny to be his teacher, his thoughts along the lines of the old adage, "those who can't do, teach". As Penny and Sheldon go through their antagonistic teacher/student relationship, Penny manages to get through to Sheldon in a way she couldn't have even imagined.
15The Benefactor Factor
10 Feb 2011Description ▼
A wealthy donor to the university makes Leonard consider how far he's willing to go for the sake of science.
16The Cohabitation Formulation
17 Feb 2011Description ▼
As Wolowitz contemplates taking things with Bernadette to the next level, Leonard rekindles his relationship with Raj's sister.
24 Feb 2011Description ▼
It's time to order pizza from Luigi's, although Sheldon (Jim Parsons) does wonder why they can't speak Italian. But Leonard (Johnny Galecki) wasn't staying for dinner, much to Sheldon's surprise. He's having dinner with Raj (Kunal Nayyar) and Priya. And Howard (Simon Helberg) was expected to be there as well. Sheldon is flabbergasted, as they were supposed to eat pizza from Luigi's, although he admits Luigi sounds a lot like Jackie Chan. Sheldon refuses to go based on their Thursday tradition of pizza. Raj might be serving haggis and blood pudding, which really are the same thing. Plus, Raj's plasma screen has a few dead pixels in the corner. And Raj's Tex-Mex doesn't meet with Sheldon's approval. (SHOCKING!) And watching Hofstadter "suck the saliva out of your sister's mouth" doesn't add to Raj's night. Sitting anywhere you want is like "hippies at a love-in" to Sheldon, even though Priya is trying her best to be a gracious host. But the margaritas are just a bit too much for him.Heading to The Cheesecake Factory, Sheldon drowns his sorrows in a...water. And Sheldon demands Penny (Kaley Cuoco) absentmindedly wipe down the bar and try to coax the weary patron (him) to divulging his troubles. Of course, telling Penny that hanging out at Raj's house for dinner was a problem didn't sit well, even when Raj put on Reggae music and Priya took off her shoes. ("It was like the last days of Caligula.") But Amy (Mayim Bialik) calls him (she was concerned he hadn't gone home and checked in at The Cheesecake Factory on Facebook) and tells him to get accustomed to Leonard being the social nucleus of the group, not him. Of course, Sheldon is in full denial. And he won't take it lying down. He sets out snacks at his apartment for the people Sheldon's having over. Stuart, Barry Kripke, Zack, Penny's ex-boyfriend, and LeVar Burton. ("I tweeted him.") But now Leonard had to leave, as Sheldon's guests were coming. Almost two minutes of awkward goodbyes later, Leonard leaves.SHELDON: He'll be back.LEONARD: Of course, I'll be back! I live here!!!If you think the night between Zack, Stuart, and Barry would be awkward...seriously, did you really expect it to go differently? But give Sheldon credit: he did prepare goody bags. Sheldon starts with introductions. Stuart was living in the comic book store now and hoped to get a hot shower out of the deal, Barry thought there would be a whaffle (sorry, must be present to win), and Zack will think of something to say about himself.Amy and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) decide to 'kidnap' Penny and take her out dancing. Although Amy didn't really need the pillowcase or the chloroform; she just needed to stop pestering Penny about the "sweet loving her ex is currently receiving from the jewel of Mumbai."Give Zack credit; he recovered with an enthralling story about getting into a hot tub naked at a ski lodge with a drunk girl. Except Sheldon wanted to know if it was a hot tub or a Jacuzzi. ("Wheally? That was your qwestion?") As the drunk girl got in, Sheldon felt it was time for his story of how Archimedes learned about water displacement from taking a bath. After all his story had a gold crown, where Zack's simply had wet breasts. But long story short, Zack nailed her.SHELDON: But when he finished, he shouted Eureka!ZACK: Nope, I shouted Holy Moly. Don't know why. Just do.Sheldon wants to warm up the vintage videogames, but Kripke went to get his karaoke machine, Zack made a beer run, and Stuart went to take a shower.At Raj's, they enjoyed chili cooked by Priya, who had a Texas roommate in England, while the guys regailed her with stories about Leonard's Texas roommate, who was punched by Bill Gates once for telling him "maybe if you weren't so distracted by sick children in Africa, you could have put a little more thought into Windows Vista." They toasted a Sheldon-free evening, and they find out it's not as fun without Sheldon telling them the Romans used to put spiced toast in their punch bowls. They admit to missing him.The ladies are preparing to go out (once Penny gives them a place to go), and Penny picks a dress Amy feels show enough bosom to attract a new mate or a hungry infant. They want Penny to get a guy tonight.BERNADETTE: Pick out the hottest guy in the room, take him home, do unspeakable things to him, then kick him to the curb with a smile on his face and teeth marks on his hiney?PENNY: More or less.AMY: What's that like?Penny thinks she's OK with not being in a relationship, but Amy has some advice for stress management for people in Penny's predicament, such as herself. One involves an electric toothbrush. And none involve Bernadette finding the snowflake from the North Pole Leonard brought home for Penny a year ago.PENNY: Screw it, let's go find me a hiney to bite.AMY: And if we fail, we can always go to CVS and pick out an electric toothbrush for you. Mine's called Gerald.BERNADETTE: (to Penny) That's a little creepy.Actually, Zack and Kripke singing Don't Go Breaking My Heat by Elton John and Kiki Dee, now THAT'S creepy!STUART: (in only a towel) Anybody do Walking on Sunshine yet? Dibs!Sheldon finally gives in and goes back to all his friends. His new buddies "were having fun wrong." But the gang still welcomes him back, even though real chili doesn't have beans in it.As it happens, LeVar Burton did show up, only to see Stuart, Kripke, and Zack singing Walking on Sunshine.LEVAR: I am SO done with Twitter!
18The Prestidigitation Approximation
10 Mar 2011Description ▼
Leonard (Johnny Galecki) is hopeful it isn't racist that he practiced a few moves from the Kama Sutra on Priya, which she finds completely silly. But to his credit, there is no such book as Weird Sex With White Boys, so when in Rome... Then Priya makes the only mistake women can make in Relationships 101: change the guy too much. She starts with Leonard's glasses, which he happily converts to contacts and goes on to a lifetime (or an episode) of crashing into things. Although Penny (Kaley Cuoco) does approve of Priya taking Leonard shopping for a whole new wardrobe, since she could never get him to stop wearing the hoodie.At work, Howard (Simon Helberg) tries a new magic trick with Raj (Kunal Nayyar). He gets a card out of the deck, and Howard correctly guesses it. Sheldon (Jim Parsons) is not at all impressed, since he thinks magic is just all about misdirection and manipulation. Howard dares him to explain it.HOWARD: Have you ever noticed when he thinks real hard, it smells like bacon?Sheldon can't come up with the solution and is even more dumbfounded when Penny whispers to Howard how she thinks the trick will go...and gets it right.PENNY: Big deal! Not knowing's part of the fun.SHELDON. (mocking) 'not knowing's part of the fun'. Was that the motto of your community college?Leonard and Priya have another lovely night in bed, following Penny's reassurances she's perfectly fine with Leonard dating Priya...reassuring herself, natch. However, Priya isn't too thrilled with Penny hanging out in the guys' apartment so much and wants Leonard to stop seeing her. (Yes, they did this on Friends, just wait it out.) Priya got Leonard to admit he wouldn't be happy if she hung out with her ex. He doesn't sound confident he can do it (shocking!), but he will try to. And he will also try to get Priya into a Lt. Uhura Star Trek uniform, except the one he knows of belongs to Raj.The next day, Leonard tries to explain it to Penny in the laundry, but Penny preventing him from ruining the shirt Priya just got him didn't help, nor did his story about Darwin's observations of finches on the Galapagos Islands changing beaks to adapt to eating in the environment with other finches. But 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' sounds like Penny got it, so Leonard figures he has it covered.Sheldon spends the entire night trying to figure out the card trick, even interrupting Leonard and Priya and hacking into the military's Cray supercomputer at Oak Ridge (which prompted Homeland Security to call his mother). Perhaps Howard used a radioactive tracer, in which case Sheldon needs to find some uranium-235...on Craigslist. The next day, he improves on Howard's trick with a magic wand, which also doubled as a barcode scanner to read the barcode on the back of the card and have it texted to him. Howard does the trick one more time with Raj, and Raj is convinced again...as far as Sheldon knows.RAJ: Are you ever going to tell him?HOWARD: Maybe. When it stops being fun.Leonard takes Priya to an Indian restaurant (still not racist), where she tells him she may be getting a transfer to Los Angeles. Of course, that would make it a very bad time for Penny to stop by and hang out with them. In spite of Penny saving the silk shirt from being washed with Leonard's Spider Man underwear, Priya is definitely not a fan of hers, even though Penny really likes her. Leonard finally gives in and talks to Penny. Actually, he wants Penny to move out of the building. She correctly guesses Priya wants her to stop hanging out with Leonard. She promises to keep her distance from him, but Leonard doesn't want that. (kind of the reverse of what happened on Friends). She gets he's in a relationship, but he wants to hang out on the down-low with her.PENNY: Are you really that kind of guy?LEONARD: No. I actually felt silly saying 'on the down-low'.Penny leaves, but Leonard chases after her...before crashing into the door. ("Damn contacts!")Sheldon is still upset and wants to see the card trick again. This time, he picks the card. Which is a problem...until Raj sees Sheldon's card and signals to Howard what card it is.HOWARD: Two of hearts.SHELDON: I hate you.
19The Zarnecki Incursion
31 Mar 2011Description ▼
Sheldon is totally distraught - even to the point of calling in the police and trying to call in the FBI - after someone has hacked into his
20The Herb Garden Germination
07 Apr 2011Description ▼
Starting with Penny to Amy, a rumor quickly spreads amongst Leonard, Sheldon, Raj and Priya that Bernadette is planning on breaking up with Howard. This rumor is especially of interest to Raj since despite being Howard's best friend, he has always been in love with Bernadette himself. Additional news comes to light directly from Howard, who is planning on asking Bernadette to marry him. Based on the rumor, the rest of gang believe that Howard is in for a major let-down, much to Raj's excitement. But will Howard go through with his plan and if he does, will the rumor prove to be true? Meanwhile, Amy and Sheldon, watching the speed with which the rumor has spread, propose another social science experiment of starting two rumors - one of a salacious nature, and one more mundane - to see how quickly both spread amongst the group.
21The Agreement Dissection
28 Apr 2011Description ▼
When Priya uses her lawyer skills to pick apart the roommate agreement, the girls take Sheldon dancing.
22The Wildebeest Implementation
05 May 2011Description ▼
Priya and Leonard ask Howard and Bernadette to join them for a couples only dinner at the Koothrappalis' apartment. Amy sees the invitation as Priya's way of conquering and dividing Bernadette especially from Penny. But Amy also sees it as an opportunity for Bernadette to be a mole to feed false information about how great Penny's life is to Priya and Leonard, while gathering intel about Priya and Leonard to feed back to Penny. Bernadette, who doesn't like to lie and doesn't do it very well, doesn't like the idea, but she agrees, with Amy to coach her via text messaging throughout the evening. Will Bernadette be able to hold up the ruse for the entire evening? Meanwhile, Raj is thinking about testing a new drug to help with his social anxiety disorder. And Sheldon develops a new game: three-man chess.
23The Engagement Reaction
Howard and Bernadette have started planning their wedding, but they have failed either to tell Bernadette's parents or Mrs. Wolowitz that they are even engaged. To ingratiate Bernadette to Mrs. Wolowitz, Howard thinks that the two primary women in his life need to have some quality alone time at a deli lunch. After the fact, Bernadette believes the lunch went well, and that her future mother-in-law actually likes her. So Howard, in a moment of bravery - while Mrs. Wolowitz is behind a locked bathroom door doing nature's business - tells his mother about being engaged to Bernadette. Immediately after the announcement, Howard hears a thud on the bathroom floor. Howard believes his mother has had a heart attack over the news. After getting her to the hospital, Howard has to decide if he will tell Bernadette that Mrs. Wolowitz's hospitalization is due to her. Meanwhile, Penny and Priya come to a somewhat new understanding in their non-relationship all based on their common knowledge of Leonard. And mysophobe Sheldon reluctantly enters the germ filled hospital to support Howard. The visit ends up being even worse than Sheldon could have imagined.
24The Roommate Transmogrification
19 May 2011Description ▼
For those of you who did not know, The Cheesecake Factory offers shepherd's pie. Priya (Aarti Mann) wouldn't mind splitting it with Leonard (Johnny Galecki), but as Penny (Kaley Cuoco) warns her, "milk in the 'taters, milk in the gravy, parmesan crust, your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn into a Macy's Day balloon." Which gets a laugh from the entire gang. And Sheldon (Jim Parsons) pointing out Leonard would actually be filled with methane instead of helium gets a laugh, too. Much to his surprise. Howard (Simon Helberg) thinks it's great, Leonard's girlfriend and ex-girlfriend bonding over "his rooty-tooty stinky booty."LEONARD: Oh, just kill me.SHELDON: Wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.Sheldon's on a roll tonight! Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) turned in her dissertation and got her PhD and got a job offer from a pharmaceutical company, where she'll make a "buttload of money." As opposed to Leonard, who has a buttload of something else. And according to Penny, everybody sitting at the table has a doctorate...except Howard.LEONARD: At least when I roll down the window in the car, everything's peachy. You roll down the window, you're still not a doctor.PENNY: (to Priya) Trust me, even when he rolls down the window, everything is not "peachy."Raj (Kunal Nayyar) is kicking it at his apartment with some Vanilla Ice. (Shocking.) And it appears Priya changed her name to Lt. Uhura...at Leonard's request. Seriously, four nerds like this and two of them now have real girlfriends, a Star Trek sex fantasy is inevitable. Leonard tells her to prepare for "inspection." Priya's worried because Raj is right outside, but Leonard reminds her he has headphones on (not right now), and she should open the shuttle bay doors and prepare for landing. Raj runs for the hills and lands at Howard's place, where even Howard's mother is giving him crap about not being a doctor. Raj explains his situation and asks if he can stay the night. Howard has a date, so it'd be just Raj and Howard's mother. Howard asks, and his mother is excited to play Doctor with Raj.RAJ: She's kidding, right?HOWARD: I'm not sure. She's been acting a bit fiesty since they put her on hormonal replacement therapy.And off to Sheldon's it is, where Amy (Mayim Bialik) talks about the difference between her Neurobiology doctorate and Bernadette's Microbiology doctorate. ("I study the brain, which produced Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, which produces Miller Lite. On the good side, Amy gives Sheldon some instructions on how to work out the twinge in his neck. He finds the myofascial point on the shoulder and bears down on it "like the seventh grade noogies we know all too well." And it works. In fact, it was like donating at the sperm bank for Sheldon, minus the contribution to society. Raj explains Leonard is having "astronomically-incorrect Star Trek sex" in his bed, and Sheldon whips out the release form for using Leonard's bed without Leonard's permission. Plus the safety briefing about the emergency exits, complete with luminous arrows should the power go out.In the morning, Leonard was surprised Raj was in his bed, but Raj retorted that his bed was "being used to bring shame to my family...and the memory of Gene Roddenberry." Raj's reward for all of this? A CPR refresher course using a dummy. "Mouth-to-mouth Mona"...whom Howard used to date. Leonard sympathizes but Priya didn't get along with Sheldon. (RAJ: Sheldon doesn't get along with Sheldon!) Leonard proposes they switch apartments until Priya gets her own place.RAJ: Can I bring girls here?LEONARD: (amused) Bring as many as you want. Just...not against their will.As Leonard and Raj tease Howard about watching his weight since he'll be a trophy husband, Sheldon brings all of the paperwork to sign, which includes a living will where Sheldon can make all of Raj's decisions in a case of life-threatening circumstances. (LEONARD: There's a reciprocity clause: you get to pull the plug on him, too.) Raj also gets his tasks of driving Sheldon everywhere, picking up takeout dinners (tonight's menu was in appendix B or downloadable from Sheldon's server), and he received an FAQ sheet. Although Sheldon does have a live webchat on Tuesday nights about the apartment for when Raj desires a more "human approach" to living there. But give Raj credit: he really threw himself into the first dinner, complete with candles, a bottle of good wine, and what sounded like Kenny G in the background.SHELDON: Remarkable! I'm just realizing how much Leonard's been skating by all these years!RAJ: Just think of me as a brown Martha Stewart.Penny came by because Sheldon changed the wi-fi password again and wondered what happened to Leonard. Like homo erectus, Leonard was replaced by a superior species. (RAJ: I'm the new homo in town!)Howard asked Bernadette what she'd be doing at her new job, and she decided to volunteer for the premature ejaculation project. Like you didn't see that coming. (boooo!!!) But Howard put that to the side, as Bernadette bought Howard a Rolex watch. Howard was flabbergasted and wondered how much it cost, but Bernadette told him to let her worry about the money, because she wants Howard to have pretty things.Penny has joined Sheldon and Raj for dinner, and is well into the wine, thanks to Sheldon's dinner conversations. Apparently, there's another species besides humans who ferment fruit to make alcohol and get drunk. Hint: they have trunks.PENNY: MonkeysSHELDON: (ticked) When would a monkey have a trunk?PENNY: When a suitcase just won't do.Penny and Raj liked that one. Sheldon? Not so much. And as alcohol was playing keep-away with their intelligence, he went to bed. Penny took advantage of Raj talking to her because of the booze. Penny wants to know what would make Raj snap so badly that he'd willingly move in with Sheldon. The noise-cancelling headphones he had weren't enough, to which Penny was sympathetic. (PENNY: Leonard's a noisy little dude in the sack.) Raj wanted to change topics, since his sister was the other party involved. Penny confides in Raj she screwed up when she broke up with Leonard.RAJ: To paraphrase Shakespeare, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to stay home and download increasingly shameful pornography. (true that)Raj is depressed, but Penny thinks he's a cute guy.PENNY: If we weren't friends...and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story...I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.RAJ: Hey, you got that right! E equals M C squared!PENNY: See? I listened. Don't know what it means, but I listened.At Raj's, Priya was discovering just how much of a noisy little dude Leonard was...and they were only kissing. They were interrupted by Priya's parents calling on videochat. Leonard insisted they tell her parents they're dating, but Priya had five brothers and sisters and was waiting for one of them to make a bigger screw-up before breaking the news. Leonard reluctantly goes but overhears her parents being happy when Priya moves back to India in a month. He's shocked, and Priya's parents can hear him. And Priya's parents knew she was lying a blue streak when she said Raj had many friends. He was upset she didn't tell him about this and she gets upset for telling her parents they were dating, even though it was apparently irrelevant. She walks out, and Leonard gets to deal with the online version of Meet the Parents.Oh, you may recall Penny gets a bit on the flirty side when she has some alcohol in her, as Leonard can attest to. And now...RAJ! They wake up in bed together. She vehemently says this never happened, and he nods in agreement. (PENNY: Really?!? Still can't talk to me?!?) Sheldon wakes up Leonard on the couch for poaching on the apartment, since he and Raj have a good thing going. Howard drops by, confessing he had a fight with Bernadette for giving him a beautiful watch.SHELDON: Leonard, do you understand this?LEONARD: Yes.SHELDON: (to Howard) Talk to him.Leonard doesn't want to, particularly when Penny and Raj emerge from his bedroom. Penny assures everybody it wasn't what it looked like and did the Run of Shame. (Walk of Shame ain't good enough in this case)SHELDON: (confused) What DOES it look like?
1The Skank Reflex Analysis
22 Sep 2011Description ▼
In the aftermath of Raj and Penny's night together from which Raj believes he's in love with her, everyone seems to be mad at Raj. Although he has no intention of getting back together with Penny despite Priya having moved back to India, Leonard is mad at Raj for sleeping with his old girlfriend. Leonard turns to an unlikely source for advice about his feelings. Howard is mad at Raj for taking his supposed place as second in line (after Leonard) in Penny's loins. Howard is also mad at Raj when it comes to light that Raj fantasized about Bernadette. And Bernadette is mad a Raj for making Howard think that there was something going on between them. While Penny takes refuge away from the guys at Amy's, she contemplates her future, which includes thoughts of moving back to Nebraska since her acting career is no career at all. Ultimately, Penny and Raj need to discuss what happened, which Penny finds out is not quite what she thought. Through it all, Sheldon can only think about his leadership in the upcoming paint-ball battle against the geology department. Sheldon's actions may unwittingly bring the friends back together.
2The Infestation Hypothesis
22 Sep 2011Description ▼
With Priya having moved back to India, she and Leonard decide to try having a long distance relationship, which includes Skyping each other on a regular basis. Howard suggests that they take that communication one step further by having high speed on-line sex with each other. When conventional on-line sex between the two of them fails, Howard has some equipment that he thinks will enhance their on-line experience, which he demonstrates with Raj while an comfortable Leonard looks on. While Leonard and Priya are talking on-line, Sheldon takes refuge in Penny's apartment. Sheldon is in love with how comfortable Penny's new chair is, until he finds out that it is a used chair that she found discarded on the street. A freaked out Sheldon is certain that he has contracted some nasty bug from sitting in the chair, and does whatever he can to make Penny get rid of it. None of Sheldon's tactics works. Something else may make Penny think twice about keeping the chair.
3The Pulled Groin Extrapolation
29 Sep 2011Description ▼
After a group dinner at Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, Leonard and Amy are the unlikely pair left alone at the apartment as everyone else goes off for the evening. Despite it being a somewhat uncomfortable evening for Leonard, he agrees to accompany Amy to an upcoming wedding, she who refuses to take Sheldon based on a past incident. At the reception, Amy, who "whored" herself up to meet her perception of social convention, is the one of the two who tries to enjoy their time together in this social setting. Leonard ultimately appreciates Amy's attempts. But both Amy and Sheldon misinterpret Leonard's appreciation. Meanwhile, Howard tells a disbelieving Bernadette that he expects them to live with his mother in her house after they're married. After an argument, Bernadette at least agrees to go through a trial weekend at the Wolowitz house. And Sheldon is off in his own literally little world as he plays with his new HO model train set.
4The Wiggly Finger Catalyst
06 Oct 2011Description ▼
Especially with Howard and Bernadette's impending marriage, everyone, including Raj himself, is feeling sorry for Raj not having a girlfriend. The problem of Raj finding a girlfriend or one of his friends finding him a girlfriend is his inability to speak to women unless intoxicated. Penny, however, thinks she's come up with the perfect girl who at least gets around that talking issue. Emily, who Penny knows solely from her spin class, is deaf. Despite initially needing Howard to translate since Howard knows ASL - Howard who feels he needs to take poetic license in translating what Raj wants to say - Raj and Emily seem to hit it off. Raj quickly falls head over heals in love with her, and the gang believes Emily has fallen head over heels in love with Raj. However, they soon change their minds about Emily's feelings, believing that she has only one selfish interest in Raj, which makes them see Raj in a slightly different light. As the one who got Raj into the relationship, Penny feels she has to take whatever measure necessary to get him out of it, which Raj may or may not appreciate or fully understand. Meanwhile, to free up his brain for more important matters, Sheldon is leaving all trivial decisions of his life literally up to the roll of the dice.
5The Russian Rocket Reaction
13 Oct 2011Description ▼
Since they are in the comic book store when he stops in, Leonard and Sheldon are invited by
6The Rhinitis Revelation
20 Oct 2011Description ▼
Sheldon's mom has come for a visit. Mary Cooper Laurie Metcalf is going on a cruise with her church group, the "Born Again Boat Ride," where they have the Jonah and The Whale-watching, Last Supper Buffet (all you can eat, natch), and Gunning With God, where you write your sins on a clay pigeon and blast them with a 12-gauge shotgun full of forgiveness. You can guess how Sheldon (Jim Parsons) feels about it.SHELDON: Frankly Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become. Willing to sail on the ocean without fear of falling off the edge?Mary was none too happy with that, and she was less thrilled that Sheldon got the fixings for fried chicken...and assumed she would make it. However Leonard (Johnny Galecki), sensitive to the fact she just had a long flight, proposed a sushi restaurant nearby. Sheldon voted that down in favor of the chicken, but Mary didn't feel like cooking and there was no harm in trying something new.SHELDON: There's could be harm in trying something new! That's why we test out drugs and cosmetics on bunny rabbits!Leonard thinks Sheldon's talking crazy, but Mary did say she had him tested. Although perhaps she should have followed up with that specialist in Houston.Mary wanted to see sushi that wasn't at a road stop "written in Kung-Fu letters", although Leonard said that may not have been politically correct to say. (Mary needs to be updated, clearly.) Sheldon tells her about Amy's experiments and how she's studying the neurology of addiction in lower animals. ("She's THIS close to getting a starfish hooked on cocaine.") Mary isn't sure of the relationship, but Leonard says it's like the Loch Ness monster: "maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't, we'll never really know. Although sometimes it's fun creeping yourself out thinking about it." Leonard tells Mary about his long-distance relationship with Priya and how her parents don't like him because he's white. (MARY: Well, that's a funny turn. You never think about it going the other way.) But Mary advises Leonard to take his time and not force it.MARY: A cat can have kittens in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits.SHELDON: (ticked) There's another old saying: you can lead a chicken to Crisco, but you can't make your mother fry it.MARY: Sheldon, you pester me one more about chicken one more time and I'll put you over my knee right here in this restaurant.LEONARD: (to Sheldon) Please pester her. Please? For me?Back at the apartment, Raj (Kunal Nayyar) was waiting for them with a three-pack of beer. Formerly a six-pack because he was depressed about being alone. (MARY: I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional alcohol problem.) Mary comforts her and tells her the clerk at her Wal-Mart wasn't going to find anyone because she was too tall. ("Woman could hunt geese with a rake.") One Harlem Globetrotters tour later, and she has two kids. And Sheldon won't get a pecan pie from his mother, either.LEONARD: Have some Oreos.SHELDON: Double-stuff? (No.) Oh, good. Kick a man while he's down.Sheldon did find an activity to do with his mother the next day: his laundry. That is, until Penny (Kaley Cuoco) arrived and the two ladies got to talking about her love life. Mary told her if she's going to let a man ride the roller coaster, he should at least buy a ticket. (PENNY: Well, they all don't get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes, they just get to spin the teacups.) But Penny asked Mary to help her pick an outfit out for clubbing that night, and off the ladies went to her apartment. ("When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine!") And Sheldon was left doing his own laundry.Later that day, as Sheldon and the gang finally enjoyed Mom-made fried chicken, Howard (Simon Helberg) tells Mary about his impending trip to the International Space Station, and Sheldon tells Mary about taking her the next day to see Saul Perlmutter, a Nobel laureate in Cosmology. Sheldon was going to take the Q&A session to ask a few Q's certain to kick Saul's A. But everybody else offered to take her sightseeing around L.A. to the Hollywood Sign, the Wax Museum, the Walk of Fame, even Rodeo Drive. ("Well, I can't afford a $12,000 handbag, but it's free to look on those who do with righteous condemnation.")SHELDON: Stop ruining my mom's visit, with your sushi and your sadness and your slutty shirts. Stop it! (storms out)HOWARD: (Raj whispers to him) He's not talking about your shirt. Your shirt is fine!The next morning, Sheldon apologizes to his mother and makes plans for the lecture with Saul Perlmutter. ("When he gets to the part about saying the universe is older than 6,000 years, I figured you could just put your fingers in your ears and humAmazing Grace during those parts.") Mary was still going out with the gang, which surprised Sheldon because he apologized when he thought he had done nothing wrong. But Mary hung out in enough lecture halls with Sheldon in her life.MARY: I am going to Hollywood and thank a wax Ronald Reagan for his service to our country. Sheldon refuses to move an inch until she changes her mind, which she won't do. Sheldon thinks they're at a crossroads in their relationship.SHELDON: When you're at the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum, if you see an exhibit about a mother who threw away the chance to spend the day with the World's Most Wonderful Son, believe it because it's true!Sheldon goes to the lecture with Amy (Mayim Bialik) and came home totally disappointed. Amy thinks Sheldon is cranky because his mother isn't making him a priority anymore. Sheldon denies it, of course, despite the infant-mother dynamic being the building block of primate psychology. And Sheldon is upset because Amy pointed out that people who don't overthink things are more capable of handling emotions. Not to mention the cold he's catching. ("Oh, the common cold. You would just love for me to catch that, wouldn't you.")It turns out Mary's tour of L.A. was to see churches. Lots of them. Although Raj was impressed at the image of Jesus on the crucifix. None of the Hindu gods had abs like Him.HOWARD: Yup, the last Jew to do sit-ups. Look where it got Him.Mary gathers everybody together to do some praying, which nobody really wanted to do. But she really needed it in the middle of a "rosary rattler" church (her term for Catholic) in Gomorrah, California. ("Thank you for the blessings of my Shelly and the strength not to coldcock him with my Bible.") Then it was Penny's turn, who asks God to stop her brother from cooking crystal meth. ("But no cops. Be cool.") Mary also asks God to send Penny that little "talk" He had with Mary Magdalene. Leonard asks for some help with Priya. (MARY: Hear that? Girl trouble. We were both wrong on that front.") Howard hoped he was exempt because he was Jewish; he was just hoping not to burst into flames. Raj was next, and he asked (through Howard) to help with dropping those last five pounds. Mary thought he should have gone with that talking-to-girls thing, but it was too late.On a park bench at night, Sheldon lamented he was just the same as the "common man" sitting next to him on the bench. ("Two peas in a pod. A common pea, and a pea that comes along once or twice in a generation.") Only the common pea was smart enough to have an umbrella when it started raining. Everybody else was back at the apartment enjoying Mary's cooking. Sheldon comes home with a nasty cold, and Mary takes him to his bed and cares for him. Sheldon thanks her for taking care of only him...and sticks his tongue out at everybody else. Even putting Vap-O-Rub on his chest. But she insisted there had to be a different relationship because Sheldon wasn't eight anymore. Although she would still sing Soft Kitty to him.
7The Good Guy Fluctuation
27 Oct 2011Description ▼
Leonard is nonplussed when he is approached by a beautiful woman named Alice while they're both in the comic book store. He figures that her interest in him is purely on that comic book level, especially when he finds out that she is a comic book artist herself. But he soon finds out that her interest in him also extends to the carnal. Leonard doesn't know what to do about the situation. For him, Alice may be that perfect and rare woman - both a nerd and beautiful - but he doesn't want to risk ruining his relationship with Priya, who he sees could one day be his wife and despite their current long distance relationship not being totally satisfying. He turns to the only one of his friends who has any relationship experience, Penny, for advice. He realistically wants her to tell him that he can have his cake and eat it too. Meanwhile, Sheldon is trying to get back at Leonard, Howard and Raj for a Halloween prank they pulled on him which made him both faint and relieve himself of some bodily fluids. But will Sheldon, who has less than conventional sensibilities, be able to pull off such stunts himself?
8The Isolation Permutation
03 Nov 2011Description ▼
While Amy and the guys are eating lunch in the cafeteria, Howard receives a text message from Bernadette about how her wedding and bridesmaids dress shopping is going with Penny. This news hurts Amy, who feels like she has through most of her life as the shunned person by who she thought were her friends. She turns to Sheldon for support, he who is not well equipped to handle Amy's request for support. As such, he turns to Howard and Leonard to get "their women in line". Howard and Leonard find out that Bernadette and Penny did have a specific reason for not inviting Amy. Feeling like they did betray their new girlfriend, Bernadette and Penny have to come up with a way to make it up to Amy in a meaningful way, otherwise they may face the continued wrath of Sheldon.
9The Ornithophobia Diffusion
10 Nov 2011Description ▼
Penny (Kaley Cuoco) works the lunch shift today but at least gets eight pounds of about-to-go-bad salmon for her efforts. If only she knew how to cook it. Probably should have gone for the iffy chicken. As Leonard (Johnny Galecki) and Sheldon (Jim Parsons) were going to watch Star Wars tonight, since Leonard had only seen it on Blu-Ray twice ("I know, it's high-resolution sadness."), Penny invites him to go to the movies with her. He's hesitant, as they never spent time together by themselves since the breakup. But Penny doesn't see it as a date, just a man and a woman hanging out and not having sex at the end of the night. ("Sounds like most of my dates.") They hear screaming from Sheldon, who is trying to shoo a bluejay off of his window ledge. Apparently, Sheldon has Ornithophobia, a fear of birds. Which he is certain will be recognized as a true disability, requiring the building management to put up a net around the whole structure. (BTW, he's afraid of nets, too.) Although it certainly makes up Leonard's mind as to going out with Penny to the movies. Animal Control's advice of making cat sounds doesn't seem to work, and Sheldon tried a drawing of a cat...that he may have drawn when he was six. ("What am I thinking? Whiskers!")Since Leonard and Penny aren't dating, there's something of a debate on which movie to watch. Penny wants to watch the latest Jennifer Aniston movie, but Leonard wants to watch a documentary regarding a dam being built in South America. Of course, Leonard realizes he always let Penny pick the movies while they were dating since it was how he got to have sex with her, and since they weren't going to have sex, it was his turn. ("To this day, I can't see a Sandra Bullock movie poster without getting both bored and aroused.")PENNY: We were going out. You would have gotten sex anyway.LEONARD: Really? You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?PENNY: No. No woman would.Penny finally caves...and Leonard wants $11 for her ticket. ("Not a date.")The movie is delayed, much to the consternation of Howard (Simon Helberg) and Raj (Kunal Nayyar), because the bluejay just won't leave. (HOWARD: If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.") But Sheldon wants Howard to help him set up a high-frequency tone generator to frighten off the bird. They try it out...and shatter the window. (No, the bluejay doesn't fly off.) Sheldon has spent a lifetime being harassed by birds, from a hummingbird who tried to get at the apple juice in his sippy cup as a baby to a parrot in a pet store who called him a fat ass. He finally decides to try something more drastic: he dons his Boba Fett helmet and shoo the bird off with a broom. And the bird flies off...into the apartment. And sits on Sheldon's spot.Penny and Leonard's non-date is going great...for Leonard. He decides to order some fries and insists Penny orders her own instead of picking at his. While he's gone, she accidentally bumps the person next to her and starts talking to him. He's a playwright writing a screenplay about a guy who has sex and tells his roommate to go to a bar and write his screenplay. Not that high on the HOllywood pecking order, but Penny decides to talk to him anyway. Kevin, however, wants to get Penny get back to her date, which she says this wasn't, which Leonard reluctantly agrees to. Penny moves over to Kevin's table while Leonard looks on. As it turns out, Penny seeing that documentary was quite an "in" with Kevin. Leonard pulls her aside and thinks she's talking to Kevin on purpose. However, Penny thinks Kevin is cute with "his dorky t-shirt and hipster glasses." (click)PENNY: But when you're tall and have high cheekbones, you're doing it ironically.Leonard threatens to go talk to some girls in the bar, and Penny tells him to go do that. If only they weren't in a group...Sheldon calls in some biology experts to deal with the bird. Of course, Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) deals in microorganisms and Amy (Mayim Bialik) studies brains, so they weren't sure how Sheldon thought they were experts on bird-shooing. Bernadette thinks the bluejay is cute, and the bluejay feels likewise about her. Sheldon still wants them to flush the bird down the toilet. Amy points out the only way to get over his fear is to interact with the bird...just like he did with the mailman.SHELDON: Every year, tens of people are killed by birds. I don't want to become a statistic.Bernadette insisted Sheldon interact with the bluejay. (Her exact words were, "just pet the bird, you big baby!") Sheldon does, and he is enthralled. ("OK, now flush him down the toilet.")Leonard finally finds a woman to talk to, telling her his interests included hiking, singing karaoke in Korea Town, and Jennifer Aniston movies. Of course, those were Penny's interests, but they seemed to work. Penny returns and wants to hang out with Leonard since Kevin took off, but obviously now the tables are turned. Leonard encourages her to go talk to some guys. Penny will not take this lying down, so she tells Laura (the woman Leonard was chatting up), that Leonard owns two Star Trek uniforms and wears them. ("Not just for Halloween.") Leonard protests, saying he didn't tell Kevin that Penny thought cold wars were only fought in winter. Penny concedes that, so she promised not to tell Laura that half the porn Leonard owned was animated. Leonard reminded her he didn't tell Kevin about her long acting role as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.PENNY: (ticked off) What about your lucky asthma inhaler?LEONARD: (equally ticked) Spell asthma.Penny demands Leonard take her home, but he wants to hang out with...never mind, Laura took off. They do apologize to each other after a very uncomfortable walk up the stairs.Sheldon did a complete 180 with the bird, saying how magnificent it was and even asked Bernadette to take a picture of him and the bluejay that could go on a mug, a mousepad, and a calendar. Sheldon is all lovey-dovey with the bird.AMY: (jealous) Guess you gotta have hollow bones to get some sugar around here.Sheldon goes to open the window to get Lovey-Dovey (yes, he named it that) a nest for him to sleep in, and the bird flew out of the apartment. Sheldon was devastated; he already ordered 20 pounds of bird feed off of Amazon. But there was some good news: based on the egg in the nest, Sheldon was going to be a mommy.
10The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition
17 Nov 2011Description ▼
The guys plus Amy (Mayim Bialik) head to the comic book store. Amy isn't all that impressed, thinking with Sheldon's (Jim Parsons) intellectual capacity, he could have a better hobbies, such as frequenting an opium den or hunting fellow humans for sport. But Sheldon points out storytelling through sequential art goes back 17,000 years, "and you play the harp...like that's cool." But since Stuart (Kevin Sussman) can't help Amy find a comic not depicting a woman whose bosom can be used as a flotation device (since they don't exist), she's out of luck. However, since Amy didn't look through Stuart with soul-sucking, ball-shriveling hatred and contempt, he wants to ask her out. He asks Leonard (Johnny Galecki) to get permission from Sheldon to ask Amy out. Although Leonard's in a bit of an argument with Howard (Simon Helberg) and Raj (Kunal Nayyar) right now over who would win in a battle between the White Wizard of the North from the Mystic Realm of Ka'a and Billy the Kid, as stupid of a discussion they all agree it is.RAJ: Totally. I mean a six-shooter totally beats an old man with a wand.Leonard goes home to ask Sheldon a question, which for some reason always comes back to Sheldon thinking Leonard should abandon his research and focus on his teaching. But after several minutes of rather condescending talk, Sheldon admits he doesn't own Amy so he has no objections. After all, he couldn't see a peddler of comic books drawing the interests of a noted neurobiologist like Amy. Over in Penny's (Kaley Cuoco) apartment, the discussion goes much more smoothly...about Stuart. The conversation about Amy wanting to play Twister with Penny and Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) is another story. But to be fair, Amy considered herself quite the expert at Twister and she wanted to see how well she'd do playing with others.AMY: What do you say, Bestie? We can do shirts and skins. I'm shirts! Called it!The three discuss Stuart's text. Bernadette thinks Amy is stepping out on Sheldon, but Penny thinks since she's been with Sheldon for a year and it hasn't gone anywhere, Amy should be free to check out her other options. Which she apparently does, as evidenced by the fact Stuart wasn't at the comic book store (and someone even scarier than Leonard's and Sheldon's love child was in charge). Leonard asks Sheldon if he is OK.SHELDON: Leonard, I am on a lifelong trajectory that includes a Nobel prize and cities named after me. All four wisdom teeth fit comfortably in my mouth without need of extraction, and my bowel movements run like a German train schedule. Am I OK?The guys kick back with a game of Wild West and Witches, and Sheldon even wore a hat, boots, and brought a spittoon for the occasion. Which the other guys find ridiculous, but Leonard tells them to ease up since Sheldon has to deal with Amy being on a date with Stuart. (HOWARD: Are you telling me that Sheldon's patented combination of condescension and no sex isn't enough to hold onto a woman?) Sheldon isn't jealous and actually thinks it's the guys who are obsessed. That could be, as Raj has now bought the deluxe signed edition of Wild West and Witches...just after Leonard, Howard, and he laid out $25 each for the regular pack. (But the deluxe set comes with a sheriff's badge that doubles as a magic wand.) Sheldon, meanwhile, checks Stuart's Facebook page to see how the date went, still denying he has any interest in how "sharing a pumpkin latte with a dynamite lady" went. And the guys trying to convince him he does have feelings for Amy just gets them unfriended by Sheldon on Facebook.Sheldon goes to knock on Penny's door. (Funny one tonight.) Sheldon asks her to go on a date. ("Dining, dancing, maybe taking in a prize fight?") Of course, Penny realized Sheldon was trying to make Amy jealous to get her back, which Sheldon denies. ("I am not trying to get her back. But out of curiosity, what is a way?") Penny tells Sheldon to strap on a pair and talk to Amy. ("Strap on a pair of what? Skates?")Sheldon finally straps a pair on and attends the movie Amy and Stuart are seeing. Sheldon admits he finds the thought of Amy sitting in a darkened theatre with a character like Stuart is repellent.SHELDON: No offense, StuartSTUART: None taken, but repellent is sort of a strong word.AMY: Based on the currently-established parameters of our relationship, I can put myself in any repellent relationship I want.STUART: (offended) Um...SHELDON: Stuart, please. You're being rude.Sheldon agrees to alter the paradigm of their relationship, provided nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise, so Amy was no longer characterized as "not his girlfriend."SHELDON: (painfully) Amy will you be my girlfriend?AMY: YesSHELDON: (quickly) Well, that's enough of that.Sheldon takes off to let Amy complete her date. She later comes home to find Sheldon there and wonders how he got in. (SHELDON: Really, is that the kind of nagging I should expect now that you're my girlfriend?) It turns out he arrived to have Amy sign a "relationship agreement." (31 pages in the span of 2 hours...impressive) It's an agreement between Sheldon (herin referred to as the boyfriend) and Amy (herein referred to as the girlfriend).AMY: (touched) It's romanticSHELDON: Mutual indemnification always is.Oh, in case you're wondering how Twister would work between Penny, Amy, and Bernadette would work? Well, let's just say Penny's definition of "right hand-red" involves booze. But Sheldon needs Amy to take out a splinter under Section 4: Boo-boos and Ouchies.AMY: I should have retained a lawyer.
11The Speckerman Recurrence
08 Dec 2011Description ▼
Out of the blue, Leonard receives a message through his Facebook page from Jimmy Speckerman, a high school acquaintance who bullied him all throughout school. Jimmy wants to get together with Leonard for drinks. Leonard, who has always hated Jimmy because of that torment through high school, is at a loss of what to do. Finally he decides to face his demons and agree to meet Jimmy to confront him and make him apologize for all the bad things he did. Sheldon, Howard and Raj go along for support, but will four nerds be able able to stand up to a physically big bully? Or does Jimmy have a truly admirable reason for wanting to meet? In discussing Leonard's issue, Penny and Bernadette come to the conclusion that Penny was a bully in high school. Although they all agree that Penny is a nice person now, they make Penny come to the realization that she has to do something significant to atone for her past mean acts. Has the years since high school made either Jimmy or Penny really come to an understanding of the errors of their bullying ways and/or what atonement really means?
12The Shiny Trinket Maneuver
12 Jan 2012Description ▼
Howard (Simon Helberg) is practicing magic tricks for his little cousin's birthday party, and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) and Raj (Kunal Nayyar) were kind enough to play his audience. The bad news was, so was Sheldon (Jim Parsons). Besides the fact that Howard was effectively lying to kids ("this is an ordinary box, this is an ordinary hat, your card was chosen completely at random, I don't have a set of lock keys up my keyster."), Sheldon was afraid letting kids believe in magic would lead them to believe in astrology, homeopathy, and that Ryan Reynolds was a better choice to play Green Lantern than Nathan Fillion. Howard thinks Sheldon is being cranky because he had a quarter in his ear. In fact, Sheldon had a peso stuck up his nose, and it was still there. Finally, he takes off.
HOWARD: Look at that, I made Sheldon disappear. Ta-da!
LEONARD: Next time, you should lead with that.
For Pasadena's new power couple, Shamy, it's date night at The Cheesecake Factory. The relationship agreement stipulated the second Thursday in a month (third if the month has five Thursdays) is date night. (Clearly the producers thought this would air next week.) Amy (Mayim Bialik) told Sheldon she got a paper published in Neuron Magazine, but Sheldon pretty much blew it off in favor of announcing he reached his 100th Twitter follower. Amy wanted more of a reaction from Sheldon, but he was more excited about his 101st follower. She goes to the washroom, and Penny (Kaley Cuoco) tells Sheldon he has to learn to be more excited at Amy's big accomplishment. He wasn't, since it was about biology and all those "yucky, squishy things." Penny told him he had to at least pretend to be excited since he was her boyfriend. Penny recommended he think about koalas, since those make him happy, but Sheldon thinks Amy would see right through his koala face. (yes, he demonstrates it and, yes, it's hysterical)
At Howard's, he shows Bernadette (Melissa Rauch) his huge supply of magic tricks. It was something he tried to do as a kid to impress girls, but sadly, the only wand that got any action was the one that made the bunny appear. He shows her the sequined vests they would wear to his cousin's birthday, which his mother made by cutting up one bathing suit. (and made 12 napkins with what was left) Bernadette wasn't sure she wanted to be Howard's assistant because she wasn't comfortable around kids. He thought she just needed some practice, since she would be a mom herself one day. And now Bernadette was really uncomfortable. At the birthday party, the kids aren't too impressed with The Great Howdini and demand cake. Bernadette tells the kids in no uncertain terms they weren't getting cake until they were amazed by the Great Howdini. And when one of the kids Googled a magic trick and heckled Howard about it, Bernadette went off on him.
Sheldon decided to go for a walk after having a fight with Amy, although he thought she was fighting and he was being reasonable. (Oh, and the walk was a walk through Red Dead Redemption on X-Box.) Leonard tells him that Sheldon has to listen to what's upsetting Amy and show you can grow and change. Sheldon resoundly rejects that notion, so Leonard tried for Option B: skip the emotional entanglements and buy Amy something pretty. It was a more Sheldon-like solution, so he decided to go that route.
On the drive home, Howard tried to convince Bernadette she would be good with her own child. But Bernadette had to help raise her brothers and sisters since her mother worked full-time and she got an earful from all of them. Those kids sounded strangely like Sheldon in the jewelry store as he tried to shop with Penny for a gift for Amy. He thinks they should go back at get her the humidifier they saw at Sears.
PENNY: Oh, my God. Now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.
The salesman shows them a lovely diamond bracelet, but of course, Sheldon compares it to the bags of charcoal briquettes people buy in the grocery store all the time, only the carbon atoms of the diamonds are much more neatly stacked. But it was a reasonable price, so Sheldon figured a pocket watch for him wasn't too far out of his range.
Howard laments with the guys over Bernadette not wanting kids (and I TOTALLY want that Donkey Kong version of Jenga they're playing!), and he worries that might be a deal breaker for getting married.
LEONARD: You know, there's no guarantee that even if you have kids you're going to like them.
RAJ: Wow, that's rough. Where did you get that?
LEONARD: Off the dust jacket of my mom's new book.
HOWARD: Maybe me and Bernadette aren't right for each other.
LEONARD: Look, Howard, I'd say there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I've watched you dangle your hook in the water for years. Do NOT throw her back.
Amy comes over to Penny's, thinking they would hang out together. However, Sheldon was there to apologize. Amy was mad at Penny, although she admitted it wouldn't last. Sheldon told Amy he was proud of her paper and smiled. The koala smile, and she saw right through it. Penny hands her the bag from the jewelry store.
AMY: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think another transparently manip...OH, IT'S A TIARA!! IT'S A TIARA!
Amy basically goes crazy, much like Sheldon did when he got the Leonard Nimoy napkin. Penny couldn't put it on her fast enough and Amy kissed Sheldon!
SHELDON: (to Penny) You were right. The tiara was a bit too much.
Bernadette visited Howard with a possible solution: she work and he stay at home with the kids. ("You'll watch Barney and pull Cheerios out of their noses and go on playdates, and I'll work and have conversations with people my own age and I'll enjoy my life!") Howard agrees. Sort of. Not a lot of fish, after all.
13The Recombination Hypothesis
19 Jan 2012Description ▼
After thinking about it long and hard, Leonard decides to ask Penny out on a real date again, which not only garners a shocked reaction from Penny, but the same from the rest of their mutual friends. Penny accepts Leonard's date request. While Bernadette and Amy give Penny their two cents worth of advice, Howard and Raj give Leonard theirs. After what can be described as a disastrous date, Leonard and Penny make a decision on what to do about whether or not to get back together again. Much of their decision is based on Penny's assertion that Leonard over-thinks everything. An action by Leonard shows just how much he over-thinks everything. Meanwhile, Sheldon contemplates whether or not to keep the "Zachary Quinto" life-sized cardboard cutout of Spock he received, when he really ordered the "Leonard Nimoy" Spock. And a clueless Sheldon, while playing a game with Howard and Raj, has no idea his comments are laced with sexual innuendo.
14The Beta Test Initiation
26 Jan 2012Description ▼
Leonard and Penny have decided to start dating each other again, but Penny is worried that any little glitch in their second time around will stall or halt them getting back together. As such, Leonard proposes that they follow a computer software development process model, where each party directly involved in the development process provides constructive comments on the "product" i.e their relationship, so that they collectively can fix the problems before the product goes into the next phase of external testing. Penny agrees. However, the comments that each provides in and of themselves end up being viewed hypercritically by the person being criticized, and thus may halt the process in its tracks unless the critic can delve deeper into the psyche of the criticized, which in turn may have its own unintentional consequence. Meanwhile, Raj has started "dating" Siri, the voice of his new smart phone's voice recognition system. And Sheldon, with Amy's assistance, decides to host a once a week/fifty-two week video podcast on the fun of vexillology.
15The Friendship Contraction
02 Feb 2012Description ▼
As Leonard is feeling sleep deprived because of Sheldon, Leonard is in no mood to have to drive Sheldon to the dentist's office as per the roommate agreement. As such, Leonard willingly invokes what Sheldon tells him is clause 209 in the agreement, namely that the agreement be dissolved, that they no longer be friends, and that their only formal responsibilities to each other be payment of rent, payment of utilities and the perfunctory "'sup" as they pass each other in the hallway. Sheldon is equally as willing. However, Sheldon may change his mind when no one in his social circle, even Amy, seems willing to take on the duties that used to be performed by Leonard. Sheldon tries to show Leonard that he needs him as a friend, while Leonard really doesn't mind doing these little favors for Sheldon but wants them not to be a mandatory part of their relationship. Meanwhile, Raj has noticed that all Howard's astronaut colleagues have cool nicknames, while Howard doesn't. As Howard states that the nicknames are provided by the other astronauts, Raj comes up with a plan to get Howard's nickname to be what he wants it to be, namely "Rocket Man".
16The Vacation Solution
09 Feb 2012Description ▼
Much to Sheldon's chagrin, President Siebert orders him to take his mandatory vacation time immediately. Sheldon does whatever he can to pretend to take his vacation but still go to work. Since that doesn't work, he decides to do what he considers the next best thing: invade someone else's laboratory, namely Amy's. Amy welcomes him, but will Sheldon, who believes he's superior to everyone else regardless of the field of endeavor, be able to take a subservient role in his girlfriend's laboratory work? Meanwhile, Bernadette is worried that Howard won't take the news well that her father wants him to sign a prenuptial agreement since she makes more money than he does.
17The Rothman Disintegration
16 Feb 2012Description ▼
With Professor Rothman's retirement - or what could be considered him being forced out due to mental instability - there is a battle in the physics department between Sheldon and Barry Kripke for his lucrative office space. Each feels entitled to the office, Sheldon because he has a longer tenure and is smarter, Kripke because he said dibs and was actually in the office first. Their department head will not deal with the matter and President Siebert wants them to figure it out themselves, he who doesn't really care who gets it. So Leonard, Howard and Raj try to determine a fair "duel" to see who should get the office, the activity not one that they are equally adept at, but rather one that they are equally bad at. Meanwhile, Amy gives her bestie Penny a gift to show her how much she appreciates Penny in her life. Unfortunately for Penny, she hates it and doesn't know what to do with it, especially due to its large size and Amy noticing if it went missing.
18The Werewolf Transformation
23 Feb 2012Description ▼
Sheldon's orderly world is thrown into a tailspin when his regular barber, Mr. D'Onofrio, is in the hospital with a coma when Sheldon's regularly scheduled appointment arrives. He won't let anyone else in the area cut his hair since he believes Mr. D'Onofrio is the only one who can since he has all Sheldon's haircut records from Texas (or so Sheldon's mother told him). Even after his regularly scheduled haircut appointment is one day overdue, Sheldon can't stand it as he can hear his hair growing out of control. If Sheldon can't get Mr. D'Onofrio out of his coma, he will either have to let someone else cut his hair, or live with longer than usual hair. But what's worse, Sheldon believes that total anarchy will ensue since world order is based on his own personal order. The result of not getting is haircut makes Sheldon reevaluate his life plan. Meanwhile, Howard is scheduled to begin his astronaut training. Howard finds that the anticipation of the excitement of the training is nowhere close to the reality of training itself.
19The Weekend Vortex
08 Mar 2012Description ▼
Raj comes up with the idea of going down memory lane by the guys having a weekend long gaming marathon like they used to do, this time playing the new game, Star Wars: The Old Republic (2011) (VG). Despite Howard, Leonard and Sheldon being in relationships, they all agree. However, the three respective females in their lives may have some say about what happens on the weekend. Leonard hopes that Penny will care and have something to say about not spending the weekend with him, which means that their relationship is progressing back into true boyfriend/girlfriend status. Howard may not be able to choose between spending the weekend gaming or spending it with Bernadette. But Sheldon, who previously agreed to go to Amy's aunt's 93rd birthday celebration, has quite an easy decision between spending the weekend with the guys or with Amy and her aunt: he chooses the guys. A hurt Amy has to decide what to do in light of Sheldon's obvious disregard for her feelings. But someone other than Amy may be even more hurt by how the weekend progresses.
20The Transporter Malfunction
29 Mar 2012Description ▼
To show her appreciation for all the free meals she's had at their apartment, Penny, using money from an acting residual check, gives Leonard and Sheldon each a gift: a vintage, mint, in-the-box, 1975 Mego "Star Trek" (1966) Transporter, with real transporter action - apiece. They both love their gift. It has additional special meaning for Leonard since it was given to him from Penny with love. And it has additional special meaning for Sheldon since his Leonard Nimoy Spock miniature action figure would fit in the toy. However, Penny is dismayed to learn that neither Leonard or Sheldon plan on opening their respective gift to play with it since doing so would diminish its value. Later, Sheldon, hearing the voice of his Spock miniature action figure in his dreams telling him to do so, decides to open his gift to play with it. The result makes him contemplate secretly switching his now useless toy with Leonard's mint condition, still-in-the-box toy. Meanwhile, on the question of whether he will bring a date to Howard and Bernadette's wedding, a girlfriendless Raj makes a drastic decision: he will allow his parents to arrange a marriage for him. Although he really likes Lakshmi, his parent's choice of a wife for him, after their initial first few dates and thinks she may indeed be the one, an admission on her part makes Raj have to decide if marriage at any cost is worth it.
21The Hawking Excitation
05 Apr 2012Description ▼
Howard (Simon Helberg) got an important email, and not an ad for penile enlargement like Raj (Kunal Nayyar) thought. Dr. Stephen Hawking was coming to lecture at the university and needed Howard to maintain the equipment on his specialized wheelchair. ("It's like you'll be his pit crew!") Everybody's pretty excited, although Howard may want to not do his Stephen Hawking imitation in front of him. Sheldon (Jim Parsons) would certainly be psyched, and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) would agree a Stephen Hawking restraining order would look good next to the ones Sheldon has from Leonard Nimoy, Carl Sagan (which I assumed has expired), and Stan Lee. Sheldon joined the guys with some inspiration to revolutionize humanity's understanding of the Higgs bosun particle, which Howard doesn't need to pay attention to because he wouldn't understand it.
RAJ: Are you still going to tell him about you-know-who?
LEONARD: Are you going to introduce him?
HOWARD: Not on your life.
And as Sheldon begs and pleads for Howard to introduce him to Stephen Hawking, we can understand Howard's reluctance, such as Sheldon saying he could go to Jewish heaven ("We don't have a Jewish heaven.") or avoid Jewish hell ("Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell."). Sheldon saying he's the only human being with an intellectual capacity on the level of Hawking's doesn't work so well either. BTW, Sheldon has only begged three times in his life, according to Raj. Once to Fox to not cancel Firefly, once to TNT to cancel Babylon 5, and once to a deity he didn't believe in to end his life when he got food poisoning at the Rose Bowl Parade. Still, Howard told him no in Russian, Chinese, Japanese, even Klingon. But Sheldon doesn't want Howard to do it for him: he needs to do it for Hawking. ("Let me try gangsta: HELLS NAW!") Finally, a compromise. Sheldon asks him to give Hawking his paper on the Higgs bosun particle and Hawking will contact him...because he's smart. Howard discusses it privately with the guys, mainly to discuss how much Sheldon needs to be punished. Finally, Howard agrees. Well...
HOWARD: Sheldon, are you famililar with the 12 Labors of Hercules? You should be so lucky.
First task, polish all of Howard's belt buckles. An entire tub of them. Oh, and the water marks on some of them...not exactly water. But Howard does give him a black light to check on them. ("You may not want to shine that around the rest of the room.")
Next task, wear the French Maid outfit Howard originally bought for Bernadette but wouldn't wear it. (or dust his room in it) But Sheldon proudly wore it at the university. (SHELDON: What are you all staring at? You never saw a man trying to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?)
As Sheldon does Howard's laundry...including some leopard-print underwear...Penny (Kaley Cuoco) agrees with Howard that Sheldon is a condescending jerk. Sheldon even gets a little twinkle in his eye when he corrects people or puts them down. ("That's an involuntary twinkle.") Bernadette (Melissa Rauch), on the other hand, does think Howard is being mean. He defends his actions, but she tells him he knows he's being mean to Sheldon while "the part of Sheldon's brain that should know he's being mean is getting a wedgie from the rest of Sheldon's brain." Bernadette wants Howard to stop making Sheldon do humiliating things...right after Sheldon takes Howard's mother dress shopping instead of her.
MRS. WOLOWITZ: SHELDON, I NEED YOUR HELP!! IT'S THIS DRESS. WHEN I PUT MY FRONT IN, MY BACK POPS OUT!! WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK AS A TEAM! GET IN HERE, GRAB A HANDFUL AND START STUFFING!
Sheldon finally comes home, although Howard should have sent his mother and him to that car covering place in Altadena, since they have her pattern on file. Sheldon just has to do one final thing: pay Howard a compliment, as Howard was tired of Sheldon ripping on his job.
SHELDON: I have never said you that you are not good at what you do. It's just what you do is not worth doing.
LEONARD: It's nicer than anything he's said to me. I'd take it and run.
And Sheldon demands Howard give Hawking his paper. Which Howard did three days prior and Hawking wants to meet Sheldon. He was impressed with Sheldon's work. Sheldon's happy about that. It turns out Dr. Hawking liked Sheldon's paper and thought his theory on a bosun being in the center of a black hole accelerating backwards through time was fascinating. Except it's wrong. There was a math error on page 2. (HAWKING: It was quite the boner.) And Sheldon faints. (HAWKING: Oh, great. Another fainter.)
22The Stag Convergence
26 Apr 2012Description ▼
It's two weeks before Howard and Bernadette's wedding. While the gals have a gift bag packing evening while talking about Bernadette's chosen married name and some other unmentionables mentioned by Amy, the guys are out for what Howard assumes will be a subdued stag party since he has promised Bernadette that there will be no strippers at the event. It does end up being subdued as most bachelor parties go, but some information that comes to light at the stag threatens the wedding as well as Bernadette's friendship with Penny. Penny and Howard do whatever they can to right whatever wrongs came to light.
23The Launch Acceleration
03 May 2012Description ▼
With only a few weeks until the launch, Howard's space mission is scrapped due to technical difficulties. Rather than be disappointed, Howard is relieved, since he had always been scared of dying in space, something that he doesn't mention to anyone. However, NASA decides they do want him to go after all, instead sending him on an earlier mission... one that is scheduled to launch two days before his and Bernadette's wedding. He is hoping that Bernadette or Bernadette's tough as nails father will demand that he not go. Meanwhile, Penny decides that she wants to speed things up with Leonard, which Leonard is more than happy to do. But Leonard accidentally speeds things up just a little too much. And Amy does some speeding up of her own regarding her and Sheldon's relationship, regardless of if Sheldon likes it or not.
24The Countdown Reflection
10 May 2012Description ▼
As Howard is in the Soyuz space capsule awaiting the launch to the International Space Station, his new wife and their friends are at Leonard and Sheldon's apartment watching the launch on the NASA channel. Howard, still scared about dying most specifically now by a botched launch, reminisces about the lead up to what was his and Bernadette's wedding. Bernadette was the one who decided that they should get married before the launch in a small but special ceremony, with only their immediate family and closest friends in attendance. The ceremony was threatened by the fact that their first and at that time only option of a civil ceremony at city hall couldn't happen due to a backlog. But Raj came up with what they all believed was an even better second option on launch day if they could pull it off. The personal issues of each within the wedding party had the potential of overshadowing what should have been Howard and Bernadette's most important day. That important day may also be shattered if Soyuz itself shatters upon launch.
1The Date Night Variable
27 Sep 2012Description ▼
On the occasion of the second anniversary of their first date Sheldon and Amy celebrate, however a lonely Raj is invited by Sheldon to join them. Amy is quite upset by Sheldon's actions. She also demands to know what is in his heart and gets a romantic soliloquy by Sheldon from the first Spider-man movie which she reluctantly accepts. Leonard and Penny are hanging out together where Leonard has set up the apartment with things Penny likes including snacks, beer and watching a football game. He even paints his chest with "Go Sports". Leonard tries to get her to discuss their relationship seriously, but she has had a rough day and just wants to hang. They are interrupted by Raj, who decided to leave Sheldon and Amy alone on their date. Raj tells them how great their relationship is until he learns that she has never told Leonard that she loves him. After Raj tries to get Penny to admit it, he gets kicked out of the apartment. Wandering over to the comic book store, Raj and Stuart strike up a friendship and agree to go out to see a movie. Howard video chats with Bernadette who is mad at him for not telling his mother that they are moving out. He buckles under to his mother and then tells Bernadette that everything worked out, thus lying to both of the women in his life. He may decide to stay in space.
2The Decoupling Fluctuation
04 Oct 2012Description ▼
While Penny, Bernadette and Amy talk about their respective relationships, Penny implies that she isn't sure what her feelings are for Leonard. She thinks she loves Leonard, but she has been in love before, and her feelings for Leonard no where match that experience. From those statements, Bernadette and Amy infer that Penny may be contemplating breaking up with Leonard. This information gets back to Sheldon, who now has a vested interest in seeing that Leonard and Penny stay together. Sheldon does whatever he can to tell Leonard without telling him directly, which may be a bit confusing for Leonard, while Penny contemplates what she should do without hurting Leonard. Meanwhile, Stuart becomes the official unofficial "Howard" in the group during Howard's absence. And Howard feels like he's being picked on by the other astronauts.
3The Higgs Boson Observation
11 Oct 2012Description ▼
Sheldon needs someone to read through the works he did during his elementary school days, to find out if he has made a scientific breakthrough that was Nobel Prize worthy, since he thinks his time is too important to do the task himself. He eventually hires an attractive Physics grad student named Alex Jensen. When Alex answers Amy's video call to Sheldon, Amy gets shocked to learn that Alex is a girl. Amy and Penny go to Caltech to spy on them. In the cafeteria, it turns out that Alex is flirting with Leonard, much to Amy's relief and Penny's surprise. Penny has to consider that Leonard is attractive to other women. Meanwhile, Howard tells Bernadette that he have a layover in space of an additional 7 - 10 days. He is sick of his time in space and is having bad anxiety attacks that is causing erratic behavior.
4The Re-Entry Minimization
18 Oct 2012Description ▼
A relieved Howard makes it back to terra firma in one piece after his stint in space. He is expecting a hero's welcome, at least from his family and friends, but at the airport there is only Bernadette waiting for him, with another "Howie" stealing the spotlight. She tells him that she asked their friends to allow her to have him all to herself for the first night, hence their absence. That night doesn't go quite according to Bernadette's plan or Howard's wants, he who ends up going from his mother's house to his friends' places all in the search for that hero's welcome. Meanwhile, it's boys against the girls in games night, with Leonard and Sheldon on one side and Penny and Amy on the other. Sheldon needs to show his superiority in any game, but that superior attitude may end up being counterproductive.
5The Holographic Excitation
25 Oct 2012Description ▼
Stuart is holding his ninth annual Halloween party - this year organized by Raj - which he has used as a venue to try and pick up girls. The party will act as the latest testing ground for the status of both Leonard and Penny, and Sheldon and Amy's relationships. Amy and Bernadette feel Penny doesn't give enough in the give and take of a relationship, and so she decides to give in to going to the party which she really doesn't want to attend. But what may be the more difficult give for Penny is trying to understand what Leonard does for a living without him realizing that she has no clue whatsoever what he does. Penny may find that giving has its benefits. Amy is still looking for signs of Sheldon being a real boyfriend, which means matching costumes for the party. What the theme of their costumes will be may be a point of contention. Meanwhile, Howard turns every conversation into discussion about his time in space, which is annoying his friends, including Bernadette.
6The Extract Obliteration
01 Nov 2012Description ▼
Penny is taking a history class at Pasadena Community College, but she doesn't want to tell anyone, especially Leonard who she feels will make too big a deal out of it. Indeed, when she does eventually tell him, Leonard reacts exactly the way she expected him to, which isn't what she wants. So when he asks to read her first essay, she refuses to let him, believing that he will be supportively critical. So, behind her back, Leonard does end up reading her paper before she is ready to submit it. The problem becomes how can he tell her that he thinks her paper is terrible without letting her know that he read it behind her back, but at the same time help her so that she doesn't fail the class. Meanwhile, Dr. Stephen Hawking has accepted Sheldon's invitation to play a game of "Words with Friends" online. By the sheer name of the game, Sheldon believes they really are friends. So when Hawking suddenly stops playing in the middle of the game while being far behind, Sheldon believes he has lost the friendship of the only man he believes smarter than himself. Sheldon learns from Howard that Hawking doesn't like to lose. If Hawking does reemerge into the game, Sheldon has to decide if he should lose on purpose to regain Hawking's friendship.
7The Habitation Configuration
Sheldon decides to tape a special "Fun With Flags" episode about Star Trek flags, and invites his friend, Wil Wheaton to be a guest star. During the taping Amy, who is in directing the show, keeps correcting Wil's acting. Both Amy and Wil take a dislike to each other and Sheldon is caught in the middle between friend and girlfriend. Amy tells Sheldon that he should stick up for his girlfriend and she leaves. Naive Sheldon takes her departure as her solution to the problem. Later Leonard suggests that Amy was mad at him and that he should call her. Sheldon calls Amy in jest; however, she confirms that she is mad. Sheldon is amazed that Amy was mad and that Leonard was right. First Sheldon tries to gives her a Star Trek DVD set so she can become more familiar with Wil. Then after some advice from Penny and a few Long Island ice teas, he goes over to Wil Wheaton's house and demands an apology or Sheldon will be beat him up. Wil does apologize. His final solution is to do the episode with LeVar Burton who Amy also keeps correcting. Bernadette tells Howard that she is tired of sleeping at his mother's house and asks when will he be fully moving into their apartment. Howard sets a date. After moving his things in, he tells Bernadette how sad his mother was after his father left and he would cheer him up with his magic tricks. Bernadette then makes them go back to spend the night since she won't have her husband break his mother's heart. Ever since Howard has returned from space, most of his belongings are still at his mother's house and half the time he and Bernadette sleep there. Bernadette thinks it's time Howard cut the apron strings and officially move out of his mother's house and move into her apartment. Howard doesn't even seem to think he lives at his mother's house, but states that he will move regardless, which no one, including Bernadette, believes until she and they see it. But will anything make either Howard or Bernadette change their minds about their confused living arrangement? Meanwhile, Sheldon, on his latest webcast of "Fun with Flags", has as his guest Wil Wheaton. Director and cinematographer Amy directs Wil into a state of anger, which results in him insulting Amy. Sheldon sides with Wil. With a little advice from Penny and some ice tea from Long Island, Sheldon has to figure out how to make it up to Amy using his own alcohol induced sensibilities.
8The 43 Peculiarity
Howard has noticed that Sheldon disappears for exactly twenty minutes every afternoon at exactly the same time without telling anyone where he's going or what he's doing. The twenty minutes is listed as free in his calendar. And when Howard and Raj ask him indirectly about that twenty minutes, he evades the question. So Howard and Raj go on a single minded mission to find out where he's going and what he's doing that is so secretive. They try to piece together the evidence they find, but will it lead them to an answer? Leonard isn't joining them in this quest since he's got his own mission. Penny has befriended Cole, a British exchange student in her History class who Leonard is certain is trying to hit on her. Although trusting her somewhat, jealous Leonard does whatever he can to stop Cole indirectly from being her friend (which he equates to hitting on her) so that Penny won't even be tempted. But Leonard himself may be tempted from who to him is an unlikely source.
9The Parking Spot Escalation
Howard finally replaces his scooter with a car and is assigned a parking spot at Caltech. Unfortunately it's "Sheldon's spot" even though he doesn't own a car or drive. A war escalates between Howard and Sheldon that also affects the friendship of Amy and Bernadette. Howard has just bought a new car. As Sheldon doesn't use his assigned parking spot since he doesn't know how to drive or therefore own a car, the university unilaterally decides to reassign Sheldon's parking spot to Howard. Sheldon sees this decision as an affront to his rights, regardless of if he owns a car or not. Sheldon demands his spot back, which Howard or the university won't give back. This feud leads to a contest of oneupmanship between Sheldon and Howard on taking something of the other that they aren't using. The feud ultimately extends to Amy and Bernadette, each who stands by her man. The parking spot uncovers some deeper issues. Ultimately, Penny is the one caught in the middle. Meanwhile, Raj tries to convince Leonard and Sheldon that zombies are the same as mummies.
10The Fish Guts Displacement
06 Dec 2012Description ▼
11"The Big Bang Theory: The Santa Simulation (#6.11)"
13 Dec 2012Description ▼
Saturday night is Dungeons & Dragons night, much to the delight of the guys and the chagrin of the girls. Actually, Amy (
12The Egg Salad Equivalency
03 Jan 2013Description ▼
Things are back to semi-normal at the university. Relative to the guys, anyway. Alex still has a crush on Leonard and actually decided to do something about it. She comes to the apartment, inviting him to a lecture and dinner, and you couldn't get the smile off of Leonard's face with a sledgehammer. (BTW, that lifesize Jenga game looks so cool.) While Raj laments the fact that there are no cereal mascots that are female, Sheldon finds out his assistant was hitting on Leonard. Never mind the fact Leonard liked it; she was supposed to devote all of her time to him and not get these "female urges". (this comes up later, trust me) Not knowing what to do, Sheldon gathers Penny, Amy, and Bernadette for tea and counseling. He even made up t-shirts for them:
13The Bakersfield Expedition
10 Jan 2013Description ▼
Sheldon is being a bit selfish about letting Leonard borrow the clothing steamer, mainly because Leonard once told him they didn't need one and didn't want to invest in it. While Sheldon steamed his, Penny dropped off some makeup sponges for Leonard. (PENNY: You've got more makeup than I do. You've got BETTER makeup than I do.) But Leonard wouldn't share, which Sheldon applauded because he got pinkeye from borrowing his sister's once for a costume contest...which still got him 2nd place for his zombie costume. This Comic Con was in Bakersfield. Even though the guys attended the big one in San Diego, Leonard liked the one in Bakersfield because it was more like Comic Con before it went all Hollywood., a sentiment Sheldon did not share one bit. But they were still going because, "like pizza and particle accelerators, even the stinky ones are still pretty good." And they were off, just as soon as Leonard took a picture of him kissing Penny while she held today's newspaper. (LEONARD: To show people when they don't believe me.) While the boys headed for Bakersfield, Penny, Amy, and Bernadette enjoyed brunch, because booze with breakfast on a Tuesday is a problem, but on the weekend it's brunch! Penny even LOL'ed Leonard's text message of them heading to Bakersfield at warp speed. (Must have been the mimosa talking.) All three of them talked about how excited their boyfriends were to be going. Howard sewed his costume himself, having learned how to sew by letting his mother's pants out every few weeks. They wondered how the guys could be so excited about something designed for 12-year-olds. (BERNADETTE: I think Howard's in touch with his inner child, but when he wears his Bat-Man pajamas to bed, it feels like I'm touching his inner child.) Amy did conclude since all of them were bullied as kids, playing with make-believe heroes was a sort of wish fulfillment. Bernadette thinks they should go to the comic book store and purchase a few comics to see what the guys love about them. PENNY: That is an AMAZING idea! (looks at her mimosa) Wait, how many of these have I had? Not as many as Leonard needed when he found out Sheldon hacked into the GPS on his car and substituted his voice for the turn-by-turn directions. Although it did provide some interesting trivia about interstates in the U.S. (HOWARD: Leonard, there's a bridge. Please drive off of it.) But all was not lost, as they were about to reach Vasquez Rocks, where many episodes were filmed. The guys decided to pull over and don their TNG gear for a cool photo shoot. (FYI, Sheldon, I knew Eisenhower was the President who signed the Interstate Highway System law; there's signs on them everywhere.) The ladies make it to the comic book store, but Bernadette was scared that all the guys were staring. Amy soaked in all the attention. Stuart told the guys to stop; the ladies weren't anything they hadn't already seen in movies or in drawings. Penny tells him they were interested in comics to see what the guys love about them. STUART: Cool, what do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga,...(turns to the guys) I SWEAR I will turn the hose on you! Bernadette suggested the same comics the guys like: superhero comics. Amy asked who the best superhero is, but that could start a riot. Stuart suggested categories like clean-cut heroes, brooding, dark anti-heroes like The Punisher. (Amy LOVED that suggestion.) But Stuart settled on handing them
14The Cooper/Kripke Inversion
31 Jan 2013Description ▼
Sheldon is forced to work with Kripke and ends up spreading in rumors about his and Amy's fictitious sex life. Meanwhile Howard's nerdy hobby brings him into money troubles.
15The Spoiler Alert Segmentation
07 Feb 2013Description ▼
Leonard has never read any of the Harry Potter books or seen the movies? REALLY?!?!? Sheldon had no problem telling him Dumbledore dies in the sixth book, and Leonard gets ticked off for spoiling it for him, saying Sheldon would complain for weeks on end if he did that to him. (true) But Sheldon writes it off to another of Leonard's "hissy fits," which he claims are brought on by Leonard drinking soy milk instead of regular milk and thus having extra levels of estrogen in him. (SHELDON: I think your morning Co-Co Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.) Leonard can't believe how annoying Sheldon is. SHELDON: I'M annoying? You criticize my behavior all the time! 'Sheldon, don't talk about your bowel movements over breakfast.' 'Sheldon, when the president of the university is giving a eulogy at a funeral, don't yawn and point at your watch.' 'Sheldon, don't throw away my shirts because you think they're ugly.' You're impossible. Enough was enough (other than Sheldon pointing out Leonard had to put up with this because he had a signature on a document saying he did), and Leonard took his Roommate Agreement and threw it into the trash. He was moving out and had the perfect place to go: Penny's. Which was quite a surprise to Penny after his long rant about how insufferable Sheldon is. PENNY: But you two make such a cute couple. Like Bert and Ernie. You even teach me about numbers and words and stuff. She tried to come up with a reason that wouldn't hurt Leonard's feelings. Such as feeling bad for Sheldon and wondering how he'll get along. Leonard pointed out Sheldon had Amy now, not to mention Penny would never have another rent problem. Penny kept trying to come up with something...and somehow spoiled more of Harry Potter for Leonard. Leonard even wondered if Penny wasn't ready for it, although he didn't recognize it was a big step for her. But Penny caved. LEONARD: Great! Oh, could you clear a shelf in the bathroom because I take a LOT of medicine! PENNY: (to herself) I hope some of it is Xanax. Raj came over to Howard's place to loan him a suitcase...that he borrowed from Howard two years ago...because Howard and Bernadette were heading to Las Vegas. This was Bernadette's bonus for rebranding a dandruff shampoo that caused horrible anal leakage (RAJ: Is there a 'good' anal leakage?) as a laxative. But Howard knew a way for Raj to pay him back. Since his mother's dentist dumped her, Howard needed someone to take care of her while he was gone. Raj was hesitant because he had a whole Saturday night planned. HOWARD: See if this sounds familiar. You pay $15 to park, you stand on the sidewalk for an hour before you break down and give the bouncer $20 to let you in. You push your way to the bar where you drink an $18 cosmopolitan while you stare at a pretty girl and imagine your perfect life together, your children, your grandchildren. Meanwhile, she leaves with a guy who claims he wrote. Then you give up on anybody loving you, go to Marie Callender's and buy a pie that you eat in your car right in the parking lot. RAJ: What time should I be here? Say what you want about the Wolowitz residence, but you always eat well there, as Raj discovered after enjoying Mrs. Wolowitz's brisket. Which stayed down despite hearing about all of the things Mrs. Wolowitz had removed over the years. (RAJ: I didn't know you could have a cyst inside another cyst.) He's ready to go home, but she wants to make him cheesecake. But he inists on going, and she starts crying. (Raj's first mistake.) She says it's OK, she only cries when she's lonely and has nothing to live for. Yup, Raj fell for it. As Sheldon and Amy inventoried the memorabilia in the apartment (or children's toys, as Amy called them), Sheldon admitted he would have to find and cultivate a new roommate. You can pretty much see the light bulb over Amy's head (and her voice approaching Bernadette's octave). Amy thought he needed a roommate who was a scientist and already comfortable with Sheldon's ways. SHELDON: If that person existed, I would sign on. No further questions asked. AMY: Great! Here I am! And you can actually hear the brakes squealing inside of Sheldon's head. But Amy was ahead of him, saying she wasn't a stranger, they were intellectually compatible, and "your quirks that others find annoying or rage-inducing, I find cute as a button!" She wanted to know one reason why this wasn't a great idea, and Sheldon didn't have one. (AMY: I'm going to go see if Leonard's room is big enough for my waterbed!) Of course, now Leonard was his "good buddy," and went right over to tell him Amy made him realize this "little dust-up" is much ado about nothing, and all is forgiven. But Leonard saw right through his offer of a soy-milk hot chocolate and the new "devil may care" bathroom policy. Which he explains to Penny; Sheldon suddenly wants Leonard back because Amy wants to move in with him. However, Leonard was quite confident Penny and he were happy living together. (PENNY: It's like the happiness won't leave the apartment.) Sheldon was desperate because Amy laid out a set of logical arguments he couldn't refute. (PENNY: That is the worst, isn't it?) Leonard would not budge. (LEONARD: And spoiler alert! This door is about to slam in your face!) Sheldon was left with the positively giddy Amy wondering when she'd get a key to their apartment. Howard and Bernadette called Raj from Las Vegas. They were still a little sore from the previous night. BERNADETTE: Those Chinese acrobats in Cirque du Soliel make it look so easy! HOWARD: Honestly, if I could bend that far, why would I need with you? BERNADETTE: If you could bend that far, you'd be doing both of us a favor. They were surprised Raj stayed the night at Howard's house, but Raj felt guilty about leaving her alone, so he stayed through cheesecake, an episode of, and some cream sherry, and the next thing you know, she put Raj in Howard's bed...and Howard's pajamas on him. (hysterical visual, BTW) Howard warned him to get out because she would use food and guilt to keep him there for the rest of his life! HOWARD: You're not Jewish! That's how they get you! RAJ: But I have a cream sherry hangover and I smell blintzes. Howard asked him where his clothes were, and Raj said right on the chair...where they weren't. Sure enough, Raj got trapped. His clothes spent the entire day in the laundry and his keys were gone. Well, technically Mrs. Wolowitz started jingling when she walked, so he had some idea where they were. And now, he had to run. Mrs. Wolowitz made him a bath. RAJ: Oh, my God. She's not going to bathe me, is she? HOWARD: (creeped out) Gee, I wish I could tell you no. Sheldon spots the "homewrecker" in the hallway and gives her both barrels for giving Leonard someplace to go and allowing Amy to buy His & Hers bath towels. (SHELDON: I can never dry myself with something that has a possessive pronoun on it.) Penny admitted she loved Leonard but it was too fast to go to the move-in stage. (SHELDON: Tell him the truth, break his little heart. Everybody wins.) Of course, Sheldon could tell Amy the truth before he finds leg stubble in his shower. (PENNY: I've seen those legs; you might want to get yourself some Dran-O.) Penny doesn't want to tell Leonard the truth, either, but both figured they had to face the music. SHELDON: I suppose there's no choice but to face the crying, the angry accusations, and the high-pitched wails of despair. PENNY: Yeah, and who knows how Amy will act. Sheldon goes to confront Amy. And despite getting Sheldon's Chinese food order perfectly, Sheldon was forced to admit the truth. Penny didn't want Leonard to move in with her and there was nothing he could do about it. Amy turns her anger from Sheldon (AMY: I have been going out with you for two years! I watched your dopey space movies, I signed all of your stupid contracts, I even stopped wearing lip gloss because you said it made my mouth too slippery!) to Penny. She got mad at Penny because she heard she didn't want to move in with Leonard. Yes, Leonard overheard that, but Penny said he moved in with her without even asking if she was ready for it. And Then she turned on Sheldon, saying why doesn't he tell Amy the truth about why he doesn't want her to move in with him. (It's all very.) AMY: (mad as hell) You're a coward! SHELDON: Well, the...evidence does support that. Penny takes Amy to go drink lots of wine and talk about what jerks their boyfriends were being. AMY: We'll show them! I should move in here with you! And while Penny dealt with that, Sheldon invited Leonard to watch. After covering up another spoiler. As for Raj, he was attacked by the ! AKA, Howard's mother!
16The Tangible Affection Proof
14 Feb 2013Description ▼
Penny had a very full day at work. She saved an old man from choking to death! She yelled out the guy was choking, and one of the busboys performed the Heimlich on him, so she's a hero! Meantime, Leonard wanted to know what she wanted to do for Valentine's Day. She thought they could do something, but Leonard wanted her to be more enthusiastic. She didn't want the pressure of planning something, so Leonard offered to be her Romance Ninja. LEONARD: You don't see it coming, then it's BAM! ROMANCE! WATCH OUT! HEARTS! KISSES! LOVE! WHOO-YAH! (makes a karate chop) PENNY: You know, sometimes I think I've made you so much cooler than you used to be, then you go and do that. Speaking of romance, do you agree the painful passing of a meal with spicy chiles is proof the rectum possesses the sense of taste? Sheldon thinks so, but it still didn't get him out of planning something with Amy for Valentine's Day. While Howard tried to placate the overworked Bernadette with a series of OK's on the phone on things he should be doing while she was at the office...and he was swamped playing Assassin's Creed...Raj decided that he wasn't going to get all hung up on finding someone for Valentine's Day and suggested Stuart have a party at the comic book store for all the people who don't have dates. RAJ: The theme can be "the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself." STUART: Or maybe something that's less hands-in-pants. But since Stuart planned to hide all the sharp objects in his apartment and white-knuckle it 'til morning, a party sounded good. Sheldon had the perfect solution to his Valentine's problem with Amy: send Alex to get her something. Never mind the fact Alex gave up a job at FermiLab to work for Sheldon. (SHELDON: I guess those chaps will have to have someone else buy their girlfriends gifts.) Alex was really hoping to contribute to Sheldon's scientific work, but at least she can count the money Sheldon gave her to get Amy's gift. She leaves in none-too-good of a mood. SHELDON: (scoffs) 'Contribute to my work'. Kids say the darndest things. Although to Alex's credit, she does a great job with the project. Since Amy liked harps, she found a miniature harp music box that played Amy's favorite song. (SHELDON: But Amy already has a real harp, and it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here?) Since Amy also liked, she found a frame-able map of the places visited in the story. (SHELDON: But she's got Google Maps on her phone.) Finally, she found a hand-drawn painting of a brain cell signed by Santiago Ramon y Cajal, the father of Neuroscience. Sheldon was very impressed. So impressed, he kept it for himself. Having lost the gift he originally got for Bernadette, their initials carved on a heart 1/1000 the size of a grain of sand ("A micro-Valentines for my microbiologist"), Howard begged to join Leonard and Penny on their restaurant night. Penny approves of the Romance Ninja's choice of restaurant. Howard and Bernadette arguing, not so much. Howard wants to downplay it, but Bernadette had asked him to do some laundry and clean the apartment while she worked late hours and all he did was play on his X-Box, so she hid it from him. (HOWARD: She hid my X-Box like a child. And my mom got that for me for my birthday, so if you don't give it back, I'm telling.) Bernadette was upset Howard couldn't even do one load of laundry, but Howard insisted he was sorry. BERNADETTE: Sorry doesn't clean my underpants, buddy! HOWARD: I told you, turn them inside out. BERNADETTE: And I told you, bite me! Yes, it gets worse. One of Penny's ex-boyfriends walks in...accompanied by the woman he cheated on Penny with. She tries to ignore it, and then he gets down on one knee and proposes to her, which she tearfully accepts. Penny is understandably crushed. LEONARD: Well, two can play this game. Penny... (starts to get down on one knee) PENNY: GET UP! Despite his clinical depression, Stuart was really looking forward to the party at the comic book store. As is Raj. It was too bad Stuart wasn't a woman because of their problems would be solved. They could date, read comic books, go to movies. (RAJ: Then I'd take you home, slip off your little black dress, and pile drive you into oblivion.) Penny isn't liking her evening any better, and Leonard started suffering from foot-in-mouth disease. (LEONARD: He was with the wrong person, and now he's with the right person.) Naturally, that set Penny off. Leonard tried to convince her to forget about them and enjoy their dinner. And Penny was fine...for about five seconds until her ex and his new fiance drank out of each other's glasses, something Penny taught him. Leonard thought she was going to let it go. PENNY: It's not fair, OK? They're bad people. It's not supposed to end happy for them, it's supposed to end happy for me. LEONARD: (quite offended) Um, it did end happy for you. You're here with me. PENNY: (dismissive) Yeah, yeah, I know. LEONARD: You know, this is getting a little hard not to take this personally. PENNY: Oh, stop making this about you. LEONARD: Oh, I can tell this is clearly about you. PENNY: Whatever, OK? I told you Valentine's Day sucks. LEONARD: This one does, and you're the reason why. If there's a silver lining to this, Bernadette and Howard found their argument quite petty by comparison. They decide to blow off dinner and Howard would go straight home to do the laundry. And Bernadette told him his X-Box was in the last place he'd look: the washing machine. Amy shows up for her Valentine's date with Sheldon, and he was prepared to pretend he was enjoying himself. (he even practiced his facial expression for it) But Amy decided she wanted to be a good girlfriend and not put any pressure on Sheldon to do something grand tonight, so she canceled their reservations and they would have pizza at his place while they watched one of his "Star War/Trek things." Sheldon was moved by Amy's generosity. (SHELDON: This is the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given me. And that includes the awesome gift I gave myself today.) And despite Amy saying he didn't have to get her a gift, he handed her one. AMY: (reading it) "Sheldon Cooper, CalTech University, Employee Information?" SHELDON: Read the bottom. AMY: "In case of emergency, please contact..." (gasps) Amy Farrah Fowler. And there's my phone number! (tearing up) This is the most beautiful gift you could have ever given me. SHELDON: Well, I figured if I ever had a stroke or a kidney stone, who would I like to share that with? Amy is overwhelmed and hugs Sheldon. SHELDON: OK. (won't let go) Stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza. (still won't let go) Penny and Leonard go into their respective apartments, but Leonard decided he wasn't done yet. LEONARD: (mad as hell) You know what? That was pretty crappy of you! All I wanted to do is give you a great night and all you wanted to do was destroy it! PENNY: Yeah, I know. I'm a total bitch. LEONARD: I'm not saying that. PENNY: Well I am! LEONARD: OK, you win. You're a bitch. Penny admitted that things were going very well between them, she was really happy, but she admitted to having commitment issues. Things were going so well, Leonard would always ask her to marry him, then they'd be married forever and it kept freaking her out. But Leonard had a solution. LEONARD: I promise I will never ask you to marry me again. If, someday, you decide you want to get married, you have to propose to me. It's all on you. But I gotta tell you, when the time comes, I want the whole nine yards. I want you on one knee, I want flowers, I want to be swept off my feet! PENNY: (very happy) You got it. LEONARD: And I'm cool with surprises but nothing on a Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on a big screen like that. They kiss, and Penny has a question for him. PENNY: Leonard Hofstadter, will you be my Valentine? LEONARD: Sorry, maybe next year. (leaves and comes back) I'm just kidding. Let's have sex! Romance Ninja! And a third Valentine's night is going well for Stuart and Raj, although their fellow partiers still look pretty sad. Raj has had enough. He thinks everybody has to stop beating themselves up like they were. He gets everyone's attention. RAJ: We are all here tonight because we don't have anybody to be with us, but that doesn't make us mutants! The only mutants here are in these comic books. We have to stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship. You know what I see when I look around? I see a room full of great people. So let's give ourselves a break! We are a community, and as long as we're together, we're never alone! The crowd was impressed, particularly a very shy girl whom Raj asked if she wanted to get some coffee. She agreed. RAJ: (walking out the door) LATER, LOSERS!!! How is Amy's gift from Sheldon working out? Quite busy, if the brain tumor Sheldon had was any indication. Of course, it could have been brain freeze from his ice cream, but Sheldon insisted she come over. AMY: If he had a brain tumor, it would explain a lot.
17The Monster Isolation
21 Feb 2013Description ▼
Last week, Raj told the motley crew of comic book aficionados they were a community and would always have each other. A woman named Lucy liked his speech and asked to get a cup of coffee with him. One "LATER, LOSERS!!!" later, Raj is telling Lucy all about himself, how he went to Cambridge because it "totally looks like Hogwarts." He fell in love with astronomy and came to work at CalTech. (RAJ: So Raj is my name and stars are my game. And rhyming is also my game. So, uh, two games.) OK, enough about Raj, he wanted to hear about Lucy. She excused herself to go to the bathroom, and Raj celebrated a successful date by himself. Appropriate because Lucy snuck out the bathroom window and ran, so he really was by himself now. Back at the apartment, Sheldon taped another Fun With Flags (his episode dedicated to Black History Month didn't go that well...The Man's always putting him down) and Penny was gracious enough to volunteer as a Flag Virgin. (SHELDON: Not a real virgin! She's had coitus many times. Sometimes within earshot of this flag enthusiast. One time while he was trying to watch.) They started talking but Penny had him pause the tape. She told him he should look at her while they were conversing and not be so robotic. Several commenters had agreed with her, but Sheldon thought they were being complimentary. She told him to work on his body language so he was more open to the viewer instead of closed. And that open is the good way to go. Sheldon's efforts...well, I found Howard less creepy in the early seasons when he was trying to hit on Penny. And his definition of "open" was to open his legs wide. (SHELDON: Spread your legs, invite them in.) Howard took Bernadette and Leonard with him to Raj's apartment because he sensed something wrong with him. (BERNADETTE: How close were you guys before we got married?) Pretty close, because Howard's Spidey senses were quite accurate. Raj answered the door in what looked like one of my t-shirts (ripped and full of stains) and his aparment was so messy it would make Oscar Madison retch. He was humiliated once again and planned to never leave his apartment again. He figured he could order things online, like a case of Dinty Moore Beef Stew on Amazon (yes, I looked it up, you can) and order lobsters as well. A little surf-and-turf thought came to Leonard's and Howard's minds while Bernadette confronted Raj. (BERNADETTE: We're trying to get him out of here, not you in!) But Raj couldn't be persuaded and locked himself in his bedroom. Bernadette thought they could talk about it at Red Lobster. (BERNADETTE: Oh, we were all thinking it! I just had the decency to wait for him to leave!) Sheldon called Amy on teleconference, but she was quite busy with the final day of her nicotine addiction study. The monkeys were down to one cigarette a day and they were MAD. (AMY: Makes me miss my marijuana-abusing flatworms. Those guys were mellow!) Sheldon told her Fun With Flags was a success thanks to Penny's advice. Amy asked if he thanked Penny but he didn't know he should. Amy told him to do so, and Sheldon did. Leaving Amy alone. AMY: (to the monkeys) Yeah, you want a cigarette? I want a normal boyfriend! DEAL WITH IT! Sheldon goes to thank Penny, somehow working his three-knock-Penny cadence into the conversation. She invites Amy and him to her acting company's play and he thinks that's crazy. And tells Amy that, who told him he was being rude and left her to be hit by monkey feces while he went to apologize. Several awkward/angry/confusing minutes (mostly on Penny's part) later, and Sheldon was going to her play. At the comic book store, Sheldon finds out about Raj sequestering himself. (SHELDON: Brilliant! I've been itching to pull that trigger!) Lucy stopped by and Howard read her the riot act. She apologized and asked Howard to give him a note. (RAJ: Raj is a proud, passionate man. If you go running out on him again, you're only gonna get three or four more chances before you are history!) Howard goes to tell Raj, who is now down to a lobster bib and tighty-whiteys. (and managed to top Sheldon's creepiness) Raj said it was too late, that he was renouncing all worldly pleasures. Except for lobster. And garlic butter. (HOWARD: I want to say it's her loss, but you're not making it easy.) Howard gives up and leaves. But not for long, as Raj chases him down the street to get her number back. (yes, in the lobster bib and tighty-whiteys) Leonard got ready for Penny's play...by shaking down Sheldon for all the games he hid on his person, including the Rubik's Cube in his crotch and the Etch-A-Sketch down his underwear. Amy stops by to get ready for the play, having been dropped from her nicotine addiction study. AMY: Typical bureaucratic nonsense. You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own feces back at them, and suddenly you're "unprofessional." LEONARD: I'm so sorry...that I even asked. Sheldon said he wanted to get to that stupid play, despite Amy pointing out is one of the great American plays. But the streetcar sold Sheldon on it. Everybody enjoys themselves. Sheldon was quite impressed with Penny's work. (SHELDON: How can she remember all those lines, but as a waitress she can't remember 'no tomato on my hamburger'?) Lucy stopped by Raj's apartment to apologize. She wanted to see him but she had a hard time being around people she didn't know. She didn't even like comic books; she saw the light on at Stuart's comic book store and forced herself to go in. She was ready to leave, but Raj admitted he was just as scared as she was. Had it not been for the beer in his hand, he wouldn't even be able to talk to her. (RAJ: There are many things wrong with me! And not, like, quirks either. Like...diagnosable psychological problems. There might be brain damage.) He proposes she go out on a date with him and he'd prove it. She agrees. RAJ: You won't regret it! I'm the most pathetic guy you've ever met! (she smiles and leaves) And that, boys and girls, is how it's done.
18The Contractual Obligation Implementation
07 Mar 2013Description ▼
As faculty at the university, Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon had to come up with some ideas for the university committee they were on, which was to encourage women to think about careers in science. Leonard figured they could get it over with or just bitch and whine about it. (HOWARD: I got whine. SHELDON: I got the 'b' word.) Leonard doesn't want it to be like school all over again, where the smart kid in the group does all the work. (HOWARD: If I was any good at convincing women to do stuff, I wouldn't have spent so much of my 20s in the shower.) Sheldon thinks people should do things for themselves, like when Leonard drove him to the pharmacy, the dry cleaners, and the post office. Leonard thinks refusing to do this is being sexist, but both Sheldon and Howard protest...as they play their videogame with big-breasted heroines. Finally Leonard's had enough and challenges Sheldon to prove he's as smart as he always says he is. Surprisingly, Sheldon steps up to the plate and thinks they have to talk to women while they're in middle school because by the time they get to college they've already made their minds up. Leonard thinks he was onto something, and Howard figures he can use his influence as a NASA astronaut to get a talk arranged at his old middle school. Sheldon isn't sure how to give a talk about science to a bunch of schoolgirls. But that's what Google is for. SHELDON: (typing) How do I get twelve-year-old girls excited? LEONARD/HOWARD: NOOOO!!!!! Meanwhile Raj was thanking Penny, Amy, and Bernadette for letting him crash girls' night. He even brought fondue and wine.(PENNY: I've slept with guys for less. What? It's a joke...based on real events.) Raj wanted to pick their brains on how to date Lucy when she has serious social anxiety. Amy's suggestion of finding a dangerous place to go, such as picnicking near a lunatic asylum or a wine tasting on skid row, didn't fly that well. Bernadette suggested riding Space Mountain at Disneyland, so Lucy would get scared and hold onto him. Although Penny advised him that the ride was much shorter than you think and they take your picture at the end, so get the clothes back on quickly. (PENNY: It's a joke!...based on real events.) RAJ: Disneyland? I don't know. With the crowds and all the weird characters walking around, it reminds me too much of India. Suggesting they go on a weekday to avoid the crowds gets the ladies agreeing to play hooky from work one day and going. AMY: Play hooky? My mom said that's how girls end up addicted to reefer and jazz music. PENNY: More like how girls end up at a Best Western motel with a 34-year-old guy named Luther. BERNADETTE: Joke? PENNY: (shrugs) I can laugh about it now. And they kind of forget Raj's problem. Which was OK, since none of them had any other good suggestions for him. Leonard, Sheldon, and Howard make it to his old middle school, where Howard still gets pushed around by the bigger kids. Leonard introduces himself and the guys and tries to make science sound very exciting to the middle school girls. I emphasize try. Quite honestly, it looked more like a stand-up comedian doing his act in a club with only two people in it...both of whom were heckling him. Leonard's attempts to sound like the host of an open mic night notwithstanding, he brings up Sheldon, who tells the girls about Madam Curie. She was a hero to science, until her hair fell out, her vomit and stool became full of blood, and she was killed by her own discovery of radiation. (SHELDON: With a little hard work, I see no reason why that can't happen to any of you.) Next up was Howard, who talked about being an astronaut. He didn't go to the moon, he went to the International Space Station. He also didn't get to drive the rocket there or back; he was just along for the ride. So according to one of the students, he was just like her uncle, who was a flight attendant. (HOWARD: The difference being I'm an American hero while your uncle brings people nuts!) Well, Leonard can't do any worse. Or so we thought. One student asks how he got into science and he tells her both of his parents were scientists, so he was kind of led in that direction. LEONARD: Well, pushed would be more like it. (getting depressed) To be honest, when I was your age, I wanted to be a rap star. Like Snoop Dogg but with a healthy respect for the police. (the students laugh) Oh, you laugh. Just like my mother did. (starts rapping) After I confided, I was derided and chided. My mom said I collided, she said my dreams were misguided. (yes it was that bad) Much to Penny's dismay, Amy and Bernadette wanted to do princess makeovers instead of getting drunk and riding the rides. Bernadette called Cinderella "because this was my idea, I'm driving, and I'm going to be Cinderella. And if you bitches have a problem with that, we can stop the car now!" Meanwhile, Raj sets up a picnic basket at a library for his date with Lucy. After getting rid of the creepy guy who is a little awkward, too, Lucy wonders what he's doing. He takes out his phone and sends her a text: they were having a texting date. And she text back that she loves the idea. But Raj advises her over text that she should remember he has an adorable accent. Not to worry, she totally digs the date. Raj wants to know what she does for a living, and she texts she's in web design. Raj asks if she did anything he would have seen. LUCY: (texting) You ever look at porn websites? RAJ: (texting uncomfortably) No, never. What is porn? LUCY: (texting) Sorry, Autocorrect. That was supposed to say PROM websites. RAJ: (texting happily) Fun! I love prom! The romance, the gowns! It's like a fairy tale come to life! (oops) Sorry, Autocorrect. That was supposed to say "I like sports." The talk on encouraging the girls to take up science is crashing and burning very quickly. (LEONARD: I never wanted to play the cello! How do you meet girls playing the cello? 'Hey, wanna come over to my house and listen to me play an instrument that sounds like a suicidal bumblebee?') But once again, Sheldon comes up with a solution. He decides the girls should talk to two ACTUAL female scientists, so he calls Amy and Bernadette to talk to the girls. AMY: The world of science needs more women, but from a young age, we girls are encouraged to care more about the way we look than the power of our minds. (as she fixes her lipstick in her full Snow White attire) BERNADETTE: That's true. Any of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be. PENNY: (not happy about being Sleeping Beauty) Unless you want to be Cinderella. BERNADETTE: (pissed) Come at me! See what happens! Raj and Lucy's date has to come to an end since her battery was dying out, so she told Raj (by actually saying it) she enjoyed the date, even though she was scared to be there. So she decided she'd try one more scary thing and kiss Raj. She got close and...maybe next time! (she ran out) But Raj counted that as foreplay. Back at home, we find out why Bernadette fought so hard to be Cinderella. Howard comes home and she has a surprise for him. (HOWARD: Please be Cinderella, please be Cinderella...). And he goes the full Prince Charming on her. As for Penny, she tried to explain to Leonard they did princess makeovers, but he had half his clothes off before she could even say she was Sleeping Beauty. And Snow White lay on the couch, waiting for her kiss from Sheldon. SHELDON: I heard you the first time.
19The Closet Reconfiguration
14 Mar 2013Description ▼
Howard and Bernadette have decided to have the entire gang over for dinner, and Howard is actually cleaning. The guy's definition of cleaning, which is to throw everything in the closet. Over Bernadette's protests, naturally. (HOWARD: Hey, you can tell me what to do or tell me how to do it, but not both. This isn't sex.) Actually, a great idea would be to show the closet to Sheldon and have him rearrange everything. (HOWARD: Everything in his apartment has a label on it. Even his label maker has a label on it that says 'label maker'.) Bernadette thought that was crazy until Sheldon brought his own food over to the dinner party. (BERNADETTE: Show him the closet!) Yes, like a four-year-old at a grown-up's party, Sheldon spent the whole night playing. Even Amy had no problem with this. (AMY: The other day, he spent an hour at Whole Foods optimizing the cheese aisle. His quirks just make you love him more! Someone please agree with me.) He even wanted five more minutes to continue cleaning and reorganizing when it was time to go...after Leonard had already told him five more minutes. Howard offered to drive him home, and Leonard was happy with that deal. During his reorganization, Sheldon opened a letter he found from Howard's father, who had left Howard when he was eleven. Howard was upset he did that, but Sheldon didn't know if it was supposed to be filed under personal correspondence or memorabilia. He didn't want to know what was in the letter, although he did let Sheldon keep a box of shirt buttons to sort on the ride home. As Leonard and Penny decide to have a dress-up party for their friends (PENNY: Just when you say dressed up, you mean nice clothes and not capes and tights and crap.), Howard stayed up during the night wondering about what was in the letter his father sent to him when he was eighteen. After mulling it over and talking to Bernadette about it, he felt his father didn't deserve a chance to apologize or explain himself. He burned the letter. And set off the smoke detector. (HOWARD: And neither of us is tall enough to reach that.) Bernadette went to talk to Amy and Penny about it the next day, seeing as how Howard was already freaked out by wearing her pants to work. (BERNADETTE: I don't know why he was upset; they were bigger on him than me.) She really needed to know what was in that letter, and Amy pointed out they could ask Sheldon. BERNADETTE: What kind of wife would I be if I didn't respect my husband's privacy? PENNY: What if I asked him and you just happened to be in the room? BERNADETTE: (thrilled) That works! They go down to the laundry, where Sheldon is cleaning out the lint traps from the dryers. (SHELDON: It's like I'm cleaning out the entire building's belly button.) The ladies arrive and Amy tells Sheldon he has something they want. (SHELDON: My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.) They told him they wanted to know what was in the letter, but he was bound by the closet organizer-organizee confidentiality agreement. Penny protested it was Bernadette's closet, too, so she has the right to know what was in the letter. SHELDON: Are you pointing out that California is a community property state, and since Howard and Bernadette are married, the intellectual property contained in that letter is jointly owned by the two spouses? PENNY: (totally lost) Yeah, obviously. SHELDON: Well played. You know, sometimes I don't give you enough credit, Penny. So now four out of the six know what was in the letter to Howard's father. How did Leonard and Raj find out? Raj wanted to plan Leonard and Penny's dinner party, but turn-of-the-century was a bit over-the-top for Leonard's tastes. LEONARD: I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch. Penny and I just want something low-key. Cocktails, some light jazz music, hors d'oeuvres. RAJ: So, your theme is "I saw an episode of and bought some crab puffs from Trader Joe's"? Sheldon came back from the laundry and told them about revealing confidential information about Howard's father, which he wasn't going to reveal to them. SHELDON: Badgering me won't work. What you should have said is it's pointless to keep this a secret because Penny would tell us. LEONARD: OK, then that. SHELDON: All right, I'll tell you. My goodness, everybody is on their game today. At Leonard and Penny's party, everyone agreed before Howard arrived to not make any mention of his father. However, on the way up the stairs...which Howard suffered as much as Bernadette thanks to his Cuban heels...Bernadette admitted to him she knew what was in the letter. He bursts through the door and is ready to attack Sheldon, who used Amy as a human shield. (SHELDON: I panicked! He looked taller than usual!) Everyone admitted they made Sheldon reveal it. Except Raj. RAJ: Shame on all of you! LEONARD: You know, too. RAJ: Couldn't leave him one friend, could you. Howard was upset and Bernadette apolgized. They offered to tell him, but he flat-out refused. He left the party and went home. Bernadette went home to find him looking at pictures of his father. (HOWARD: I have to tell you, as angry as I am with Sheldon blabbing, he did a HELLUVA job organizing this closet!) Bernadette had an idea. She brought the entire gang over and each offered to say what was in the letter. Sheldon said they could create a way of knowing and not knowing based on a macroscopic example of quantum superposition; that a physical system exists partially in all its possible states at once. (PENNY: We were all thinking it, really. Sort of the elephant in the room.) Hence, only one story would be the truth, but Howard was free to believe whichever story he wanted. (SHELDON: Hence you would be in a state of epistemic ambivalence.) Howard accepted that. RAJ: It was a card for your 18th Birthday. Inside it said "Happy Birthday, Howard. I love you, Dad." Oh, and it was a Far Side comic, the one where the frog has his tongue stuck to the underside of an airplane. Thinks it's a fly? SHELDON: It was a map leading to the treasure of the famous pirate One-Eye Willie. HOWARD: Nice try, that's the plot from. AMY: You didn't know it, but your father was in the auditorium at your high school graduation, and he cried because he was so proud of you. PENNY: It was a letter explaining your dad wasn't who he said he was. Eventually, his other life caught up to him, and the only way to keep you and your mom safe was to leave. LEONARD: Your dad wrote about how family is the most important thing, and that you should never throw it away like he did. BERNADETTE: Inside the envelope was a picture of your father holding you the day you were born. On the back he wrote "Howard, my son, my greatest gift." Everybody is curious to know which story he thinks is correct, but Howard hopes all of them are correct. Penny suggests they continue the dinner party and they head back to Leonard's apartment. Although Sheldon did read some rather saucy passages from Bernadette's diary, which was also in the closet. Sheldon assured her those secrets were safe with him. SHELDON: (aside to Howard) Although copyright laws would allow me to quote snippets of it in the form of a review. And as everybody enjoyed the party, Sheldon enjoyed reorganizing Penny's closet. He even found a dead goldfish that she forgot to feed. He also figured she had a dog, based on the battery-operated chew toy he found. PENNY: (shoving him out the door) Party's over! Party's over!
20The Tenure Turbulence
04 Apr 2013Description ▼
Apparently, a jellyfish is capable of immortality simply by spending a period of time in an asexual state and grows up again. The same thing Howard's grandfather tried on his Jamaican caregiver but didn't work. But at least now the mystery of the smell from Professor Tupperman's office was solved: it was Tupperman himself dying at his desk and nobody noticing for two weeks, according to Kripke. (KRIPKE: In lieu of flowers, the chair is asking everybody donate a bottle of Febreze.) But it also meant there was now a tenured position at the university. While Kripke went to attach his lips to the butts of the tenure committee, Sheldon railed against tenure, saying scientists would work better if a chip was implanted in their heads that exploded whenever the scientist said something stupid. Raj thought people worked better when they had job security. ("Boom!") But Raj thought it should go to Sheldon or Leonard if he didn't get it, and Sheldon told him not to fill Leonard's head with false hope. LEONARD: (mad as hell) Excuse me, but I think I'm just as qualified as you are. SHELDON: (that chip again) Boom! Boom! Boom! Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj discussed the tenured position with their significant others (or Howard's significant other in Raj's case, since Howard wasn't eligible). Raj could use the extra income, since his dad will buy him the BMW but won't spring for the seat warmers. (BERNADETTE: I think that's enough wine for now.) Penny was impressed with the fact Leonard couldn't be fired from his job. (PENNY: Sounds a lot like being a pretty waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.) But Leonard would love to get it just to be able to call his mother and tell her he got tenure at CalTech...assuming she took his call. He was going to let his work speak for itself, no schmoozing, and Penny admired his integrity. LEONARD: You think I'm a naive idiot, right? PENNY: Oh good, you heard me. Amy thought Raj and Leonard didn't stand a chance because Sheldon was so great. (SHELDON: I must say, I go back and forth on this boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but those moments when you worship me really keeps you in the running.) She thought he should cozy up to the committee, but Sheldon does not do cozy. (AMY: You don't say.) But Sheldon did check to see who was on the committee. Among them was Janine Davis, yes the Mrs. Davis whom Sheldon told she was a slave when he was accused of sexual harassment, so Sheldon figured he had a 50/50 chance with her. Let the kissing up begin! Leonard corners Mrs. Davis in the gym as she worked out on an elliptical rider. Leonard tried exercising on the one next to her as if he had been doing it all of his life...thanks to Mrs. Davis telling him where the Start button was. Leonard's attempts to engage in polite conversation were a bit difficult since he had to inhale his entire asthma inhaler while trying to keep up on the elliptical rider. (And saying Mrs. Davis would look great in a swimsuit probably didn't help.) But when Kripke came in to kiss up to Mrs. Davis as well and wouldn't leave, Leonard pretended to head over to the weightlifting section...but actually fell to the ground and needed someone to call a medic. Mrs. Davis was thankfully spared Raj's 90-minute video on why he would be a good choice for tenure...until she found out it was Sheldon at her door. (MRS. DAVIS: God, they're everywhere.) He decided to give her a thank-you gift to smooth things over for the last time. MRS. DAVIS: ? Why would you think this is an appropriate gift? SHELDON: (confused and/or clueless) Um...well...you are black, right? The meeting quickly ends (at Mrs. Davis' insistence), which was fine for Sheldon, because he had to drop off the complete works of to Professor Wu. Suffice it to say, nobody wants to go to Prof. Tupperman's funeral, except for the fact that Howard pointed out the entire tenure committee would be there. And the guys perked up. (HOWARD: Yeah, that's what I was hoping for---meerkats.) Sheldon goes to break his date with Amy, explaining he had to go to Tupperman's funeral...and not to trim his Q-Tips to fit his ears. (SHELDON: Honestly, if I have to endure a long and tedious evening, I'd rather be with you on Date Night.) But Amy thought she should come along because she was well versed in tenure politics and could talk Sheldon up. Sheldon agreed. (SHELDON: Actually, I meant you can drive me.) Leonard was upset when Penny told him about Sheldon going since they all agreed not to go. Then he could go without anyone finding out. Penny offered to go with and support him, but Leonard thought there wasn't much she could do among a group of boring old men. PENNY: OK, I'm just going to tie my shoe while you think about that. LEONARD: (watching her caboose as she bends over) Oh, yeah. Thanks, that'd be a great help. You realize then you might kill some of them. PENNY: Oh, then you WILL get tenure. At the funeral, Amy reminds Sheldon that he feels sad, the great number of people doesn't make him sweaty and claustrophobic but glad, and getting Mrs. Davis that box set of was bad. But Sheldon couldn't handle Raj showing up, accusing him of just coming to schmooze the tenure committee. (RAJ: Hey, I'm here to pay my respects to Professor...Tupperware.) And then Leonard and Penny arrive, and Leonard starts right in on Sheldon. (LEONARD: I guess the train store in Glendale wasn't having a cotillion.) Amy wants to know why Penny was there, and Leonard tells her to do it. Penny gives her the reason. Both of them, in fact. In a nice tight low-cut black dress. SHELDON: Did she do it yet? AMY: (exasperated) She's planning to flirt with members of the tenure committee to further Leonard's cause. SHELDON: Well that's a fine how-do-you-do! (to Amy) Take your breasts out. Amy is ticked off Penny would resort to such ploys and confounded at how Penny's breasts were staying up like they were. (LEONARD: Way to hit 'em with both barrels.) Raj thinks both Leonard and Sheldon should be ashamed at using their girlfriends to advance their cause with sexuality...and whatever Amy plans to do. SHELDON: (offended) Are you implying my girlfriend has no sexuality to exploit? RAJ: Yes. SHELDON: OK, because that was not clear... AMY: SHELDON! What was Sheldon to do now? With Howard and Bernadette there, he took Howard's advice to talk smack about Raj's mother. SHELDON: Last night, I was feeling in need of some sexual release when I happened to come across your mother. Leonard stops it and figures tenure wasn't worth losing his friends over. He was going to let his work speak for itself. LEONARD: Friends are forever. HOWARD: So is tenure... BERNADETTE: (pissed) WALK!!! But Raj agreed that this was beneath him. (RAJ: Like your mother was last night!) But Sheldon asked Amy for advice. AMY: Well, you'll always be an academic success, but I seriously question if you'll make any more friends. SHELDON: I don't want any more, but let's go. Besides, Kripke found the in with Mrs. Davis: babysitting her kids. (KRIPKE: I wove kids. There's something about me that just makes them waugh and waugh...) They wanted to remain friends, but they couldn't let Kripke get that tenured position, either. RAJ: Screw it, I'm going in. SHELDON: Hold on. I believe "Screw it, I'm going in" is what I said to your mother last night. (to Amy) I didn't really say that. I find the concept of coitus ridiculous and off-putting. AMY: (frustrated) Should have taken my breasts out when I had the chance. Here's the good news: Mrs. Davis recommended Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj for the short list, admitting all of them were accomplished scientists despite their quirks (re: SHELDON). And no gift for her this time; he realized how inappropriate his prior gift was. MRS. DAVIS: (sticking her hand out) Thank you Dr. Cooper. (Sheldon gives it two slaps, a couple of fist bumps and...it was hysterical, words don't do it justice) I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. SHELDON: Yeah. Right on, sister!
21The Closure Alternative
25 Apr 2013Description ▼
Sheldon needs room on the DVR for recording. Naturally, he thinks it's Penny's fault. Although pawning it off to the Chinese hacking the DVR is a flimsy excuse when a recording of is on there. Leonard suggests Sheldon erase the season 2 finale of, given it won't have a season 3. Which was news to Sheldon. He was quite upset that it ended on a cliffhanger and it wouldn't get resolved. After all, got a movie, continued as a comic book, and " gradually lowered the quality season by season until we were grateful it ended." Sheldon was going to call the Syfy Channel and give them a piece of his mind, much to Penny's chagrin. (LEONARD: If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds, they shouldn't have started the Syfy Channel.) Oh, speaking of crazy, not a good idea to convince Penny to watch Buffy with him at 6:30 in the morning, no matter how many jokes or hot vampires the show has. (Same can be said for, only there the vampires ARE the joke.) While Howard installed Raj's new security camera so he could keep an eye on his dog at work (HOWARD: Why can't you just watch porn like a regular guy?), Raj found Lucy's blog online, where she said she recently went on a date with a guy named Roger, who was Indian and an astrophysicist. Raj wanted to know who it was. Howard had to explain Lucy changed his name on purpose to protect their privacy. (RAJ: I always thought if I had a white name, it would be Gavin.) Raj thought it was creepy to read her blog, but getting a little tongue action on his lips from his dog was just cute. He finally breaks down and reads her blog to find out Lucy thought Raj was a little feminine. (HOWARD: Just a little? That's great!) Howard suggests he uses the blog to get into Lucy's pants. RAJ: Why must you always make things filthy? Why couldn't you have said "the blog is like key to her heart"? HOWARD: "The key to her heart." That's nice. Were you quoting someone or is that tattooed on the small of your back? RAJ: I was quoting a man who knows a thing or two about women: Sir. Amy stopped by to visit with the despondent Sheldon in the hopes of helping him cope with Alphas ending with some physical contact. (SHELDON: I'm not going to fly all the way to Texas just to get a hug from my mother.) But Amy pressed forward, accusing Sheldon of having issues with closure. Of course, he denies it. And Amy knocks the beginning of "Shave and a Haircut," knowing Sheldon will complete the "Two Bits." (SHELDON: That proves nothing!) Oh, if Leonard ever introduces you to Buffy, make sure he drinks decaf. Penny thought Buffy was cute, but Leonard thinks that word diminishes them. (PENNY: So, do you want me to stop calling your little tushie cute?) Leonard is depressed but Penny was up for another DVD because it reminded her of her high school. (PENNY: Except instead of vampires, we had meth heads. But both came out at night and had messed-up teeth.) Amy volunteers her knowledge of neuroscience to cure Sheldon of his need for closure. She starts with a game of tic-tac-toe. Sheldon thinks she's full of it, particularly when she is about to lose to him. At that point, she erases the game. And now Sheldon wants to pull his own face off and tear it up into little Sheldon face confetti. SHELDON: You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a desire build up in you and then be denied any opportunity for release. AMY: (major league sarcasm) Yeah, sounds like a drag. While Raj decides to "butch himself up" by wearing a L.A. Kings hockey jersey (only because black is very slimming, that Cup's coming to CHI-TOWN!!!!!), Penny still can't get as enthused about Buffy as Leonard does. Or about anything for that matter. She asked Bernadette about it, and Bernadette admitted she was quite passionate about science, particularly the first time she looked through a microscope and saw millions of tiny microorganisms. (BERNADETTE: If I wanted to, I could wipe them out with my thumb like a god.) All Penny needed to do is take some time and figure out what she's passionate about. (PENNY: Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work.) Sheldon's deprogramming continues. Included are Amy playing the Star-Spangled Banner and stopping before the word "brave," having Sheldon set up a creation made of dominoes...and not letting him knock them down...and let's not even talk about a jack-in-the-box playing Pop Goes the Weasel. And stopping Sheldon from blowing out the last candle on a birthday cake. AMY: Now your wish can't come true. SHELDON: (muttering) Lucky for you, 'cause I wished you were dead. Raj and Lucy's date is going OK. Raj's favorite hockey player is definitely NOT, and the burritos are still a bit frozen because no wrapper is going to tell Raj what to do. (Except ) Finally, Lucy asks him why he was acting all weird, but Raj claims it was the steroids. She thanks him for the burrito and pork rinds and the lecture on monster trucks and heads out, so Raj finally admits reading what she wrote about him being feminine. Lucy said it was a compliment, saying he was sweet and caring. LUCY: Do you even like hockey? RAJ: (laughs) No. I bought this at the Staples Center when I went to see. While having dinner with Leonard, Penny told him she figured it out. She was passionate about him. (LEONARD: Aww, my cute little tushie strikes again.) She had all of these grand plans to be in movies and live a glamorous life, and anything short of that wasn't worth getting excited about. But she realized she had Leonard, she had all sorts of great friends. She had an exciting life right now. LEONARD: So...does that mean we get to talk about cool shows and get dressed up in matching costumes and go to Comic Con? PENNY: Leonard, I had an epiphany, not a stroke. And Sheldon appeared to be cured. Amy was proud of him and went on her way. SHELDON: You're an excellent neuroscientist, you're a wonderful girlfriend, and (closes door) a complete sucker! Finish that tic-tac-toe game, pop that weasel, blow out that last candle, knock down those dominoes, and the home of the BRAVE! It was practically orgasmic. PENNY: (walks in) Sheldon, you big weirdo, I want you to know that I love you're in my life! SHELDON: (spent like Austin Powers) And I love you, too. And Sheldon even found the writer of the Alphas finale, who told Sheldon how he would have resolved the cliffhanger. SHELDON: Oh, that stinks. No wonder your show got canceled. Goodbye.
22The Proton Resurgence
02 May 2013Description ▼
Sheldon found out something exciting on his computer, and Penny found something exciting on Leonard's computer: a computer-controlled Nerf gun. (Although she conceded Sheldon's big head made it an easy target.) As for Sheldon, he found out Professor Proton, the host of his favorite TV show as a child, was available for children's parties and he wanted to hire him to "hang out, do experiments, or have him take 12 pictures and make a calendar." Believe it or not, Leonard was just as interested in hiring Professor Proton as well, having seen his show where he would demonstrate scientific principles using everyday household objects. LEONARD: It was pretty cool. PENNY: Aww, it's so cute when you use the word 'cool' wrong. Like when kids say 'psghetti'. Raj needed someone to take care of his dog for the weekend while he worked in the telescope lab. Howard wondered why he couldn't just put Cinnamon in a kennel. And Raj angrily wondered why Howard just didn't put his mother in a home. (HOWARD: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.) Still, Howard and Bernadette would be happy to take care of the dog, although they did draw the line at feeding her egg-white frittatas for breakfast and scampi for dinner. But they were OK with the baby carriage Cinnamon rode around in, and Bernadette even thought it was nice that Howard threw the ball such a short distance so she didn't have to scamper so far on her little legs. (HOWARD: Yeah, that's what I was doing.) In fact, she even admitted it felt like they were a little family...which of course in sitcoms means they've lost the dog. Sheldon, of course, kept Leonard up much of the night in excitment over the arrival of Professor Proton. Even Leonard's little act of violence against Sheldon to stop him from practicing his greeting didn't slow him down. And naturally, Sheldon panicked when Professor Proton was two minutes late. But then, it would have been nice if they had told him the elevator was broken, as Professor Proton was catching his breath on the third floor landing, needing 30 minutes just to get that far. Sheldon was still incredibly excited to meet him, even getting to call him by his real name: Arthur Jennings. (SHELDON: Look at me, I can get as close to you as I want without my Mom telling me it'll ruin my eyes.) ARTHUR: Is he dangerous? LEONARD: Actually, he's a genius. ARTHUR: That doesn't really answer my question. To be fair, his health improved rather quickly when he saw Penny and he was ready to put on a show. Then he found out the show was just for Sheldon. Then he wasn't nearly as thrilled but he soldiered on. ARTHUR: (to Leonard) Is the blonde girl really your girlfriend? YOU'RE the genius. Howard and Bernadette searched high and low looking for Cinnamon, even calling her name in Raj's accent so she would understand them. Howard actually liked hearing Bernadette talk like that. (BERNADETTE: It turns you on when I sound like Raj??) But Cinnamon was found. Animal Control picked her up and called Raj, who decided not to tell Howard and Bernadette for a few hours while they got massages to calm themselves down. When he finally Skyped with them, they were beside themselves trying to apologize...until they found out Raj retrieved Cinnamon hours ago. BERNADETTE: (mad as hell) We've been worried sick! She could have been dead, for all we knew! You should be ashamed of yourself! RAJ: (flustered) I'm sorry... BERNADETTE: Sorry's not good enough! Maybe you should take some time and think about what you've done! (slams laptop shut) HOWARD: Nice guilt trip. You're going to be a wonderful mom. Penny asked Arthur if he did a lot of appearances like this, but he had to admit he was still trying to figure out what 'this' is, particularly with Sheldon mere inches from him with a big grin on his face. There wasn't much to tell about his life, since he did the show years ago and had been doing children's parties to pay the bills since nobody in the scientific community would take him seriously in spite of a PhD from Cornell. Still, working with kids had to be rewarding, right? (ARTHUR: You get bit a lot.) Sheldon and Leonard both wanted Arthur to perform some experiments. ARTHUR: You two are physicists and want me to perform a children's science show? Yes, they did. Sheldon even provided the puppet from his show: Geno the Neutrino. (got it on eBay for $20 including shipping) But the professor did it perform an experiment where an egg would be sucked into a large flask when it snuffs the flame inside of it. Which Sheldon knew, although Penny didn't. But she certainly wanted to see the electric clock powered by the potato. (PENNY: Shut...UP! You can really do that? I mean, wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?) Unfortunately, Professor Proton couldn't do any more. Sheldon thought it was Penny's fault, but she was the only reason he had stayed that long. Arthur was burned out over being Professor Proton, thinking it never gotten him anything. ARTHUR: I've got potatoes in my briefcase, other scientists think I'm a joke, and the puppeteer who did Geno did my wife. But Leonard and Sheldon gave him some perspective. Sheldon said that Professor Proton was the only friend he had at his house every day at 4 PM, and Leonard told him he must have influenced thousands of kids into becoming scientists, so their accomplishments were just as much his. He thanked him for their kind words and thanked them even more for calling 911 because his pacemaker was acting up. Sheldon wanted to ride along in the ambulance, and Arthur was disappointed to learn ambulances weren't reserved for next-of-kin. Still, he would be OK, Sheldon's singing of Soft Kitty in his hospital room was a help ("the fourth time was the charm"), and he even asked Sheldon to perform his act for a Korean family the next day because he was laid up. SHELDON: Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.? ARTHUR: Sounds great. SHELDON: So, in a way, it's like I'm your son. (hugs him) Father! ARTHUR: Sure, what the hell.
23The Love Spell Potential
09 May 2013Description ▼
It's party time for the gang. For the ladies, it's VEGAS BABY, VEGAS! For the guys, it's D&D BABY, D&D! Penny, Amy, and Bernadette get in a cab and head to the airport to fly to the land with no rules. Although Amy does think there should be a rule about not having a six-way with the Blue Man Group. Fair enough. No husbands or boyfriends this weekend, so Penny was ready with new bikini, Bernadette had a nice tube top (and can of pepper spray), and Amy had a pair of old underwear to throw on the stage at a concert. She tried new underwear the last time and it didn't get her anyplace. The boys decided to shake things up and let Howard be the Dungeon Master instead of Leonard. Of course, Sheldon loathes change, at which point Leonard has to remind him he ended up liking as Spock. Sheldon is upset Leonard throws that in his face every single time he complains about change, but whatevs. Howard's ready to go, and the warriors come across an oak tree that looks like. (And a very kick-ass imitation there, Simon!) (SHELDON: You just got pantsed in the schoolyard, four-eyes!) But Raj was a brave warrior who wouldn't be kept from his goal. Nor a date with Lucy, who finished work early, so Raj was out the door. Thankfully for the guys, the ladies had returned. Apparently, a TSA agent got a little too handsy with Amy. She got a broken nose from Amy's elbow, and Amy got a spot on the no-fly list. She was upset. (PENNY: Hey, you lost money, you feel ashamed, and you got groped by a stranger. That's Vegas, you nailed it. Amy was about to go home when Leonard invited the ladies to play D&D. SHELDON: (shocked) Three weeks ago, you bought crunchy peanut butter, and now you want the girls to play D&D? Do you have a drug problem? I've never played Dungeons & Dragons with girls before. PENNY: Don't worry, sweetie. No one has. Sheldon left the decision to the Dungeon Master, who saw some Satanic fungus rising from the forest floor that looked like. HOWARD/AL: You're playing D&D, you're playing D&D, this whole APARTMENT'S playing D&D! (It was even better than his Nic Cage.) The ladies were in, particularly when Penny made a pitcher of margaritas. Sheldon informed them they didn't drink while playing D&D but Penny said it was a magic potion to make her like him more. (LEONARD: Double-potion, please.) Howard tells them about two hulking ogres (that sounded a lot like a bad guy from ). Everybody grabs a weapon, and Penny grabs more of her magic potion. But they need to roll the dice, so they leave it to the craps expert. (PENNY: 15's the point. The point is 15. Give the little lady some room. Here it is coming out.) Raj and Lucy meet for drinks. And despite the alcohol, it was going a bit awkwardly. In fact, Lucy was so nervous, she put roll-on anti-perspirant all over her body before arriving. (LUCY: If sweat starts squirting out the top of my head, you'll know why.) But to give her credit, she had been trying to do things that she was too scared to do, like tell her hair stylist she doesn't like bangs, saying no to kids selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door (LUCY: I have a two-year subscription to Guns & Ammo.), or sending her food back at a restaurant if something was wrong with it. But given at dinner her crab cakes were a bit funky, Raj thought it was the perfect opportunity for her to practice. Against her wishes, he called the waiter over, but she wouldn't tell him to fix the crab cakes. Raj kept prodding her, and she ran off to the bathroom. Raj thought it was cute and told the waiter the first time they dated, she went to the bathroom and jumped out the window. Just like she did tonight. Only she was locked in by a fence. She had no choice but to call Raj. As the rest of the gang really got into the D&D game (BERNADETTE: Come on! Mama wants a pair of dead ogres!), Raj finds Lucy and tells her it chips away at his masculinity to have her crawl out of a bathroom window. But she says right back that he was pushing her to send her food back and she didn't like it. And if she couldn't tell the woman at SuperCuts her forehead is her best feature, how could she tell Raj she was upset about being pushed? RAJ: Well, I like you a lot! And that is scary for me, because you're a proven flight risk. LUCY: How can you like me a lot? RAJ: For one thing, you have bigger emotional problems than me and I find that very attractive in a woman! I don't know...I think you're wonderful. Lucy goes up to the fence and puts her lips through it. Raj kisses her. (LUCY: I'm sweating out the top of my head!) In the D&D game, the gang takes out a flying dragon, but the dragon survives. Sheldon demands to know if the dragon said anything, so Howard breaks out the. (Didn't have the voice quite right, but the cadence was spot-on funny!) Amy gets a winning roll, the dragon dies, and Sheldon even gets some final words from Chris. Bernadette thinks Howard's one fine-ass Dungeon Master (although that may be the magic potion talking). He planned to take her on another adventure when they got home, and Sheldon was excited! (AMY: Sheldon, they're talking about sex.) Then Penny came up with the great idea Sheldon's and Amy's characters should do it in the game. Gets an Oooo! from Bernadette (and a backup Oooo! from Howard). The love spell was cast. HOWARD: When Sheldon looks at Amy, she's the most beautiful half-Orc he's ever seen and he's overcome with a desire to rip her armor off and gaze at her four hairy breasts! When Amy sees Sheldon, he....looks just like Sheldon because apparently she's into that. That might have been too much for Amy, who leaves and locks herself in Sheldon's room. (SHELDON: You see what happens when you let girls play D&D?) Sheldon goes to talk to her (knocking on his own door for the first time), and Amy is upset everybody thinks their relationship is a joke, but Sheldon doesn't think it is. SHELDON: Amy, before I met you, I never had any interest in an intimate relationship. AMY: And now? SHELDON: And now what? AMY: Do you have any interest now? SHELDON: I would not rule that out. AMY: (sarcastic) Wow, talk dirty to me. Sheldon thinks they have an extremely intimate relationship, but Amy wanted more. (SHELDON: More? Look at us! It's only been three years, and we're in bed together!) But Sheldon said their characters did have a love spell cast upon them and they should play it out. He went to get some dice and decided to (rolls) take off Amy's armor. Amy decided to kiss him on the lips. And Sheldon decided to (rolls) kiss her on the lips as well. Amy removes his armor, and Sheldon erotically caresses her (rolls) nose. (AMY: Keep rolling!) After a while, Penny and Leonard go to find out what happened and to apologize. AMY: Go away! Sheldon is about to nibble on my (rolls) FOURTEEN!
1The Hofstadter Insufficiency
26 Sep 2013Description ▼
Leonard is in the middle of the North Sea and the weather's rough. Of course, that doesn't stop Sheldon from calling him and accusing him of putting the in the case and vice versa. Then Leonard hears a roar coming from the sea, and Sheldon tells him someone's released a Kraken. Suddenly Leonard is pulled overboard by an octopus-like arm and Sheldon screams in terror! Yes, it was a nightmare and he high-tails it to Penny's and asks her if she's had any nightmares because she was missing Leonard. But he admitted to having a bad dream. ("Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case.") But Penny relents and "admits" she would feel better of Sheldon slept over in her apartment. So he does...right in her bed. At the university, Raj was missing Lucy, if thinking an oil-shaped stain in the parking garage was shaped like her could be an indication. Howard suggests Raj go to the post-doc mixer that night and find someone now that he can talk to women without alcohol. But Raj wants to know how he can meet women when he sees Lucy everywhere, even in his chicken pot pie? So Howard smashes the hell out of the thing. Raj is not happy with him, but Howard decides to be his wing man since Bernadette and Amy are away at a science conference together. Raj asks Sheldon to join them. SHELDON: I want you to be happy, too. But not enough to do anything about it. At the conference, Bernadette doesn't want to do dirty talk with Howard in front of Amy and Amy couldn't convince Sheldon she wouldn't bring home bed bugs. Needless to say, both of them needed a drink from the bar. Which two gentlemen at the bar were willing to provide them. Amy was ecstatic. (AMY: Guys are hitting on us and not just to get to Penny!) But they figured they had to come clean because they already had significant others. Bernadette couldn't help but wonder if Amy should talk to one of them anyway. No one would blame her. BERNADETTE: You're not married and you're boyfriend's kind of...Shelon. AMY: (offended) And your husband is extremely Howard. What's your point? Bernadette tried to apologize but Amy wasn't in a forgiving mood. How much does Sheldon miss Leonard? He wants to play Star Trek 3-D chess with Penny. She's not so thrilled, but Sheldon refused to admit he missed the way Leonard would make a smiley face on his waffles with the syrup or fix his zippers when they get stuck (yes, that one, too...which he asks Penny to fix in Leonard's absence). So Penny relents and would be happy about it...if Sheldon didn't try to prolong the game by tanking his moves. She decides to call Leonard, which of course Sheldon couldn't care less about. ("OH GOODY! PUT HIM ON SPEAKERPHONE!") But Leonard can't hear them...because of the party going on at 5AM his time. But they had to go because there was an iceberg...or at least someone yelling the word, which meant the entire crew had to take a shot of alcohol. Raj was successful in talking to a woman at the social...who made Lucy look like a party girl by comparison. But to make things worse, Mrs. Davis, the lady from HR the guys got in trouble with last year, stopped in and was not in a partying mood given her husband left her for an undergrad. Still things could get even worse...if Raj said to her he recently read an article on the infidelity of penguins. ("So if the fact your husband left you makes you feel unattractive, penguins get cheated on, and they're adorable!") Getting ready for bed, Amy finally relented and admitted she was flattered to have those two guys buy them drinks. Just for fun, they decided which they would have taken. Amy would have gone for the shorter one with the goofy haircut who was staring at her rack, while Bernadette thought she'd take the tall, quiet one who looked a bit standoffish and socially inexperienced because she could then show a thing or two in the bedroom. (give it a second...) Penny was mad as hell Leonard was partying. And the worst part was..."having to process her emotional pain without vodka." (Sheldon thinks so.) Penny wants to be comforted, and we all know how good Sheldon is at that. Penny wants him to stop, particularly when he guesses she's upset because she thinks Leonard is having drunken coitus with someone else, but Sheldon was obligated to comfort her because he promised Leonard he would take care of Penny while he was gone. He was promised a sailor's hat if he did. So he goes all out, even getting her a hot beverage. ("In a to-go cup. Make of that what you will.") Penny wants to talk, so Sheldon admits he owns 9 pairs of pants and 9 pairs of underpants. Penny decides to take the lead and admit she once did a topless scene in a low-budget slasher movie about a deranged gorilla and was ashamed of herself for doing it. Fortunately, Serial Apeist never got to DVD. Which of course means Howard found it on the Internet. And showed it the guys the day she moved in. Sheldon understood how personal the talk was, so he admitted he didn't like when YouTube changed its rating system, even though he tells people he was OK with it. Penny was upset thinking that's all she got, but Sheldon's feelings were hurt because what he told her was very personal. She didn't think it was a big deal. (SHELDON: It was to me.) Penny apologized for not taking it seriously. PENNY: How about a hug? SHELDON: How about a hearty handshake? (they hug) Now I know how you felt getting mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla. Raj finds Mrs. Davis and apologizes for his insensitivity earlier and says they have something in common: they're both "in the throes of heartbreak." And tells her about it. But they have a lovely conversation, and Raj told her he was at the social to pick up some post-doc girls but had a much better time as a result of connecting with her on a human level. Raj thinks they had a moment. Oh, and we do get to see Penny mauled by the sex-crazed gorilla. LEONARD: Yes, that's my girlfriend, I swear to God!
2The Deception Verification
26 Sep 2013Description ▼
Sheldon's need to espouse scientific discoveries doesn't stop just because Leonard is gone. He tells Penny that because of the jet stream winds, bad weather can actually make the day longer. (PENNY: There must be a helluva storm coming.) It turns out it wasn't a storm; just Leonard waiting for her in her apartment. She is thrilled but wonders why he was in there. He got home a few days early and didn't tell Sheldon so he could spend them with her. PENNY: That is so romantic! LEONARD: Yeah, that's why I did it. Sheldon wanted to get Leonard something nice to welcome him home, so he asks for Stuart's advice at the comic book store. And he ends up with a $1,200 Aqua-Man statue and a $200 Bat-Man squirt gun. (and he wants Penny to split the cost on the squirt gun) Meanwhile, Howard has been getting quite snippy and Raj calls him on it. Howard has been trying to lose weight and just can't seem to lose those last couple of pounds. HOWARD: I had to buy these pants in the men's section! RAJ: Well, we've all seen your mother. That Butterball Turkey was bound to come home to roost eventually. Back at Penny's, Leonard showed her the picture of him doing the on the boat...and of the crew pulling him out of the water. Penny goes to pay for the pizza and promises in lieu of a bigger tip, she won't tell the delivery guy's boss he reeks of marijuana. But she had to cover herself as Sheldon came up the stairs and saw her. (SHELDON: That's a rather earthy cologne. My uncle used to wear that.) Sheldon wants to eat dinner with her, but she wanted to eat alone. Sheldon comes in anyway and hears the toilet flush. She claims it's faulty, but Sheldon thinks he can fix it, having spent a lot of the fifth grade with his head in the toilet. The two glasses of wine were much easier to explain. Howard gets home and Bernadette made brownies for him. Which offended him to no end because she knew he was trying to lose weight. Bernadette didn't think he was fat, but either she or the bathroom scale was lying. He had a long dinner with his mother and had to apply estrogen cream on her back. (HOWARD: We have an unhealthy relationship!) He asked for more from her pharmaceutical company since they didn't account for square footage, but she realized he was applying it without gloves and it was absorbed into his skin. BERNADETTE: That's why you've been all bloated and moody and a giant pain in the ass! HOWARD: But you're full of estrogen and you don't act like that. BERNADETTE: That's because I'm a woman. I've had years of practice riding the dragon. Howard promises to wear gloves next time, but the estrogen would still take a few weeks to get out of his system. He's all depressed, and Bernadette wants to show him how much of a man he still is. (HOWARD: Sex, really? That's your answer for everything!) Sheldon airs his concerns to Amy, who doesn't think Penny would cheat on Leonard. But Penny beat Sheldon in a staring contest by clapping loudly and distracting him, so he thinks it's a short path from there to infidelity. The two listen in at Penny's door and do hear someone besides Penny in her apartment. Sheldon gets out his key and goes into Penny's apartment to find Leonard there. Penny is livid he barged in, so he goes back out and knocks on the door. (yes, in the famed Sheldon manner) Leonard tries to apologize and explain himself, but Sheldon isn't having it, saying he didn't realize how much of a burden his friendship with him was. And even the sailor cap Leonard brought back for him didn't mollify him, despite Penny and Amy trying to be encouraging. SHELDON: (wearing the sailor hat) This changes nothing. Except the Halloween costume I'm wearing this year. Amy, you're going as Olive Oyl, lay off the donuts. The estrogen in Howard would certainly not exit in time for him to ask Raj over and discuss his breasts. Howard is convinced his boobs are getting larger. Raj isn't sure, so he asks Howard to jump up and down. Still no difference, so Howard shakes them back and forth. Raj is starting to see that, but she shows that his do the same. (I am REALLY not doing this scene justice.) Raj needs to know for sure so he starts fondling Howard's breasts. And Howard checks Raj's. All while Bernadette watches in shock. (given how Melissa Rauch is built, there's something of an irony to it) Leonard wants to know if Sheldon still needs a ride to work but Sheldon doesn't know whether or not Leonard will really take him there, given he said he'd be home the prior day and had been home for three. Sheldon continues on with this, aggravating Leonard to no end. SHELDON: You say you're from New Jersey, but how can I believe you? LEONARD: Why would anyone claim they're from New Jersey when they weren't? SHELDON: OK, I'll give you that one. Leonard has finally had enough and leaves him behind. Amy stops by to get Sheldon and tells Penny that Sheldon is mad at her, too, for being the succubus who took Leonard away. (PENNY: I don't know what succubus is, but it has "suck" in it, so that can't be good.) Penny tries to talk to him, but he feels betrayed given he let her buy feminine hygiene products with his supermarket club card. (SHELDON: Have you any idea the kind of coupons I'm going to get in the mail?) Amy tries to play peacemaker, but Sheldon tells her she's either with him or against him. At which point he can take the bus. At which point he figures there may be a third option available. (AMY: FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.) As it happens, there was the perfect option at the university. The estrogen-silly Howard broke down in tears at seeing Leonard and Sheldon continue their fight and insists the two of them are best friends. And that's a beautiful thing. HOWARD: (tearful) Leonard, you know why he's mad at you? It's because he missed you! And as his friend, you should be happy for him because he has love in his life! Just like I do! This man (Raj) held my breast the other day and I love him for it! RAJ: (annoyed) Little loud, dude. (but Leonard and Sheldon forgive each other) It wasn't anything weird; it was just to see how big they were. Leonard gave Sheldon a full day at the barber, the dentist, and even the Los Angeles Bureau of Weights and Measures. Penny is glad they were friends again, and Sheldon was glad to give Penny his coupon for 50 cents off of Vagasil. (SHELDON: Think of me when you apply it.) Raj thinks it's great everyone was hanging out together again, but Leonard was shocked he was talking in front of the ladies without a drink. They forgot to tell him, and Howard breaks down in tears over it. Penny hands him the coupon. PENNY: Think of Sheldon when you apply it.
3The Scavenger Vortex
03 Oct 2013Description ▼
Raj was mad that everyone didn't RSVP to his murder-mystery dinner party. Which was last week, so he was even more mad about that. However, he soldiered on and suggested a scavenger hunt. This got a warmer reception because Howard used to do them at M.I.T. and Leonard used to do them at Princeton. And Sheldon got a good laugh at the two of them thinking those were real schools. Amy would have done them at Harvard, but she always got stuck on the first task: getting someone to be her partner. Even Penny has been on scavenger hunts with her friends...although their goal was mainly to get beer. So everybody was in. SHELDON: Sorry, are we really doing this or are we tricking Koothrappali like at the dinner party? Sheldon was prepared with an entire backpack of items for the scavenger hunt, even a bowling ball since he didn't want to have to stick his fingers in one in case the hunt took them to a bowling alley. Raj was ready to introduce them to the game...complete with smoke, P.A. system, flashing lights, and Get Ready 4 This by 2 Unlimited. (As Sheldon's students once said, KMN for knowing that without looking it up.) There were to be three teams of 2. The teams had to solve 10 different puzzles to find a gold coin (coin! coin! coin!...Raj had an echo button) Couples were suggested, but then Leonard thought picking names out of a hat would be even more fun. Which Penny immediately took offense to, thinking he didn't want her on his team. (PENNY: You think I'm going to be a liability, even though I totally used the word 'liability' correctly in a sentence.) She decided to choose Sheldon. (SHELDON: Really? The first time I'm ever picked first for a team and I'm stuck with the liability?) Amy plays peacemaker and Penny asks the two of them to be a team. And drawing names out of a hat it is. (This, of course, was an attempt by the producers to pair up characters on the show that normally don't get paired up, so Leonard and Bernadette were on a team, as were Howard and Amy, leaving Penny and Sheldon on the last team. But at least they've hugged.) The first task was to solve a jigsaw puzzle. Sheldon didn't like the fact Penny was putting pieces together that weren't edges and made her start all over again. Amy was quite good at them, her mother having told her a jigsaw puzzle was like having "a thousand friends." (AMY: She was full of fun lies like that.) Amy figures Howard would have rather been with Bernadette, but Howard wasn't. Bernadette could get a little...competitive. (worse than Monica on if you can believe it) And Leonard was finding this out the hard way. (BERNADETTE: FASTER! FASTER! FASTER! You know what that word means? MORE FAST!) The puzzle tells them to go to the comic book store, but Sheldon refuses to go until they put every last piece of the puzzle together, thinking it could be a trick and they should go to the train store. And he puts in every last piece...and it was the comic book store. On the way, Leonard laments Penny still being mad at him for not wanting to be on her team and Bernadette was even more mad at Leonard for keeping his car under Warp 9. Meanwhile, Howard and Amy tried to figure out what they had in common. Not much, although both of them liked music, so Howard let her pick the song. AMY: Beatles? Boring. Eminem? Scary. Weird Al? How old are you? Neil Diamond? HOWARD/AMY: (a few seconds later) SWEET CAROLINE! (BA BA BAAA!!) GOOD TIMES NEVER SEEMED SO GOOD. (SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD!) Raj thanks Stuart for loaning out the comic book store, and Stuart was so happy to help out at something he wasn't invited to take part in. (Raj even forgot to invite him to the murder mystery parties.) Howard and Amy arrive first and get their next clue from a cardboard cutout of The Riddler. While they look over the clue, Bernadette chased Leonard into the store. (BERNADETTE: How am I faster than you? I'm in heels, AND I stopped to take a phone call!) She wouldn't even let him apologize to Penny and Sheldon as she arrive last, but Sheldon briefly looks at the clue and already has it. Everyone else then gets it and takes off. STUART: (everybody's gone) So, nobody's going to buy anything. The next stop is a geology lab, where Sheldon explains how he figured out the clue so fast. (and for those whining about no science stuff on the show anymore, he went into a three-minute explanation that would take too long to type here, so deal with it!) As the clue said to leave no stone unturned, Penny and Sheldon look under every rock. But then Penny figures out the clue was behind the big Rolling Stones poster on the wall. Sheldon memorizes the map coordinates behind it, and they were off. To a bowling alley. (SHELDON: YES! MY BRAIN IS BETTER THAN EVERYBODY'S!) Meanwhile, as Howard and Amy continued to enjoy their Neil Diamond concert in the car (and checked out the geology lab singing Love on the Rocks ), Bernadette took over the driving because Leonard was still moping about Penny being mad at him. He was ready to quit, but Bernadette told him if he did that, he would be exactly what Penny thought he was. BERNADETT: How can I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part. Or a cat. Or a willow. It motivated Leonard to rappel down the elevator shaft in their building to get the next clue. Up was a bit of a problem. (LEONARD: Yeah, Penny might be onto something.) SHELDON/PENNY: To the planetarium! Let's go! LEONARD/BERNADETTE: To the tarpits! Let's go! AMY/HOWARD: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month. Let's go! They end up in the laundry room, where three bags of laundry await the teams. Naturally, Sheldon thinks it's Penny's turn to do the work. And Bernadette wasn't happy with Leonard for slowing down for that blind person, but Leonard was more upset with Penny for calling him...he couldn't say it in front of Sheldon. Penny didn't know what Leonard was talking about, mainly because Bernadette made the whole story up. BERNADETTE: You were about to quit like a big...Sheldon, cover your ears! SHELDON: I am not a child! I know the word ninny! Bernadette wished she had someone more manly on her team...like Penny. (LEONARD: Hey, I'm every bit as manly as Penny!) They finally get the clothing out to discover it's all pants except for a single shirt. One of Sheldon's shirts in fact. And each shirt had a spot on it. Yup, Sheldon's spot was the final destination. While Sheldon pre-soaked his soiled shirts, everybody else high-tailed it up the stairs and dug through the couch where Sheldon always sat. Then Raj came out in a -like robe with a glass of brandy, telling everyone to look in their pockets. Everybody had a gold coin that Raj slipped into their pockets earlier in the day. (RAJ: Don't you see? When we're all having fun together, we're already winners!) Penny looked like she was about to go junior rodeo on Raj. BERNADETTE: You suck...SO hard! RAJ: Come on! I didn't want anybody to feel bad at the end of the game. And some of those puzzles were really hard and I didn't know who was going to get Penny. PENNY: (readying the farm implements) Run...run to India. RAJ: (running for his life) I just wanted to do something beautiful! SHELDON: (coming up the stairs with his coin) Hey, look! I won! Who were the real winners? Not the customers at The Cheesecake Factory, who had to endure Howard and Amy singing Cherry, Cherry
4The Raiders Minimization
10 Oct 2013Description ▼
Ah, the familiar strings of the theme to. It rated a "good" from Amy. Which of course meant Sheldon was about to have a conniption. (AMY: When you said I was going to be "losing my virginity," I didn't think you meant showing a Raiders of the Lost Ark movie.) Still, Amy thought it was quite entertaining, "despite the glaring story problem." Sheldon thought that was so cute, given he watched it 36 times, except for the snake scene and the face-melting scene, and thought there was no way there was a glaring error. (SHELDON: Here's my jaw. Drop it.) And she does: Indiana Jones had no direct influence on the outcome. If he wasn't in it, it would have evolved the same way. (I'll give you a minute to think about that.) Not convinced? According to Amy, the Nazis still got the ark, still would have taken it to the island, and still would have died when they opened it. (Hmmm, now there's some water cooler talk for the morning...except in Chicago, where we'll be talking about the Bears beating the Giants. :-D ) AMY: (reaching for Sheldon's jaw) Let me close that for you. Penny and Leonard meet in the lobby. Leonard went to the comic book store alone because Sheldon and Amy were having a date night and he didn't want to make it awkward. (LEONARD: They have each other for that.) At school, Penny picked up a book for her Psych class Leonard may not like: The Disappointing Child. Yup, by Dr. Beverly Hofstadter. Full of every horrible story from his childhood. (PENNY: Cool! Are there pictures?) There are chapters about potty training, bedwetting, and masturbation. (LEONARD: Basically, if something came out of me, she wrote about it!) There's even a chapter on "the breastfeeding crisis." Apparently, Leonard favored the left one. (PENNY: Oh, my God! You still go left!) Raj and Stuart were trying to upgrade their online dating profiles, and Howard's answer to the survey question about the celebrity Raj looks the most like? (RAJ: And thank you! I'd kill for that woman's bone structure.) Sheldon decided he would get back at Amy by reading. He planned to ruin it for Amy. (HOWARD: Because her life wasn't enough?) Sheldon explains Amy's reasoning, and now the movie is ruined for everybody. Not even Leonard reasoning Indy and Sallah having the medallion to make the correct-sized staff helped. His smiling needed work. A lot of work. Not to mention his one-word description for the profile: unobjectionable. Raj mentioned his parents' money for his best feature, so he was set. And as if Leonard wasn't having a bad enough day, Penny insisted on knowing why a five-year-old would put on makeup and wear balloon boobies. (LEONARD: They were muscles! And the make-up was green. I wanted to be.) He wanted to smash his way out of the house to get away from her experiments, like the Easter egg hunt with no eggs...which he finished in June. Penny wants to make him feel better but there really wasn't anything she could do. OK, there were a few things she could do, and Leonard certainly wasn't going to argue with her on it. (LEONARD: Just to warn you, I'm gonna go right. Don't make a big deal out of it.) Stuart was about to take his picture for his dating profile, and Raj thought makeup would help him not look like a body they just pulled out of the river. His smiling needed work. A lot of work. Not to mention his one-word description for the profile: unobjectionable. Raj mentioned his parents' money for his best feature, so he was set. They post their profiles, and their profiles are actually being read. RAJ: (pauses) When they read your profile, does it seem like you're exposed, like they're seeing you naked? STUART: Well, they're not running away screaming, so no. wasn't going to work for Sheldon because it was too well-written, so he goes for another of Amy's favorite pasttimes: the Marmaduke comic strip. (SHELDON: A family has a dog so large and poorly-trained and he causes them nothing but problems. Why are they keeping him?) But Leonard figured they fell in love with Marmaduke as a puppy and didn't realize how big he'd get. (SHELDON: Why couldn't she just love Ziggy? That thing's riddled with plotholes.) He thought he would try Garfield, only one look at the lasagna-eating cat and he was hooked himself. Sheldon asked Leonard for advice on Amy. SHELDON: Can you think of anything she's fond of that has a bunch of flaws she hasn't noticed? LEONARD: (tempting...tempting...) I gotta go. And the place Leonard went was to watch a football game at a sports bar with Penny. Leonard didn't want to go, mainly because he is teased for thinking Quidditch is a sport. Penny wants him to go, but he was too depressed to do it. Penny thinks it's about the book and she decided they didn't have to go if it was. (LEONARD: It's TOTALLY about my mom.) So instead of going to the sports bar to watch the football game, they ordered takeout and watched the blu-ray of with extended scenes and commentary track. Apparently, playing the sympathy card is working quite nicely for Leonard, given the booty call Penny paid him at work. And Howard is impressed. Leonard explained Penny did anything she could to make him feel better whenever he mentioned his mother or her book. He admitted not being proud of it, but it does work. (LEONARD: I got her to watch a six-hour documentary on Monty Python ! Even I was bored; I just wanted to see if she would make it to the end.) And of course Howard, being Howard, decided he would try to play the sympathy card with Bernadette, staying quiet at dinner and saying how sad his childhood was, but Bernadette wasn't taking the bait. Howard tries to press the issue but she still wasn't fooled. He confessed seeing Leonard play the sympathy card with Penny and wanted to try it himself. Nope, he still had to do the dishes while she took a bath. Sheldon calls Amy to invite her over to watch, which was Amy's favorite show as a child. Which sounded lovely to her...only they were on videochat and she was suspicious of him rubbing his hands together. Sheldon and Amy's date was on. Sheldon started by saying the log cabin they lived in was illegally squatting on Indian land. And Laura Ingalls eating a peanut butter sandwich was a bit on the anarchronistic side, given peanut butter wasn't invented until the 1900s. Amy confronted him for trying to get back at her for what she said about Raiders. Amy said if he was upset, he just had to tell her instead of seek revenge. SHELDON: Are you sure? Every time my dad stayed out all night, my mom put hamster poop in his chewing tobacco. Amy assured him she wouldn't do that, so Sheldon admitted she ruined the whole Raiders franchise for him. (SHELDON: Except for the fourth one, which was bad before you got your mitts on it.) Amy apologized and Sheldon felt better. (SHELDON: Except to tell you your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. He's a cat; he doesn't have a job.) Leonard goes over to Penny's, and she's dressed in a little something from Victoria's Secret because she heard he was feeling bad about his mom lately. (Yeah, you know what's coming.) And she had a solution. DR. BEVERLY HOFSTADTER: (over videochat) I understand you've been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend. PENNY: (mad as hell) Bernadette told me everything, so now you don't get the left or the right! (storms off to her bedroom) DR. BEVERLY HOFSTADTER: Now let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life. When you were six years old, you walked in on your father and me naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping pong paddles. How did that make you feel? LEONARD: Penny come back! I'm really sad now! Oh, Raj and Stuart's luck with online dating? Zip. (STUART: I've never felt this rejected, and I had a rescued dog run back to the pound on me.) They figured they were better off getting rejected at the bar. RAJ: (after being rejected at the bar) I was wrong, this is worse. And the guys still couldn't come up with a way Indy was involved in the movie, not even giving the Ark to the government, given it was supposed to go to a museum.
5The Workplace Proximity
17 Oct 2013Description ▼
Penny thinks it must be date night for Sheldon and Amy at the Cheesecake Factory, given the awkward silence, no touching, and Sheldon immersed in his mobile phone. But there's a little sex involved: Sheldon was looking up the phallic symbolism of vegetables in Renaissance paintings...or looking up cuticle scissors on Amazon, whatevs. PENNY: (sarcasm) How do you not want to rip off his clothes and take him right here on the table. SHELDON: (to Amy) You do that and I'll scream. Amy did have some good news. She was to consult on an experiment at the university for a few months so she could have lunch with Sheldon and even carpool. Sheldon thinks it's great, particularly since Leonard doesn't like playing car games. Amy, however, is concerned, that she shouldn't "defecate where one eats." (SHELDON: My father used to say that all the time. That, and "who do one have to orally gratify to get a drink around here?") Amy explains the idiom, which is to not have a romantic relationship at work. Yes, Sheldon was surprised. (SHELDON: That is why I have never voided my bowels in this or any other restaurant.) Amy was relieved, and Sheldon was about to be even more relieved. SHELDON: (going to the bathroom) It's a brave new world, little lady. Howard was on Amy's side about being cautious, but Raj admitted his parents met in the workplace. (RAJ: What started as a pap smear turned into a date, which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which turned into hate that continues to this day.) Leonard was good with it, since next time Sheldon got conjunctivitis, she could be the one to hold his head and put the drops in his eyes. Howard doesn't think he could spend all day with someone then be with them at night. Raj said that's what they do. (HOWARD: Yes, and it drove me into the arms of another woman.) Sheldon figures whatever time they have at work he'll deduct from their weekly quota. (LEONARD: Please let me be there when you tell her that.) Over at Penny's, the ladies were having a similar discussion. Amy talked about her experiment, which Bernadette had done previously...on humans instead of monkeys like Amy will. (BERNADETTE: You mean like death row inmates with nothing to lose? Why no, that would be unethical.) But this time, Penny is able to keep up with their conversation. (PENNY: That's right; my phone's as smart as you guys!) Sure enough, Sheldon knocks in only the way he can and tells Amy she can't work there. But Amy already took the job and cashed a check for it. (SHELDON: You are not going to come out of this looking good.) Sheldon explains Howard told him how tough would it be for him if he had to work with his significant other. No, Bernadette did not take that well. (SHELDON: Don't be insulted. He just thinks too much of you would be mind-numbingly tedious.) Penny defended Amy, saying Sheldon couldn't tell her what he could and couldn't do, despite Penny telling Leonard last week he couldn't go to the mall with his Wookiee jacket. Amy said they would be in different buildings, so they wouldn't have to see each other. AMY: I'm a scientist. I'm just there to do my work, and with a little luck scare the crap out of some monkeys. SHELDON: Are you sure your moth-like personality will not be drawn to this blazing fire that is me? AMY: More and more sure. Over at Leonard and Sheldon's, Howard was trying to get out of what he said...and thanks to Sheldon not backing him managed to put his foot further down his throat. He finally tried honesty, saying if they worked together and lived together they might get sick of each other. (SHELDON: But to be fair, he only said the part about getting sick and tired of you.) Yup, he was Raj's houseguest tonight. (SHELDON: If it makes you feel any better, Amy and I are fine. I mean reallly good.) The next day at the university, Leonard wanted to know how the pajama party went. But Raj insisted they were only hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough, and watching. HOWARD: Would you please stop talking! RAJ: (channeling his inner Westley) As you wish. Howard was quite ticked off for Sheldon not backing him, but Sheldon was taking Howard's advice to keep his relationship with Amy professional as she came in for lunch at the cafeteria. (LEONARD: You're taking relationship advice from a man who spent last night braiding Raj's hair.) Sheldon looks over at Amy's table as mistakes her laughing and talking to her colleagues as loneliness. He goes over and is introduced by Amy to Dr. Gunderson, who is from Sweden. (SHELDON: Ah, home to my favorite Muppet and my second-favorite meatball. OK, the Nordic reputation for no humor is well-founded. What, is his name Gunderson or No Fun-derson?) And it actually goes downhill from there as Sheldon gives every last detail about his boy-girl relationship with Amy that nobody actually requested. SHELDON: OK, here's something new to our relationship. We apparently kick each other under the table. How would you like it if I did it to you? (and does) Amy is in her lab showing pictures to a capuchin monkey to see where their level of fear is at. Frenchman on a bicycle with baguettes...OK. A sousaphone...fine. A crocodile with a bunch of capuchin monkeys in its mouth...a little harder to take. For Sheldon, too, as he comes in to try and get a ride home from Amy. Of course, she's still ticked at him for making fun of Gunderson earlier. (SHELDON: Maybe your friend Gunderson needs to head over to Ikea and assemble a sense of humor.) Amy is upset for embarrassing her in the cafeteria, but Sheldon being Sheldon he doesn't see it. She told him to get out...and the image of a woman giving birth was bad for both Sheldon and the monkey. Sheldon finally made it home on the bus, although he fell asleep on it and ended up in the Little Sri Lanka section of Los Angeles. Asking some Sri Lankans on the bus about his issues with Amy only got him some mutton and coconut milk to bring home. Sheldon told Leonard and Penny that Amy was acting very strangely and still couldn't believe she thought he embarrassed her. LEONARD: Sheldon, I've known you a long time, and I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can muster. Amy's right, you're wrong. SHELDON: But you don't... LEONARD: Don't have to. SHELDON: You're not listening to my side of it. PENNY: OK, Sheldon. What is your side? SHELDON: Well... PENNY: Nope, gotta go with Amy on this one. Over at Raj's, Howard and Raj finished dinner and were playing the latest Batman game. Bernadette stopped by and admitted she may have overreacted earlier and Howard agreed he could have handled things better. Given how much Howard hangs out with his friends during the day and then at night as well (even getting a couples massage with Raj), Bernadette was upset Howard didn't want to spend time with her. He apologized and promised he would make her his #1 priority starting tomorrow. Oops... BERNADETTE: Tomorrow? HOWARD: Well...we're really close to finishing this new Batman game. Bernadette storms out and Raj suggests he go after her. HOWARD: (calls into the hallway) Should I go after you? BERNADETTE: No! Sheldon knocks on Amy's door and tries to explain that all relationships are difficult. "But even moreso when you're in with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And who, quite frankly, can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo." AMY: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo. SHELDON: I wasn't speaking about me. Yes, he was still in full denial, thinking Amy gets ticked at the littlest things and that ethnic humor is still the funniest. But he tells her they were a couple and he likes her for how she is, quirks and all. She admits she likes him, too. SHELDON: Well, I hope so. I don't see anyone else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense. Amy slams the door in his face, and Sheldon STILL hasn't figured it out. But Penny did talk to Leonard, who promised to straighten out Sheldon and Howard. Or, they could just sit around and bust balloons skeet-style with a laser from work.
6The Romance Resonance
24 Oct 2013Description ▼
No talking to Sheldon ; he's in the Zone. He doesn't even know how he got to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner with everyone else. But he had been in the zone several times lately, such as figuring electron transport in graphene or who could be in his tree fort if he ever built one. (Amy didn't make the cut for some reason.) Howard and Bernadette finally arrive. Bernadette was late from work because a strain of virus jumped from raccoons and could now affect humans. (BERNADETTE: In the pharmaceutical business, we have a saying: mo' virus, mo' money.) While she washes her hands (which hopefully don't have the virus), Howard has an idea to celebrate the anniversary of his first date with her. He wants to write her a song and asks the for gang's help on it. Everyone thinks it's a great idea and volunteers. Leonard certainly likes the idea of Howard making a song for Bernadette, and Penny wonders why Leonard didn't do anything romantic to celebrate their first date. Given how many times she dropped him, there were several to choose from. He then turned the tables on her and asked what romantic things she's done for him. PENNY: (very offended) I can name tons... LEONARD: Sex doesn't count. PENNY:...oh. But Penny accepts the challenge and promises to "romance Leonard's freakin' ass off." (LEONARD: That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?) Sheldon is really in the zone. In fact, he hasn't said a word in hours. Deciding safety was more important than peace and quiet, Leonard asks if he was still there. Sheldon told him to prepare to be humbled and weep at the glory of his genius. (SHELDON: It's like my mind had a baby, and it's beautiful. Not like human babies which are loud and covered in goop.) Sure enough, on Sheldon's whiteboard, he had invented a method for synthesizing a new heavy, stable element. SHELDON: (doing a dance) SHELDON AND HIS BRAIN, YEAH! SHELDON AND HIS BRAIN, YEAH! SHELDON AND HIS BRAIN, YEAH! LEONARD: Nope, definitely better when he was quiet. Howard consults with Leonard and Raj on playing Bernadette's song with him. Leonard will have his cello (although he still can't make that cool) and Raj will do some shredding on his ukelele. (RAJ: I'll melt her heart...AND HER FACE!) Sheldon was ecstatic; there was a team at a university in China already doing tests on his method. (SHELDON: They called it the greatest thing since the Communist Party. Although I'm pretty sure the Communist Party made them say that.) Penny called Raj to consult with him on how to do something romantic for Leonard. She had really been struggling with it. But Raj knows the quickest way to a man's heart is through his... PENNY:...pants, but Leonard says sex doesn't count. RAJ: (sympathetic) Poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver and you just can't use it. Raj suggested cooking a romantic dinner, but Penny wasn't much of a cook and Leonard was a bit of a picky eater. She's managed to burn a few things and leave a few things frozen (sometimes the same thing). He then suggests he always had a thing for dancing, the sexual tension between his partner and him. But his father wouldn't approve until he sees them at the big dance club. (PENNY: So what else would you love, other than being lifted over 's head?) Raj also suggested she could play one of Leonard's favorite songs on a boombox outside of his window. (Yes, that's from ). RAJ: (embarrassed) I'm a lonely guy, I watch a lot of movies. Sheldon invites Amy over to start archiving all of the items he was using when he discovered his synthesizing method, since he was certain the Smithsonian would like to put them on display. That includes the Handbook of Chemistry and Physics where he looked up the chemical reactions of...uh-oh. Sheldon realized he made a horrible mistake, confusing square centimeters for square meters. His formulas were off by a factor of 10,000. But the method worked, so he was right...albeit a bit lucky. SHELDON: Sheldon Cooper does not get lucky! AMY: You and me both, brother. Amy thinks it doesn't matter because the element was still found by the Chinese based on his work, but Sheldon can't handle the fact the greatest scientific achievement of his life was based on a blunder. To him, it was almost like being a biologist. Now if you think Sheldon is insufferable when he tries to take credit, you should see him when he is given it when he thinks he doesn't deserve it. Forget the cheering at work, the large government grant the university just received, and don't mention the big raise he got. He wanted to erase it like it didn't exist. LEONARD: I don't think there's anything you can do. Once it's out there, it's out there. This thing is like the scientific equivalent of a sex tape. SHELDON: Frankly, I'd prefer a sex tape. LEONARD: You don't know what a sex tape is, do you. SHELDON: No. The gang arrives the restaurant and even Penny thinks Howard is being so romantic. Leonard teases her about someone doing something so romantic. PENNY: (annoyed) You know what isn't romantic? Rubbing it in someone's face. LEONARD: Actually, it can be but I told you sex doesn't count. Amy actually agrees with Sheldon that he doesn't deserve the credit for the new element. All he did was misread some numbers on a table, and an easy one at that. SHELDON: (touched) That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. PENNY: Dammit, everybody is better at this than me! Of course, Amy was using a bit of reverse psychology to be invited into the tree fort, but there was a bigger problem right now. Bernadette was quarantined in the hospital. (BERNADETTE: When you're moving a dozen vials of raccoon virus, it's best to make two trips.) It was simply as a precaution, but Howard decided that a sealed room wasn't going to stop his surprise for her. Everybody brings the keyboard to the hospital (Sheldon against his wishes, natch), and he sets up to sing Bernadette the romantic song he wrote for her. (You'll have to YouTube it, but trust me it's worth it.) And Bernadette absolutely loved it. BERNADETTE: (in tears) Howie, that was amazing! Look, I'm shaking! SHELDON: She's sick. I knew it! Bye! (runs away) Back at home, Leonard compliments Penny on her Ramen Noodles. (The secret is the flavor packet, BTW.) But Penny said it was just the beginning, because there was a crapstorm of romance heading his way. She made a trail of rose petals (shocked at how expensive they were), she had even made the bed in her bedroom, and she got Leonard a gift. A first edition of. But Penny started to panic, despite what the book says, because she found it at a vintage book store the same day Leonard spotted one, and....yup. He already had it. (People hate to buy DVDs for me for the same reason.) Penny was beside herself because she still couldn't compare to all of the things Leonard did for her, like the plane ticket he bought her when she couldn't afford to fly to see her parents at Christmas, a rose he left on her windshield for no reason, a thank-you letter Leonard gave her for sleeping with him (11 pages). And Leonard couldn't believe she saved all of those things. Yup, it was incredibly romantic. LEONARD: (looks in the box) Is that a pregnancy test? PENNY: Just the first one. I didn't save them all. BTW, Sheldon finally figured out why he read that table wrong: Amy had been distracting him. In fact, she had been distracting him ever since he met her. All he can think about is how much he wants to kiss her. And not on the cheek. On the mouth...like Mommies and Daddies do. SHELDON: (back in reality) Amy, didn't you hear what I said? AMY: Can't talk. In the zone.
7The Proton Displacement
07 Nov 2013Description ▼
When is Sheldon's favorite time to shop at the drugstore? When the shelves are restocked. Seriously, he's like a kid in a candy store. (SHELDON: Look, a new topical histamine with lidocaine! I can't wait until I get a rash!) But his day was about to get better, as he spotted Arthur Jeffries...aka Professor Proton...waiting in line for his prescription. So naturally, Sheldon has to go pester him. Sheldon figures Dr. Jeffries doesn't remember him because of his advanced age, but he did. Sheldon introduces Amy as his girlfriend, who is happy to see him...and even happier she's wearing the same orthotic shoes as him. Then Leonard reluctantly introduces himself. (ARTHUR: I remember your girlfriend. Is she here?) Sheldon wants to know what prescription he's getting filled, but then he tries to guess. SHELDON: Give me a hint: does it involve difficulty initiating a stream of anything? ARTHUR: Given my age, that's more than a lucky guess. At the university, Howard finds out Raj will be joining Penny, Amy, and Bernadette for ladies' night. Howard wants to do something with him because the ladies would be making jewelry all night, but that was apparently Raj's idea. Leonard gets an email from Arthur asking for his help regarding an experiment using nano vacuum tubes. Sheldon's even more excited, though. He got two emails from Arthur: one asking for Leonard's email and one telling him that he got it. Sheldon is upset Arthur picked Leonard over him but Howard didn't think it was anything he should cry over. Sheldon claimed he didn't cry. (HOWARD: That's true. You don't cry; you rust.) Well, to be sure, he does pout and brood. And Amy still had to serve him the obligatory tea for when someone is upset. Then she asked him if he thought about why Arthur didn't ask him to participate. Amy suggested Arthur may have found Sheldon...a bit much. Sheldon thinks that's baloney because he's mastered the big three in social skills: the coy smile, the friendly chuckle, and the vocalization of sympathy. (He was still working on that last one.) Still, Amy thought she saw Arthur's reasoning but decided not to push it further. SHELDON: Go ahead, say it. The words I've heard all my life. Say it. I'm annoying. I'm annoying. Where are you going? (starts chasing her) Come on, you know you want to say, so say it. I'm annoying. Say I'm annoying. Say it, Amy. Say it! Thankfully, Amy had her ladies' night to go to, where she could make and wear jewelry that for once didn't list her allergies on them. Penny, on the other hand, was having trouble with the glue. Turns out she missed a few days of pre-school to date a 2nd grader. Howard comes in but was already told by Bernadette he couldn't make fun of Raj so he promised he wouldn't joke about the things Raj found fu-uhn. (There's a certain you have to think about there.) Howard was quite impressed with the things Penny, Amy, and Bernadette were making. (Well, Amy and Bernadette; Penny was just making a mess.) But Howard suggested they could make awesome jewelry if they learned how to use a soldering iron, which he happened to have. Raj doesn't want to (mostly out of being upset with Howard), but Amy and Bernadette thought they would give it a try. Sheldon went to Professor Proton's house to apologize, but he accidentally woke him up. At 7:30 in the evening. Amy pointed out to Sheldon he may have been annoying to Arthur. (ARTHUR: She sounds like a keeper.) But Sheldon does apologize for it and Arthur accepts it. Of course, now that they've "cleared the air," Sheldon wants in on his project because he think he can help Arthur because so many people think he's a washed-up has-been. Or dead. (ARTHUR: I should be so lucky.) Arthur decides to stick with Leonard. SHELDON: It's because I'm annoying, isn't it. Say it, Arthur. Say I'm annoying. Say it. Say it. (gets the door closed in his face) Say it, I'm annoying. Say it. Say it. ARTHUR: (opens the door) You're annoying! SHELDON: Well, that hurt. In fairness, Leonard was still a big fan, saying if someone had told him as a kid he'd be working one day with Professor Proton, he wouldn't have believed it. (ARTHUR: If someone had told me people would still call me Professor Proton when I was 83 years old, I would never have quit smoking.) And now it was time for Sheldon to seek payback, as he was also spending his day with a beloved children's show host. But Bill was a fan of Arthur's, too, say his show wouldn't have happened without him. (ARTHUR: That's what I told my lawyers!) Leonard was upset Sheldon did this, but Bill thought he was teaching a class. No, he was teaching someone a lesson, according to Sheldon. Still, Bill thought the experiment on nano vacuum tubes was quite fascinating. ARTHUR: Haven't you stolen enough from me? Back off, bow tie! Back at Penny's, she had mastered the art of making earrings. Or finding them on sale at Target. Raj was making a necklace for his mom because she was having problems with his father. Then Howard stopped by to "help put the Jew back in jewelry." (BERNADETTE: Oh, sure, it's fine when you say it.) Howard had a fun time last week, so he picked a few things up from the lab to help them. Such as a crucible, some silver, and an acetylene torch. He could even use human hairs and the hydraulic press at work to form diamonds. It's what he did for Bernadette's engagement ring. (Didn't use his mother's back hair, otherwise the diamond would be much bigger.) Raj wasn't liking the lack of attention. He was upset Howard always made fun of him for it and now he was here ruining it for everybody. (PENNY: Raj, cool it! He's going to make us hair diamonds!) Howard claimed he was just joking around, but Raj admitted it hurt sometimes. Howard apologized and they made up. AMY: They're going to have sex before Sheldon and me. I knew it! Arthur was enjoying working with Leonard, but he wondered why Leonard put up with Sheldon. He said they were friends, but Arthur wanted to know why. (LEONARD: Wow, you really ask hard questions.) Leonard knew Sheldon could be difficult but he wasn't doing it on purpose. And he also says Sheldon is loyal, trustworthy, and they have a lot of fun together. ARTHUR: You do know you're describing a dog, right? LEONARD: Well, he did bite me once. But in his defense, I did come up behind him while he was eating. Sheldon is the smartest person I've ever met, and he's a little broken so he needs me. And I guess I need him. ARTHUR: Why's that? LEONARD: Wow, you really won't let this go, will you. Raj stopped by Howard's to give him a little make-up present for the way he acted. It was a Star Wars light saber belt buckle. That even lit up. Howard thought it was awesome...and then he saw the one on Raj's belt. (RAJ: Check it out. You could wear yours and we can have little swordfights whenever we want!) Arthur decides to go to the apartment and hand his paper to Sheldon so he could assess it. (Although by the time he got to the third floor, he was starting to see a white light.) Turns out Sheldon hacked into his email account already and read it. And despite Sheldon mocking him for having such an easy email password, he did find the paper inspiring. He invited Arthur in for some tea. Arthur turned it down...and then he saw Penny. ARTHUR: I guess one cup wouldn't hurt. So...you have any...single grandmothers? PENNY: Sorry, they're both married. ARTHUR: Oh. (pause) Happily?
8The Itchy Brain Simulation
14 Nov 2013Description ▼
How many of you have noticed the dartboard on Sheldon and Leonard's front door? They only played darts on it once...and broke a window. 90 degrees to the right of the dart board. Anyway, Sheldon was going to head to the arcade to cash in the skee-ball tickets from three years ago. Leonard found them in the box where he keeps all of his junk, like the ridiculously ugly itchy red sweater with "Lenny" sewn on it from his aunt. (She gave his brother a car.) Leonard also found a DVD he forgot to return and asked Sheldon not to get upset when he confessed he rented it on Sheldon's video store card. Sheldon didn't get upset. Even Penny was creeped out by his lack of reaction. But it turns out it was getting to Sheldon, given how much he liked things to stay in order. It was an itch in his brain he couldn't scratch. Leonard suggested a coat hanger like he used when he broke his arm and the cast itch, but Sheldon was not amused. He thought Leonard should walk a mile in his shoes. Metaphorically, since Leonard had the feet of a toddler. Sheldon proposed Leonard wear the itchy red sweater with nothing underneath until he returned the DVD to the video store and paid the fine. Leonard agreed and went to pay the fine. That is, until Sheldon informed him the video store went out of business years ago. SHELDON: How are those nipples feeling, Chief? At the Cheesecake Factory, Amy and Bernadette waited for their drinks while Penny spotted Lucy, Raj's ex-girlfriend. Penny went to her and asked her why she broke up with Raj. Or more importantly, why Lucy broke up with him in an email. Lucy was hoping to get another waitress, but that wasn't going to work. She wanted answers because Lucy seemed to be acting OK while Raj was at home a blubbering mess. AMY: We're never getting are drinks, are we? BERNADETTE: Yeah but we knew that. Add Raj and Howard to the list of people who think Leonard is an idiot for keeping the red sweater on. Leonard claims he was trying to prove a point. (HOWARD: Is the point that you're an idiot?) They want to know how he'll return the DVD. Leonard figures he'll go on Monday to look up the owner's name and address and send him the DVD and fine. The rest of the weekend will be spent scratching his back against the post because of the itchy sweater. Back at Penny's, as Bernadette and Amy feasted on what little food there was in the apartment because they never got their meals at the Cheesecake Factory, they told Penny she was wrong for telling Lucy Raj was depressed and lonely. Penny thought he would appreciate she had his back. Naturally, she was wrong and Raj went ballistic. (RAJ: Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of just being pretty sure!) But then Raj got a text from Lucy saying she wanted to meet with him. RAJ: (hugging Penny) I LOVE YOU, PENNY!!!!!!! Leonard's search for the owner of the video store was in vain. He had died. He figured he could take the sweater off since he had no other option...apart from getting some skin lotion for the insanely red rash all over his chest and back. But Howard thought he could find the owner's next-of-kin and give them the video and money back. Sheldon thought that would work, much to Leonard's anger. Oh, but it gets worse. The man had no next-of-kin; a fact Leonard discovered when he spent 8 hours at the man's funeral and was the only one to show up. That was it, the sweater was coming off. But it still got worse. It turns out Sheldon paid the fine for the movie...which was if you didn't think Leonard had suffered enough...long ago and kept the DVD just to have as a "teachable moment" that he would bring out some day and use on Leonard. This was apparently that day. Leonard couldn't even speak, just throwing out the sweater, and applying some frozen vegetables to his nipples. AMY: Sheldon, that was diabolical. SHELDON: I know. And it wasn't easy. Have you any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're going to get satisfaction? Raj finally met Lucy for coffee. Despite Howard's and Bernadette's worries about him playing it cool, he's able to talk to Lucy and see if she wanted to still be friends...or maybe more. But it turns out Lucy was already seeing someone else. Back to Raj again hating Penny, who tried to make it up to him by introducing him to someone she knew from work. And that worked...not so well. Raj couldn't believe she didn't have a boyfriend...accusing her of lying, in fact...and begged to be the "other guy" in her relationship. PENNY'S FRIEND: (to Penny) What is wrong with you?!? PENNY: (to Raj) What is wrong with you?!? RAJ: (to himself in the mirror) What is wrong with you?!?
9The Thanksgiving Decoupling
21 Nov 2013Description ▼
Sorry, Penny, but you can't argue with the math. Sheldon has it on his whiteboard. It is scientifically impossible to tip a cow. Of course, whether it's scientifically possible to tip a Penny depends on many factors, not the least of which the amount of alcohol she's consumed. Howard stopped by and told the gang his mother invited all of them over for Thanksgiving dinner, speaking of sides of beef. They're a little hesitant, particularly since Bernadette's father would be there and they still don't get along very well. Sheldon protests because they typically eat at their place and he spends all night criticizing Leonard's cooking, and he wants that tradition to continue. But peer pressure finally made him cave. (SHELDON: OK, but if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined and it's on you.) Sheldon says now he knew how the African slaves felt, much to Amy's anger. But Penny thought a fun Thanksgiving could be had anyplace, given she went to Las Vegas one year with Zack. They gambled, had a great turkey dinner (at a strip club) and even went to one of those little chapels to have one of those "silly fake weddings." Whoops. PENNY: But it didn't seem real. SHELDON: Let me ask you something. At any point was Las Vegas on its side? On the drive over, Leonard badgered Penny to get her to fix it. Probably because she married Zack on a whim whereas she shot down Leonard's every attempt to do the same. Which was pretty obvious even without Sheldon pointing it out. And that was actually an improvement over him calling himself a slave for going to Thanksgiving dinner. Amy did some research and discovered a marriage could be annulled if it wasn't consummated. (SHELDON: HA HA! Penny? Next!) Or perhaps evidence of fraud, bigamy, or want of understanding. PENNY: "Want of understanding?" What does that even mean? AMY: Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! Mike Rostenkowski arrives at the house with beer for everybody...well, now it was. He had hoped for a nice quiet day to watch the football game. MRS. WOLOWITZ: HOWARD, THE MEDICINE IS NOT WORKING!!! HOWARD: You just took it five minutes ago. At least let it reach YOUR FIRST STOMACH!!! Mrs. Wolowitz's gout was acting up and her little toe was hurting...probably being crushed by the rest of the barn. Thankfully Raj was already there. (RAJ: It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food.) Bernadette wants Howard to go bond with her father. After all, he likes his son-in-law. (BERNADETTE: I do crap for you all the time. Get out there!) It went about as well as you may have expected. Even Howard making jokes about his mother didn't help. Although the bottle of wine Penny already opened was certainly helping her with the crap she was taking for marrying Zack. Fortunately, this meant Amy could help Raj with things...like get items on high shelves and keeping Bernadette away from the marshmallows. He told the two of them focus was key, but that pretty much went out the window when Amy spilled the news about Penny and Zack. And Leonard, despite getting all the documentation Penny would need to get the annulment, she was tired of him talking about it and walked out of the house. SHELDON: I don't know the first thing about women, but I would not follow her. MIKE ROSTENKOWSKI: (pushing Leonard from blocking his view) Listen to Stretch. One could certainly understand Penny hating Leonard right now, given he thinks he's the victim in all of this. (HOWARD: Sounds to me like Zack's the victim here; you're sleeping with his wife.) And Mike was trying to watch the game, wondering how they couldn't get a first down. SHELDON: (deadpan) They passed against a nickel defense. They should have run off-tackle. MIKE: (shocked) How the hell do you know that? SHELDON: My father loved football. He always made me watch it before I was allowed do my Calculus homework. Suddenly Mike found someone to bond with. Enough to get Penny and Leonard out of the room, given Penny invited Zack over to sign the papers. Penny told Leonard she invited Zack (to the shock of everyone eavesdropping in the kitchen) because Leonard wouldn't shut up about her getting married. (RAJ: My, my. The plot, like my gravy, thickens!) Thankfully, this gave Mike a chance to hear how Howard loved a good blitz with some sour cream. (It sounds like blintze...work with me, people!) After Sheldon got back from the bathroom...which was filled with clown figurines and certainly explains why everyone has a hard time going in there, Mike talked to Sheldon about the '93 Thanksgiving game when Leon Lett dropped the football and let the Dolphins beat the Cowboys. Mike was so mad, he wanted to shoot his TV. (SHELDON: So was my dad. And then he did.) Mike wanted to know if Sheldon's father still lived in Texas, but Sheldon told him he died when he was 14. MIKE: Sorry to hear that. SHELDON: So was the man who owned the local liquor store. He cried and cried. Mike realized Sheldon never would have had a beer with his dad, although Sheldon's dad did try to give him one at high school graduation...when he was 11. Mike thought it was time for Sheldon to share a beer and get the experience he never got with his father. HOWARD: (meekly) I never had a beer with my dad, either. SHELDON: Do you mind? We're having a moment here. Howard went into the kitchen to lament that Sheldon and Mike were bonding over a beer and didn't want him around. Raj, Amy, and Bernadette were willing to listen...until Zack arrived. Then they couldn't get away from him fast enough. Zack was actually pretty cool about stopping by since he didn't have anything else to do and he thought he should be with family on Thanksgiving. And since he has one...well, suddenly he wasn't so sure about signing it. ZACK: I just think splitting up can be rough on the kids. PENNY: We don't have any kids. ZACK: Are you sure? Because you didn't know we were married until this morning. Penny thought he knew it wasn't real because they were married by an Elvis impersonator. (ZACK: Yeah! We couldn't afford a real Elvis!) Leonard couldn't believe she married him, but now Penny wanted to rip Leonard a new one for constantly being in her face all day about this. ZACK: Not cool, bro. I'm starting to think you're not the kind of guy dating my wife. LEONARD: Well yeah, she not going to be your wife for long. ZACK: Oh, my God. Are you dying? Meanwhile, Mike and Sheldon were hammered, and Mike couldn't believe Sheldon was going to go 3.14159 when he said he was going to burp pi. HOWARD'S MOTHER: DID SOMEBODY SAY PIE?!?!?! MIKE: I don't know what's scarier; the bathroom clowns or the woman who put them there. SHELDON: All I know is, you could only fit one of her in a car. (enter Howard) And there's the clown that came out of her!! Sheldon and Mike toasted the best Thanksgiving they've had in years, but Bernadette had had enough from the both of them and demanded they apologize to Howard. (SHELDON: She's so tiny! It's funny when she's mad!) But Amy insisted he do so. SHELDON: Perhaps you're right. I apologize for my behavior. I've had alcohol and it's caused me to be inappropriate. (points to Amy) Ain't she great? Now how's bout you get us a couple of beers! And smacks Amy on the ass! (yes, she liked it) Everyone had a great dinner. Leonard and Penny made up, and Zack admitted he was a terrible husband because he was never around. Mike wanted to throw the ol' pigskin around with Sheldon, but since it was a Jewish house, Sheldon figured they didn't have any. (HOWARD'S MOTHER: DID SOMEBODY SAY PIGSKIN!?!?!?!) But Mike said he could do a lot worse for a son-in-law than Howard, which Howard thought was the nicest thing he ever said to him. (MIKE: Well, I'm drunk.) But Sheldon seemed to be getting better. SHELDON: (happy) I just threw up on a bunch of clowns.
10The Discovery Dissipation
05 Dec 2013Description ▼
Sheldon's discovery of a stable superheavy element has been the bane of his existence because of the accidental way he discovered it. Certainly a radio interview with on NPR's Science Friday felt like torture to him. Flatow called it the "wonder blunder," that Sheldon made this discovery despite the math being so far off. (SHELDON: Could we talk about something else? Did you know that I yodel?) Ira thought Sheldon could be on his way to a Nobel Prize for Chemistry despite being a physicist. SHELDON: (rips off headphones) It's because of bullies like you that every day, more and more Americans are making the switch to television! President Siebert wasn't happy with Sheldon, but Sheldon complained Siebert was the one to force him to do it in the first place. And of course, nobody can believe Sheldon can't handle his newfound fame. Amy tried to point out that doing radio interviews could help raise the university's profile and raise money, but Sheldon insisted he was not a trained monkey dancing for coins. LEONARD: Of course you're not. People love trained monkeys. PENNY: How can you not be happy? You're tall, thin, and famous. (realizes) Oh, my God. I'm jealous of Sheldon. Over at Howard and Bernadette's, they were getting the apartment clean because Raj had to stay over while his building is being tented. Of course, Howard left out the little part where Raj would be staying for a week...and bringing Cinnamon over. Meanwhile, Sheldon has his trains out and is running the Embarrassment Express...with stops at Fraudville, WonderBlunderburg, and Kansas City. (It's a hub.) Amy brings over to talk to Sheldon. Wil knew what Sheldon was going through, given how much hatred there was for Wesley Crusher on. Of course, Sheldon couldn't figure out how anybody could have hated Wesley Crusher, but Wil had gone on interviews where he was treated very badly simply because of Wesley. But he learned to live with it and moved on to a lot of things he likes to do. Sheldon said that helped and invited Wil and Amy to play trains with him. But he would be the conductor while they got to sit there silently and watch. Can't even blow the whistle, no. Bernadette got home late, but the guys chose to wait for her to have dinner. Whatever it was she was making. Not the sort of thing Bernadette wanted to hear after working so late, but Raj played peacemaker and got her a glass of wine and offered to cook dinner because she looked tired. (HOWARD: Ah, she always looks like that.) Bernadette started telling about how bad traffic was...only to have Howard interrupt her and insist she put that traffic app on her phone. But Raj said he should listen, just like he listened to Howard when he complained earlier about eating too many jelly beans. He even rubbed Howard's belly. (HOWARD: I thought of you the whole time.) On the good side, Sheldon was on-board with doing interviews and even told President Siebert he could thank Wil Wheaton for it. And he'd even add Siebert to his list of friends, which stood at 9. Ten if you counted Wolwitz. Then Leonard came in, and not knowing Sheldon had now decided to embrace his celebrity, told him he ran an experiment that disproved Sheldon's new element. Apparently, the Chinese added some simulated signals to the data to fake the research. No more attention for Sheldon that he hated. SHELDON: So no more interviews? I can't believe it. (livid) You've robbed me of my greatest achievement! I'm back down to nine friends! Make it eight, I'm sick of Wolowitz, too! Leonard couldn't believe it, given Sheldon had done nothing but complain about this discovery since making it. Penny came in at hearing them argue. Sheldon explains what Leonard did, and Penny thinks he must be thrilled. SHELDON: That's it, I'm down to seven friends! PENNY: (to Leonard) He's counting Hobbits and superheroes, right? Sheldon didn't want the element, but now that Leonard took it away, he really wanted it back. LEONARD: IT NEVER EXISTED! I didn't take it away, SCIENCE took it away! Be mad at science! SHELDON: Don't you DARE use science against me! Science is my best friend! (realizes) Oh, good, I'm back up to eight. Penny actually sided with Sheldon on that one. It was like dating someone you weren't really into, but then they break up with you and you want them more than ever. (SHELDON: I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about, but we're ganging up on you, so I agree.) Leonard said he had to publish his findings, otherwise someone else would do it. Sheldon issued a retraction...the first one he's issued since he was a kid and had to concede his brother was the best ninja in Texas...and it was the perfect opportunity for Barry Kripke to meet his new favorite superhero: The Retractor! Kripke thought Sheldon might be better working in retail than physics. He could take things back for a living. Leonard tried to put a stop to it, but Sheldon insisted he fight his own battles. And he came back at Kripke's speech impediment. Kripke was really hurt by that, so Sheldon retracted it. KRIPKE: Yes you do because you're the Retractor! Raj was still being the ultimate houseguest, even cleaning all the dishes. Which Bernadette knew because she had seen Howard using his keys to open a bagel rather than wash a knife. He even brought everyone coffee...well, Bernadette got a latte, Howard got hot chocolate...and Raj even wished Bernadette luck on her presentation. Which Howard didn't. Once she left, Howard confronted him about making him look bad. (HOWARD: Doing dishes, getting her coffee, knowing about her life? Who does that?) But Raj thought he had come a long way given he was an only child raised by an overprotective mom. And tells him this while straigtening out his clothes, buttoning his shirt, and even smoothing out his eyebrows. (Yes, by wetting his thumb and running it across.) Oh, Raj wasn't done. Another big dinner and even saying Bernadette was looking too skinny lately. Bernadette wondered why Howard didn't say sweet things like that. (HOWARD: What about last week? I asked if you were wearing Spanx and you weren't?) But Howard insisted she could do more, like the lunch Raj packed for him with a note that said "go get 'em?" They started arguing, and Raj immediately tried to play peacemaker. Howard admitted he was feeling like a lousy husband and Bernadette said she felt like a lousy wife. Then they figured it out: it was Raj's fault. HOWARD: You made us feel like we're not trying hard enough! BERNADETTE: Yeah, we were totally fine half-assing our marriage until you showed up! RAJ: Look, I'm sorry that you're upset with me, but I just have to say it's nice to see the two of you on the same page. HOWARD: (to Bernadette) Yeah, it does feel good you're backing me up for once. BERNADETTE: (pissed) I back you up all the time! HOWARD: When we...he's doing it again! BERNADETTE: What's wrong with you! But Raj could crash at Leonard and Sheldon's, except he left Cinnamon's brush behind, so they'd have to share. (PENNY: Bark once if you need me to call PETA.) Sheldon comes in with a full head of steam, already thinking Cinnamon will cause another getting out of her cage and he even turns down Amy's offer to take a walk in the park. (SHELDON: Everything is just sex with you, isn't it!) Raj intervenes, telling Sheldon Amy can only be there for him as much as he's there for her. And he tells Amy she shouldn't pressure Sheldon into accepting intimacy on her terms. AMY: You should probably go. On Ira Flatow's Science Friday, Leonard came in to discuss how he disproved Sheldon's discovery, but Sheldon insisted on telling the tale himself, even though Ira wanted to hear it from Leonard...and didn't actually invite Sheldon to be on again. PENNY: (listening to the train wreck on the radio with Amy) You know, if we did a shot every time they said something embarrassing, this would be one helluva drinking game. AMY: It's a little early for alcohol, isn't it? SHELDON: (on radio) You know, I just don't say smart things about science. I can yodel. (and does) AMY: I'll get the vodka.
11The Cooper Extraction
12 Dec 2013Description ▼
Penny and Amy were having a lot of fun skiing using the X-Box. Yes, you read that right. Penny had to step in for Leonard, who twisted his ankle. (LEONARD: I cannot walk into that ER with another videogame injury.) Sheldon didn't feel like playing because he had to go to Texas. His sister was about to have a baby and he had to be there. Everyone thought it was so cool they'd be hearing the phrase Uncle Sheldon soon. (SHELDON: I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.) He had to fill in for her husband, who was in a motorcycle accident...lucky duck. Amy offered to drive him to the airport, but he didn't want to be an inconvenience. SHELDON: Chop chop, Leonard! We leave in ten minutes. With Sheldon gone, they could decorate the tree any way they wanted. No ornament spacing template, and Star Trek and Star Wars ornaments could even go on the same branch. (LEONARD: Welcome to Thunderdome, people!) Howard never decorated a Christmas tree before, and Raj thought Howard's mother would have a heart attack if she saw her little Bar Mitzvah boy decorating one. Naturally, Bernadette has to send her a picture. Stuart also came to enjoy the fun with everyone, or avoid his traditional Christmas suicide attempt, it could go either way. Sheldon called on Skype to say hi. SHELDON: The second I go out of town, you throw a Christmas party without me? That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best. Unfortunately, Missy's birth had a few...changes. For starters, she was having it in her mom's house. Raj thought it wasn't a bad idea to have a birth in a safe, nuturing environment. Which Sheldon agreed to...until the bedroom floor was turned into an amniotic slip-n-slide. As Sheldon went to take a family picture (mostly before the blood messed up the shot), Bernadette brought for everyone to watch. Penny wondered what it would have been like if Sheldon hadn't been born. LEONARD: (knock-knock-knock) What do you think? (knock-knock-knock) What do you think? (knock-knock-knock) What do you think? But Amy pointed out had it not been for Sheldon, all of them would not be hanging out together or even dating. AMY: None of you would have met me. You (Howard) would not be dating Bernadette. You (Leonard) would not be dating Penny... Which Leonard denied because he had been going to the Cheesecake Factory before Sheldon and could have picked Penny up. After all the laughter died down, Penny told him exactly how that would have gone...
12The Hesitation Ramification
02 Jan 2014Description ▼
Dinner at the apartment is a nice thing. It would be even nicer, according to Amy, if they actually conversed. But Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj would rather text on their phones. Penny has great news. She got a role on NCI...I...NC-STD...the one with all the letters. She gets to be in a diner scene and flirt with. (RAJ: He's a dreamboat.) Although needy Leonard thinks it's better when things are left to the imagination. AMY: (to Sheldon) He's wrong. At the Cheesecake Factory, Raj wonders why he can't get women when he has a dog and men with dogs are three times more likely to get dates. Letting Cinnamon lick peanut butter off of his tongue might be why, but at least that's sure to get him a date with Howard's mother. Which Sheldon doesn't find funny. Although he thought his joke about Howard's mother is so fat, she decided to go on a diet or exercise...or both...was. (The whole scene was painfully awkward and me explaining it isn't going to help.) Suffice it to say, Sheldon needs to explore how to be funny. SHELDON: Leonard, do you think I'm funny. LEONARD: Noooo. Do you? SHELDON: I think I'm hysterical. LEONARD: I take it back; that WAS funny. Sheldon decides to develop a unified theory of comedy, thinking he can get anybody to laugh at any time...except for Germans, since that's a tough crowd. LEONARD: Are you set on people laughing with you? Because if you're cool with "at" you...) SHELDON: (long pause) I don't get it. The dog theory actually worked, given an attractive girl introduced herself to Raj while he was walking Cinnamon, until he asked her if it was easier if they just sniffed each other's butts. Howard suggests if he was too intimidated talking to attractive women, he should try with a regular woman. (RAJ: You mean like fatties and uggos?) Howard suggested he practice talking to anyone at the mall so cute girls wouldn't be as intimidating. Everyone gathered for Penny's night on, and Leonard was so proud of her. (LEONARD: You're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes a lot of guts!) Unfortunately, he spoke a bit too soon. Penny's diner scene with Mark Harmon was cut. She couldn't understand why, she thought she had done a really good job. She walks out of the apartment. SHELDON: I've been studying comedy, and they say comedy equals tragedy plus time. (checks watch) Let's go tickle some ribs. Apparently, it was worse than just getting the scene cut. Penny's father wanted to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass, all of her relatives gathered to watch it with a six-foot sandwich, and they ever got her brother a day pass from rehab. (PENNY: And now he's missing, the sandwich is missing, they think he went to Mexico.) Leonard tries to comfort her, saying she did get the part, but Penny was hoping this was finally her big break and that she'd get more auditions and roles. LEONARD: You only had three lines; I don't think that was going to happen anyway. Oops. Penny took that exactly like you think she would: not well at all. She thought Leonard didn't believe in her. Leonard tried to backtrack, saying he didn't really mean that. PENNY: I want you right now to give me your honest 100% opinion. Do you think I really have what it takes to make it as an actress? LEONARD: Yes PENNY: So you think I'll be on TV and in movies and win awards? LEONARD: Honestly? PENNY: Yes, honestly. LEONARD: Uh...I don't. Penny was livid. Leonard said she was talented and beautiful, but wasn't L.A. full of actresses who are talented and beautiful? (LEONARD: We'll come back to that.) He tried to say that no matter how much talent she had, being a success in Hollywood was still a million-to-one shot. And she went to her bedroom and locked the door. LEONARD: I should have let Sheldon come. Unfortunately, he was busy studying that the element of surprise can be quite humorous. Amy happened to agree since patients with lesions in their pre-frontal cortex...(SHELDON: BRAIN LESIONS!!!)...well, that actually scared Amy. (SHELDON: Maybe you have a stick up your pre-frontal cortex.) Amy thinks it's absurd that Sheldon could come up with a unified theory of comedy...although him dropping his pants and showing off his tighty-whiteys to Amy was a bit humorous. Stuart and Raj head to the mall to talk to regular girls. One tiny little problem with the experiment: all the women look pretty to them. And in the case of Stuart, even the 91-year-old grandmother with the cane. Several hours later, they were down to contemplating practicing on department store mannequins. (RAJ: Nah, they're dressed too stylish. They're probably stuck up.) But they wait for someone to pass by they can talk to. Yes, the mall closed and they were still there. STUART: You know, those two guys on the bench look kind of pathetic. Maybe we can talk to them. RAJ: That's a mirror. Meanwhile, Sheldon tries a few funny words on Amy, like kumquat ( liked that one) or ointment. Then Sheldon wanted to know if ointment was more funny, less funny, or equally funny to kumquat. (AMY: I don't think I want to go out with you anymore.) Given he plans to go through the entire dictionary to find which words are funniest, you can sort of see her point. Penny, you may have guessed, was not in a good mood, and seeing other actors on shows and commercials made her mad. Even the guys rocking out in a band with erectile dysfunction ticked her off. Leonard stopped by to apologize. He told her he thought she could make it and even got her an audition for the new Star Wars movie. Which she was excited about...until she realized it was an online PR stunt that anybody could do. But Leonard thought she had an advantage because she was an actual actress. LEONARD: Most of the people doing this are just weirdos and nerds. Wolowitz sent his in two days ago. PENNY: (ticked off) Let it go. LEONARD: OK, maybe it is a longshot, but sometimes longshots pay off. Luke Skywalker was only given one chance to destroy the Death Star. He had to get a torpedo into an exhaust port only two meters wide. But with the help of the Force, he...wow, I can FEEL you hating me right now. Amy leaves Sheldon behind and goes to have dinner with Howard and Bernadette. Her "enough" line came when Sheldon started a knock-knock joke with "knock-knock-knock-AMY, knock-knock-knock-AMY, knock-knock-knock-AMY..." Bernadette suggested Amy just fake a laugh and be done with it. Which of course got Howard concerned she had faked it with him. But he figured he would know the difference. (BERNADETTE: I don't think you would.) And if you think this was a good opportunity to play out the "I'll have what she's having" scene from...well, you would be correct. HOWARD: (meekly) Yeah? Well, I fake my orgasms. A drunk Penny goes to Leonard, who apparently can only afford 3 long-stemmed roses, and apologizes for calling his audition for the new Star Wars movie idiotic. (Well, she meant to do that earlier.) Leonard repeated that she would make it, but she was upset she blew what she thought was her one chance to make it and she had been out in L.A. for ten years with nothing to show for it. Leonard said at least she had him. PENNY: You're right. I do have you. (long pause) Let's get married. She wasn't kidding. She got down on one knee...very carefully...and asked Leonard to marry her. LEONARD: Umm.... PENNY: Did you seriously just say "umm..."? What, you don't want to marry me? LEONARD: No, I love you, but you're drunk right now and... SHELDON: WHO'S IN THE MOOD TO LAUGH?? Leonard told him it was a bad time, but Penny was already out the door. SHELDON: So a sandwich, a rabbi and yo momma walk into a bar... Later that night, Leonard was up late and Sheldon asked why he wasn't sleeping. Leonard told him about turning down Penny's marriage proposal. SHELDON: Does that mean the relationship is over? LEONARD: I don't know. SHELDON: Why don't you ask her? LEONARD: Because I'm...afraid to know the answer. SHELDON: Well, I'm sorry. LEONARD: That's it? Not going to make some dumb joke or some inappropriate comment? SHELDON: No. You're my friend, and I'm sorry. (pats him on the back) LEONARD: Did you just put a "kick me" sign on my back? SHELDON: No, that wouldn't be funny at all. (removes it) We do get to see Howard's audition tape. He senses Vader...on this moon... BERNADETTE: Why can't you replace the toilet paper when it's empty? HOWARD: I'm in the middle of something. BERNADETTE: So am I!
13The Occupation Recalibration
09 Jan 2014Description ▼
Last week, we left off with a drunk Penny proposing to Leonard and he hesitated. He thought she would break up with him, but we'll hold off on that because Sheldon has an even bigger problem. The university wants him to use his vacation days! The horror! While he went off on his usual tangent. SHELDON: Oh, this again! So Penny proposed, you didn't say yes, and you think you may have lost her love forever. How does this compare to me being forced to relax for a few days? LEONARD: (ready to kill him) IT DOESN'T!!! SHELDON: Thank you! While Sheldon goes to put on his pajamas and read a book to contend with his 'nightmare', Leonard goes to talk to Penny. (LEONARD: If you're going to break up with me, just say it. I take it back, don't say it! Just hate me but stay with me. It worked for my parents.) She thanked him for turning her down. And once he was done crying, she admitted she felt so frustrated that her career was going nowhere, and Leonard promised to support whatever she would do. She was considering quitting the Cheesecake Factory and concentrating on her acting career. Leonard thought that was a big decision and thought before she made any rash decision... PENNY: I already quit. LEONARD:...and I support you! After Leonard left for work...and made Sheldon stay on the stairs and not follow him (yes, like a dog)...Bernadette went to the comic book store, much to the shock of Stuart. But not because she was a woman; that any customer would show. She accidentally destroyed one of Howard's comics and had to get it replaced. (Bat-Man got his ass kicked by her curling iron) She needed it replaced right away so Howard wouldn't be proven right about being more careful with her curling iron (for her very straight hair), and she was willing to hook him up with some anti-depression medications if he could work fast. But Stuart was good in that department (perhaps a bit too good). Stuart did find a copy at Capitol Comics, only the guy there was a real jerk and was always putting Stuart down. But Bernadette still wanted the address. Stuart figured he could go there and make sure she didn't get ripped off, even though he would lose business...never mind. Howard and Raj go to Amy's lab to see if she was free for lunch. Given her only plans would have been with the vacationing Sheldon, she was in. But one of her colleagues from the Geology department, Bert (who looks NOTHING like the guy who wanted to horn in on Raj and Lucy's date at the library last season [/sarcasm]), wanted to give her a piece of rare quartz he found. Right away, Howard and Raj correctly guess Bert likes her, and the fact he brings her a pretty rock every day did sort of clue her in. She denies he's her boyfriend. RAJ: Are you sure? He's tall, pale, and awkward. Sounds like your type. AMY: Should someone as lonely as you really be making fun of me? Howard thinks Bert might be hitting on her because he didn't know about Sheldon, so Amy figures she has to let the guy down gently. RAJ: And does Sheldon know you're dating Sheldon? AMY: And I'm sorry, who are YOU dating? Sheldon, still whimpering on the stairs because Leonard told him to stay, perked up (yes, the way you think) when Penny let him go run errands with her. (PENNY: Come on, boy! Come on! Get in the car!) At the cafeteria, Leonard was telling the guys (with Amy substituting for Sheldon) that Penny really quit the Cheesecake Factory but he supported her 100%. LEONARD: She's a great actress and I'm proud she's taking this risk. AMY: (touched) That's nice. LEONARD: You bought that? Great! Now I gotta call her before I forget how I said it. He finds her at the Cheesecake Factory. LEONARD: You got your job back. That's great news. I didn't want to say anything, but I think that is the right choice. I mean, to put yourself into debt right now would be literally insane. PENNY: Yeah, I'm just returning my uniform. LEONARD: (foot deeply in mouth) And I support you! Sheldon's attempts at meditation over his iPhone failed because breathing in and out seemed too obvious. Penny returned to the car rather ticked off and without Sheldon's lemonade. (SHELDON: A fitting swan song to your career as a waitress: to forget my order one last time.) Penny asked him if quitting her job was a mistake. Surprisingly, Sheldon said it wasn't. He said the best way to achieve a goal is to dedicate 100% of your time and energy to it. He did it when he decided he wanted to be a physicist, even when Ms Pierson wanted him to be chalk monitor. Which helped her a bit, but she couldn't understand why Leonard couldn't see that. SHELDON: Because he's not like us, Penny. We're dreamers. PENNY: Yeah, I'm going to have to start cracking a window when I leave you in the car. Bert stopped by, and Amy stopped him before he could invite her to a rock and mineral show in Santa Monica by telling him she had a boyfriend. But he figured that's what all women say because he had an off-putting personality. (AMY: That's not true. My boyfriend has an off-putting personality, too. Like, way worse than yours.) But Bert wasn't buying that. He thought he was a monster, which guilted Amy into saying she'd go to the rock and mineral show with him. Naturally, he was elated he had a date. AMY: (shocked) No, it's not. BERT: Too late! How to tell someone she wasn't interested? She needed some experts in the field. Yes, Howard and Raj. They were even both rejected by the same counter girl at Starbucks. Amy thought she had no choice but to be honest. (RAJ: You can't do that. He'll be so upset, he'll climb up the Empire State Building and start swatting at planes.) They volunteered to do the dirty work for her. RAJ: So we tell him she's a lesbian? HOWARD: Of course we tell him she's a lesbian! Capitol Comics looked just like Stuart's comic book shop...with more comics, sci-fi memorabilia and actual customers. Even Bernadette was impressed. Jesse, the owner, sounded like that arrogant douchebag kid whose parents were rich and he liked to remind you of that on a daily basis. He commented on how gray Stuart's skin had gotten and sympathized with Bernadette for thinking she could get a comic in Stuart's store. But it was a nice store; even Captain Sweatpants was there. ("Free popcorn") Jesse offered Bernadette a coffee and Stuart directions to the nearest soup kitchen. That crossed the line for Bernadette, who gave Jesse both barrels and chose not to buy the comic book from him. She leads Stuart out of the store. STUART: You know, Jesse, I have something more important. Friendship! (turns away) Which I would trade in a heartbeat for all of this. Bernadette came back later to berate Jesse more for insulting Stuart. Yes, she bought the comic book. And had a cappuccino and a chocolate chip scone. (they didn't have blueberry) Penny actually convinced Sheldon to do some yoga to relax, mainly because he thought she said Yoda. But Sheldon was on board. Shame they would not get as good as some yogis who have such control over their bodies, they could actually take in water through their genitals. (SHELDON: It seems like a good way to drink a milkshake without getting brain freeze.) Leonard comes in and wonders how she convinced Sheldon to do yoga, but unlike Leonard, Sheldon supports her. Leonard tries to explain he supported her, even though he pissed her off on the phone earlier. LEONARD: Fine, I'm not sure you should have quit, but if you care so much about it, why didn't you ask me before you quit? PENNY: (livid) Now I need your permission to quit my job? Would you have asked me before you quit your job? LEONARD: Yes! I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we make decisions together. But if I'm wrong, maybe we need to talk about the kind of relationship we're actually in. PENNY: Well, maybe we do! SHELDON: I'm in if you guys are. Sheldon, clearly not getting the fact that Penny and Leonard are trying to plan their own lives together and refusing to give them some privacy, demanded to know where their relationship was going, if they were going to get married, and if so where would the three of them live? Neither Penny nor Leonard knew how it got off on this tangent, but to refocus, Penny admitted what she was doing could be reckless but she had to take her shot. SHELDON: No kidding! Despite what it says on her resume, she is no longer 22! Leonard again tried to say he was on Penny's side but she wasn't buying it. Nor was Sheldon. LEONARD: I could never do what you're doing. I would be terrified. My point is, just because I couldn't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't, and I am so proud of you. That helped. Penny thanked him, and Sheldon thought they should celebrate with a milkshake. (SHELDON: Penny, you'll need a straw.) Well, Raj and Howard did tell Bert about Amy...and now they were his date for the mineral and rock show.
14The Convention Conundrum
30 Jan 2014Description ▼
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj were at the ready. The anticipation was killing them; Leonard had butterflies. (SHELDON: Don't go soft on me, Hofstadter; I'll slap those glasses right off your face!) Penny came for coffee and asked what they were doing. Leonard explained they were trying to get tickets for Comic Con and all of them were trying to get in the virtual line...(SHELDON: GOOD LORD, THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR FLIRTING! Keep it in your pants.) The ticket window opened, and... THE GUYS: (enthusiastic) REFRESH! REFRESH! REFRESH! (after the commercial break) THE GUYS: (not-so-enthusiastic) refresh...refresh...refresh... PENNY: Yeah, this is not going to be enough coffee. Only Leonard managed to get in a queue and was 15,000th with only Thursday and...sorry, only Sunday tickets left. And then those were gone, too. Sheldon actually cried. (PENNY: This is really sad...and in a different way than it was 20 minutes ago.) And after all the time all four of them worked on their Hulk costumes (really? Howard was going to be the Hulk?) the guys were depressed. But Sheldon gathered himself and decided he was going to start his own convention. Of course, he could have bought scalped tickets like the other guys planned, but Sheldon was afraid of getting caught by the Comic Con Police and be banned for life. (SHELDON: You're going to feel pretty silly when you're 80 years and have to drive me down there and then sit in the car for three days.) The guys weren't convinced Sheldon could pull off his own convention. SHELDON: You know, there was a time when Comic Con didn't exist at all, until one lone dreamer with a unique vision made it happen. And you mark my words: I'm gonna rip that guy off. He could certainly try, although getting wasn't going to happen. Sheldon couldn't even get because Wil thought he wasn't a big enough star to carry a convention on his own. (that, and he had to shampoo his beard that day) This in spite of the fact it would be at a Marie Callender's and every panelist would get a free slice of pie. As for getting,, and, he would need Leonard's help; the restraining orders were quite detailed on Sheldon not talking to them. Penny relays the story of Comic Con to Amy and Bernadette, unable to grasp how the guys could spend so much money on tickets. Even though she spent even more on a dress the other day, but in her defense that dress could get her into a lot more places than just Comic Con. It baffled Bernadette, too, given she had to advance Howard some of his allowance and good luck getting him to pick up his toys now. AMY: Why can't they do something sensible like Sheldon and start their own comic book convention? (pause) Also, who would like to throw me out that window? Bernadette thinks they should counter their Peter Pan syndrome by going out and doing something grown up, like go to a museum. Penny was on-board going anyplace grown up...other than a museum. Bernadette knew of an afternoon tea a local hotel had, and the ladies agreed. Penny was even going to put on clean underwear...once she got some from Target. While the guys decided to change their costumes from the Hulk to the Fantastic Four (the Invisible Girl is standing right next to them, they swear), Sheldon had a plan for snagging a huge guest for his convention. Surprisingly, it didn't involve duct tape or chloroform: it involved doing some research and finding out that would be dining at his favorite sushi restaurant tonight. Leonard begged Sheldon not to stalk James Earl Jones. He wasn't going to, and the guys should have been more concerned about being arrested for theft for buying scalped tickets. After all, Sheldon planned to warn James Earl Jones about the dangers of posting his location on Twitter; there are some weirdoes out there. As the guys waited for the scalper to arrive...and contemplated he might be coming to steal their money or their kidneys or make suits out of their skin... Penny, Amy, and Bernadette discovered the afternoon tea at the hotel was really designed for the younger crowd. About 6-10 years old, perhaps? PENNY: I can't believe we thought this would make us feel grown up. BERNADETTE: I can't believe the waiter thought I was your daughter. But Amy's tiara was turning a few heads, and it was like the tea party she held with her hamster, teddy bear, and Raggedy Ann. Until her hamster ate all its babies. (AMY: It got less cute really fast.) James Earl Jones meeting Sheldon was as scary as you would think. JAMES: I've been in other movies, but you don't care about those, do you. (Sheldon nods) I've only got one thing to say to people like you...I like Star Wars, too! James invites Sheldon to sit down. Sheldon explained Leonard thought he would be a creepy stalker if he bothered James, but James thought Leonard was a real weenie for saying that. (SHELDON: He is, Mr. Earl Jones! He is!) Back at the apartment, the guys were waffling about getting the scalped tickets, given Sheldon was right about people being arrested over it. (RAJ: If I go to jail dressed as the Human Torch, that might send the wrong message.) Suddenly, Leonard says that they always chicken out at the last second, that they're so afraid of getting into trouble, they never do anything wrong. Even Bat-Man breaks the rules. (RAJ: You know I struggle with Bat-Man.) Sheldon was slowly discovering James, as fun and as friendly as he was, was a bit...out there. When he read the script for and found out Vader was Luke's father, he thought they were lying. (SHELDON: Me too!) But the night was still young, James' wife was in New York, and he had a residual check burning a hole in his pocket. Sure enough, they hit an ice cream parlor, go on a Ferris Wheel, and they even sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight at a karaoke bar! SHELDON: (at the top of the ferris wheel) Hey Los Angeles! I'm on a Ferris Wheel with Darth Vader! And he's nicer than you think! JAMES: I AM! The ladies find the bar in the hotel for some more grown-up drinks. And a good philosophical question from Penny: when did they start feeling grown up, since Penny didn't feel that way? Laughing at seeing an old man slip and fall the other day wasn't making her feel grown up at all. Bernadette admitted she didn't feel like much of a grown-up herself even after getting married. Of course, getting her wardrobe from Gap Kids didn't help. As for Amy, she found it hard to feel like a grown-up when she hadn't ever been with a man. PENNY: OK, sex is not what makes you a grown-up. BERNADETTE: Yeah, otherwise you'd be the oldest one here. PENNY: (pissed off) Really? That's how you talk to your mother? They finally concede the guys have the right idea. They were probably doing something way cooler. Well, if you count them turning off the lights and hiding from their scalper cool... As for Sheldon and James Earl Jones, then end the night in a sauna after playing Ding-Dong-Ditch at 's house. (CARRIE: It's not funny anymore, James!) Sheldon finally tells him about not getting tickets to Comic Con, and James invites all the guys to be his guests. After all, San Diego is just across the border from his favorite city on Earth: Tijuana! But given Sheldon asked how much it was to get the strippers OFF of his lap, he wasn't up for it. JAMES: So is on my shoulders and is on 's shoulders. And remember, we do not have permission to be in this pool. Hey Sheldon, wake up! And is about to sic the dogs on us, and I go under the water and Marlon goes under the water, and the water raises about 2 feet and sloshes over the patio and the dogs freak out and run like hell and then we run like hell. Oh, that was a lot of fun! SHELDON: Who's Angie Dickinson?
15The Locomotive Manipulation
06 Feb 2014Description ▼
Just like the President has a State of the Union address, Amy and Sheldon have a State of the Relationship forum. And Sheldon hasn't held up his end of the bargain coming up with a pet name for Amy. (Flaky, Gollum, Princess Corncob, and Fester were rejected.) Amy saved the worst for last, according to Sheldon: Valentine's Day. But Amy had an idea. AMY: I propose we spend a weekend at a bed-and-breakfast in Napa Valley. SHELDON: I hate every word in that sentence. Including "in", "at", "we", and "a". But Amy had this covered. Howard and Bernadette would be joining them so he wouldn't have to eat breakfast with strangers, he would have his own room, and it doesn't have a claw-foot bathtub to allay his fears of bathing inside of a monster. Best of all, they'd be going on a vintage train. An ALCO FA-4 diesel locomotive leading a train of restored 1915 Pullman luxury coaches. SHELDON: Wow, I feel like hugging you. (closes his eyes) and 1...and 2...alright, Gollum, we're good. Raj asked Leonard and Penny to take care of Cinnamon because he had Valentine's Day plans. And since there was no way Penny could say that without it sounding insulting, they took him while Raj went to make observations on the telescope at work. Leonard and Penny were just going to have a quiet weekend and exchange gifts. Penny got Leonard some flowers and candy, while Leonard got her a beautiful jewelry box. CONTAINING LAKERS TICKETS! (OK, that doesn't sound as good given their record, but Penny was all for it. Seriously, they had to play a guy who had fouled out last night.) They enjoy a lovely evening, although Penny drew the line at having sex on Sheldon's spot (didn't she propose that the first time they went out?). Off they go to the bedroom, and despite Raj begging them to let Cinnamon watch so one of them saw some action that night, Cinnamon stayed out in the living room and ate the chocolate candy. Leonard and Penny return and discover this. They immediately take Cinnamon to the vet. Sheldon was quite taken by the restored Pullman luxury coach. He liked it. (SHELDON: I'm prepared to say I love it as soon as I confirm there are no hobos on board.) They sit down for dinner, but Sheldon needed to know if the train had the original link-and-pin coupler or the Miller hook & platform? Their waiter didn't really know, but someone at the next table did. It was neither: it was an AAR-E coupler. Which, according to Eric, you could tell by the click-psssshhh-thunk when the locomotive disconnects from the other cars. Suddenly, Sheldon has a companion to talk to at dinner. He goes to join Eric, who does imitations of trains like Sheldon. (BTW, kudos to Sheldon for muting the whistle on the Amtrak Wolverine coming into Chicago; it travels underground like a subway the last mile and change.) Eric had been on many trains since a box fell on his head at UPS six years ago and he just rides them while collecting disability. (SHELDON: Wow, your life is amazing.) Amy was depressed, as you could imagine. Bernadette goes to take care of it. (HOWARD: Just make sure it looks like an accident.) Bernadette tells Sheldon to go back and be with his girlfriend. Sheldon admits he was being insensitive so he goes back to the table. And brings Eric with him. BERNADETTE: Great. Now there's two of them. Leonard and Penny were not fans of the vet, Yvette, for letting Cinnamon eat the chocolate, particularly when Leonard found out Penny got them free with the flowers at a gas station. (Although in her defense, gas is a lot more vaulable these days than Lakers tickets.) Raj arrived and was out of his mind. (RAJ: If she needs new organs, I'll buy any dog necessary and scrap them for parts!) Thankfully, Cinnamon wasn't throwing up, so Yvette could take her in the back, put her on fluids, and give her something to get rid of the toxins. Raj asked Yvette if she could sing Katy Perry to Cinnamon. (not Fireworks, though) Sheldon joining everybody else at the table didn't mean he'd pay any attention to them. He continued his conversation with Eric, oblivious to the fact he was ticking off Amy, Bernadette, and even Howard. Eric tells him they could visit the engine room, and Sheldon wishes this day would never end. (AMY: It's feeling like it never will.) Back at the vet, Raj was still upset with Leonard and Penny, but Penny promised they weren't away from him very long. Although Leonard thought they were. Well, however long 9 minutes is, Yvette came back and told Raj that Cinnamon would be fine. He asked if he could visit her so she knew he was there. (RAJ: Yes, I sleep with my dog and sometimes we spoon.) Yvette could sympathize, as she slept with her dog as well. She took Raj to the back, grateful neither Leonard nor Penny owned a pet. And she did sing Katy Perry to Cinnamon and thought she crushed it, despite what the parrot said. Leonard and Penny weren't happy with each other, but at least they saw that Yvette was interested in Raj. Amy was getting more and more depressed. And Howard and Bernadette getting romantic with each other really wasn't helping. Sheldon finally returned, happy that he had the same pocket watch as the conductor. And the conductor was going to come to the B&B to play his banjo as soon as he was done with work. That was the last straw. Howard and Berndadette high-tailed it to the car with the glass roof, and Eric took the hint after Amy told him to get lost. Sheldon gets upset with her for being so rude. She gave Sheldon both barrels about him acting rude, but Sheldon wasn't sure how he was being rude since he never spoke to her the entire trip. She said they were supposed to be having a romantic Valentine's Day weekend, but Sheldon countered by saying the trip would be something they could both enjoy. SHELDON: Did you mean that, or were you just trying to trick me? AMY: (defeated) Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen. SHELDON: Well, if you want romance, then let's have romance! Oh, look! There's wine! (takes a sip) Grape juice that burns! Now let's gaze into each other's eyes. (gets close and stares into her eyes) You blinked, I win! Let's see what's next. Oh, kissing's romantic! Then Sheldon puts his lips on hers...AND STAYS THERE. Even leaned into it and put his arms around her. And stayed close to her after it was over. AMY: (totally shocked) That was nice. SHELDON: (equally in a fog) Good. Sheldon then asked Amy if she wanted to join him in the locomotive, since the conductor was going to show him how to put the train through a crossing. She agreed. ERIC: Hey, guys! Wait up! It turns out Leonard and Penny were right about Raj and Yvette. Yvette wrote on Cinnamon's prescription that she dreaded Valentine's Day and thanked him for spending it with her. And gave Raj her phone number. (RAJ: If I knew it was that easy, I would have considered poisoning you months ago!) Meanwhile, Sheldon returned and Leonard asked how the trip went. SHELDON: Wonderful! I made a new friend who likes trains as much as I do, I kissed Amy on the lips, and the conductor played his banjo for me. Leonard wanted more details, and Sheldon gave him more about each. LEONARD: Hang on. Are all those things equal to you? SHELDON: (thinks) It never occurred to me to pick a favorite. I can't answer that without collecting more data. LEONARD: (proud) Additional data. You dog! SHELDON: I'm not sure how listening to other nine-fingered banjo players makes me a dog, but alright.
16The Table Polarization
27 Feb 2014Description ▼
Penny sitting on the floor during dinner makes everyone in the gang think that Leonard and Sheldon should invest in a dining room table, that is except for Sheldon, despite they having unused space for one and only because it is change which Sheldon does not like. Despite Sheldon being against getting one, Leonard, on Penny's urging to stand up for his rights, decides to buy one anyway, although he does keep in the back of his mind what he thinks Sheldon would or would not like, if he was to like anything. The resulting dining room table in the apartment ends up being a metaphor for Sheldon's current life. Meanwhile, Howard gets a call from NASA asking him to go back to the Space Station, about which he is thrilled. Bernadette is less than excited by the news, if only because of her remembrance of how miserable Howard was during his last space experience. Will the thought of the thrill of space travel trump Howard's memory?
17The Friendship Turbulence
06 Mar 2014Description ▼
Bernadette is tired of Sheldon always putting Howard down. Sheldon, in response, says that Howard started it ten years ago when they first met, those insults which still haunt him to this day in tangible ways. As such, Howard decides to try and bury the hatchet with Sheldon by extending a peace offering. Howard has to go to NASA in Houston, and invites Sheldon along as his guest. Sheldon ultimately accepts. However, Howard may regret doing so when Sheldon continues to degrade Howard in ways he isn't even aware he is doing. Is there any way that Sheldon and Howard can truly stop their insulting the other? Meanwhile, Penny has decided to decline a movie role that she believes is beneath her, a move with which Leonard does not agree, as he believes Penny's first priority should be to make money. Penny comes to a crossroads in the decision of her current career path, with which Leonard tries to be supportive in any way he can. And Raj returns to the online dating world, with a little help from Amy. Her efforts end up with unexpected results.
18The Mommy Observation
13 Mar 2014Description ▼
Howard and Sheldon have had a successful trip to NASA in Houston, both getting along with the other. Their next stop is to visit Sheldon's mother, who he has not told he is coming. Sheldon ends up getting a bit of a surprise upon his arrival at his mother's house, a surprise which he wishes he didn't get. Sheldon has to figure out how he will deal with this surprise, both outwardly and internally. Meanwhile, back in Pasadena, Leonard, Penny, Raj, Amy and Bernadette are trying to figure out what to do for the evening when Stuart arrives unexpectedly. Within a few minutes, Stuart collapses on the ground and dies. Or at least he does in Raj's scenario of his murder-mystery night. The other four aren't too thrilled about Raj's unmentioned plan for their evening. As they progress through the game, a hypothetical in the game turns into a deeper discussion about their future.
19The Indecision Amalgamation
03 Apr 2014Description ▼
Penny returns from what she believes was a promising audition for a role she actually wants. Her anticipation turns to disappointment when the telephone call she receives is the offer once again for the cheesy horror movie role she was earlier offered but turned down since she thought it was beneath her. Although she asks Leonard for advice about whether to take the horror movie role, Penny may get the most useful advice from someone's who been there: Wil Wheaton. Meanwhile, Raj runs into Emily, the woman he met online, with Amy being the intermediary in their one and only face-to-face encounter. Despite that first date being a disaster, Raj is able to convince Emily to give him another chance. Immediately following, Raj receives a message from Lucy, asking to meet. Raj has to figure out what to do about his upcoming date with Emily considering Lucy's message. Sheldon is having a major conundrum about whether to purchase a Xbox One or PS4 as his next gaming system. This dilemma by ...
20The Relationship Diremption
10 Apr 2014Description ▼
Leonard, Howard and Raj are all excited by what the primordial gravity wave discovery means for the scientific community. Sheldon, on the other hand, is not excited. Leonard figures out the reason for Sheldon's indifference: he's jealous, especially as his own life work in trying to prove string theory is no closer to being accomplished than when he started twenty years ago. After a comment by Kripke, Sheldon begins to wonder if string theory can ever be proved, and thus if he is wasting his time working on it. Sheldon decides to take Penny's advice on the matter, with a little help from Cosmopolitan magazine thrown in. Meanwhile, Raj is now exclusively dating Emily after a comment he makes to Lucy. Howard and Bernadette, and Raj and Emily decide to go on a double date. When Howard sees who Emily is at that double date, he is hoping she will not remember their one and only former disastrous meeting.
21The Anything Can Happen Recurrence
24 Apr 2014Description ▼
Howard and Raj have a boys' night in together as Raj wants to watch a horror movie - such movies which he doesn't like or understand why anyone would like - as Emily wants to watch it with him. He wants to take a test run so that he can both understand what Emily sees in them, and not be embarrassed by whatever shocks may occur during his viewing with Emily. Meanwhile, to get Sheldon's mind off of what he will now do with his professional life since giving up on the idea of string theory, Leonard suggests they re-institute "Anything Can Happen" Thursdays, and have a spontaneous evening out. With Howard and Raj already preoccupied, Bernadette needing to work late, and Amy under the weather, this first Thursday out will only be comprised of Leonard, Sheldon and Penny. What happens on this first night out may threaten Penny's friendship with Bernadette and Amy, and her relationship with Leonard, while strengthening her bond with Sheldon.
22The Proton Transmogrification
01 May 2014Description ▼
The guys are organizing Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977) day, which is on May the 4th, the date so chosen because..., and as such the date cannot be changed. They run into a conundrum when they learn that Arthur Jeffries, Leonard and Sheldon's friend and childhood idol as "Professor Proton", has just passed away, his funeral service to be held that day. While Penny plans to accompany Leonard to the funeral, Sheldon plans to partake in Star Wars day with Howard and Raj, since he believes mourning is a wasted emotion, and funerals a superstitious ritual. While Amy and Bernadette are helping with the Star Wars preparations, Sheldon, Howard and Raj start watching the marathon of six movies. But Arthur's death may be hitting Sheldon harder than he realizes, as witnessed by the break he takes from watching the movies. At the funeral, Penny makes an admission about funerals in general, while Leonard contemplates his mortality.
23The Gorilla Dissolution
08 May 2014Description ▼
Penny has decided not to complain about the gorilla movie she's filming anymore. But an incident on the set makes Penny reevaluate the decisions she made in her life. Mrs. Wolowitz gets into an accident, which leads to her being bedridden for six to eight weeks. After arguing about who will take care of her, Howard and Bernadette ultimately decide that they will be her caregivers instead hiring a professional. This experience ends up being their trial as parents. And while Raj and Sheldon are out at the cinema, they run into Emily, who seemingly is on a date with someone else. With Sheldon's help, Raj critically examines how he enters into all of his relationships.
24The Status Quo Combustion
15 May 2014Description ▼
Leonard and Penny's good news that they are engaged and Raj's that he has had sex with Emily are tempered by Howard and Bernadette's problem of not being able to keep any professional help to take care of his mother, and Sheldon's that the university will not let him change his area of research from string theory to inflationary cosmology, as string theory was the reason they hired him and the area for which he has received all his grants. What's worse for Sheldon, who cannot handle change that is not initiated by him, is that Leonard and Penny contemplate a living situation that may not include him, while Amy tries to capitalize on that fact for her own benefit. And a place that Sheldon considers a sanctuary is temporarily out of commission, which may be indirectly a benefit for Howard and Bernadette. With all these changes in his life, Sheldon may have some tough choices to make, all of which, in his mind, are less desirable that what had been his life up to this point.
1The Locomotion Interruption
22 Sep 2014Description ▼
Forty-five days after leaving Pasadena to regroup after a series of unwanted changes in his life, Sheldon telephones Leonard to come pick him up in Kingman, Arizona, where he is currently stranded as all his possession were stolen. Leonard decides to ask Amy to come along on the twelve hour round trip drive. Beyond explaining what he did on his time away and if it achieved its goal of redefining his life, Sheldon has some more precise explaining to Amy about one specific more immediate matter. Penny didn't go along on the trip as Bernadette got her a job interview as a pharmaceutical salesgirl with her company. Penny is apprehensive and not confident about the interview, doubting her own abilities. The result of the interview doesn't go quite as she expects. And now that Mrs. Wolowitz's cast has come off, Howard expects Stuart to move out of her house, which he doesn't. Howard, who has no idea the nature of his mother and Stuart's relationship, still feels uncomfortable about it and ...
2The Junior Professor Solution
22 Sep 2014Description ▼
Sheldon learns from Mrs. Davis in Human Resources that the university has come up with a solution to change his area of research from string theory to dark matter. They will promote him to junior professor, which has no strings to funding whatever area of research, but that it will require him to teach a graduate level class. After speaking to his friends, Sheldon agrees. However, his reputation precedes him as no one signs up for the class. As such, Howard, who has been thinking about working toward his doctorate, decides to enroll in the class as Sheldon's only student. While Howard truly wants to learn from Sheldon, Sheldon in turn only has one contrary goal in mind in being Howard's professor. Meanwhile, Bernadette and Penny are having a quiet feud over Penny seemingly not taking her new job as a sales rep at the pharmaceutical company where Bernadette works seriously. They both turn to Amy, who, for the first time in her life, feels like the popular kid in high school. As such, ...
3The First Pitch Insufficiency
29 Sep 2014Description ▼
Although not their first choice, NASA asks Howard to throw the first pitch for a Los Angeles Angels game on Space Day. Non-athletic Howard is worried that he will make a fool of himself. Bernadette and Raj help him practice, while Mike Massimo provides him with some sage advice. In the end, Howard will see if he is as good a pitcher as he is a scientist. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny have agreed to go on a double date with Sheldon and Amy. On that date, Sheldon tries to convince Leonard and Penny that his and Amy's relationship is far superior to theirs, and he has the scientific proof to back up his claim. Based on Sheldon's argument about the method of evaluation, Penny fears he may be right, which in turn places fears in her about being the future Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter.
4The Hook-up Reverberation
06 Oct 2014Description ▼
Emily joins the gang for the first time for one of their regular dinners at Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, she never yet having met either Leonard or Penny. As Emily is a physician, more specifically a dermatologist, Bernadette suggests that Penny try out her pharmaceutical sales techniques on Emily, to which Emily agrees. After the dinner, Penny believes that Emily, for whatever reason, didn't like her on first sight, but she doesn't know what she would have done in such short a period to make Emily dislike her so. At the sales pitch, Penny decides to confront Emily on the issue. Penny finds out that her perception was not incorrect and she finds out the reason for Emily's dislike of her. Penny has to figure out if she can overcome Emily's preconceived notion based on the reason. Meanwhile, Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj are at a rival comic book store, they discussing among other things the fact that Stuart has not yet been able to rebuild his since his insurance moneys are ...
5The Focus Attenuation
13 Oct 2014Description ▼
Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj all come to the conclusion that they have been so distracted ever since the arrival of the girls in their lives that they have not been able to focus their minds on the matter of just brainstorming on issues scientific. So they decide to have a boys weekend in to do that brainstorming. They encounter many problems along the way, the two biggest being what to focus their scientific priorities on, and how to stay focused on the task at hand and not get sidetracked by other distractions. While the boys are in, Penny, Amy and Bernadette decide to have a girls weekend away in Las Vegas. Once they arrive in Vegas, a situation with Penny leads to a role reversal where Penny ends up being the studious one, and Amy and Bernadette end up being the drunken party girls.
6The Expedition Approximation
20 Oct 2014Description ▼
As Sheldon's work is still relatively new in dark matter and as Raj hears about some ground breaking work in mines that may have major implications in both theoretical physics in dark matter as well as astrophysics, Raj suggests that he and Sheldon may want to get involved in this work, which would mean spending time in underground mines at twelve hours at a time. The environment would play upon most of Sheldon's darkest fears. But Raj is able to convince him that they should simulate what working in such as environment together would be like before they make a definitive decision. Being alone together may give Sheldon and Raj time to think about more than just being in a dark, hot, humid and enclosed environment with no toilet. Meanwhile, Penny has sold the car that Leonard bought her since the pharmaceutical company has given her a car for work. She wants to give the money from the car sale back to Leonard. This gesture brings up issues primarily around Penny's new financial ...
7The Misinterpretation Agitation
30 Oct 2014Description ▼
Bernadette is excited to be asked to be a magazine photo shoot featuring the fifty sexiest female scientists. The topic places a wedge between her and Amy, who doesn't believe that strutting one's sex appeal advances the scientific profession... or does she have ulterior motives? Meanwhile, Dr. Lorvis, one of Penny's clients who has done an Internet search for her, stops by her apartment unannounced with flowers hoping to initiate a romantic relationship with her, because she seemed single (i.e. she was not wearing her engagement ring, at least on her left ring finger), she touched his arm for "two Mississippis", and she winked at him. Leonard is able to intercept him before he gets to Penny, who ultimately does admit she flirts to make sales. But Dr. Lorvis ends up making a bigger impression on the entire gang than he did on Penny.
8The Prom Equivalency
06 Nov 2014Description ▼
As Penny has her prom dress out after organizing her closet, she, Bernadette and Amy talk about their respective proms, the latter two whose were not what they would have wanted. As such, Bernadette and Amy decide to host a prom night for themselves and their friends, all who accept. Leonard and Penny muse about what their prom would have been like if they knew each other then knowing what they know now. Howard has a problem about who Stuart's bringing as a date, who in turn may cause problems for someone else not at the prom. And Sheldon has an anxiety attack faced with the rituals of prom night, which may include the expectation of coitus.
9The Septum Deviation
13 Nov 2014Description ▼
After Leonard tells Sheldon that he is having surgery to repair his deviated septum, Sheldon is convinced that Leonard will be the one in seven hundred thousand that will die from the anesthesia. Sheldon tries to convince Leonard of his early demise from this unnecessary surgery by reducing the odds through other factors. As such, Leonard has to figure out a way to get the procedure done without letting Sheldon know. Meanwhile, Raj tries to figure out what to get his parents for their fortieth wedding anniversary. An incident with the Koothrappalis makes Howard and Bernadette wonder if they will make it to their fortieth, and what they can do to strengthen their marriage.
10The Champagne Reflection
20 Nov 2014Description ▼
Leonard, Howard and Raj are cleaning out the office of recently deceased Professor Roger Abbott. Rather than check through the material to save anything of worth as they are supposed to do, they largely throw everything out without reading through it, until Leonard comes across a fifty year old gift to the professor from his mother. That gift makes the three think about his material with a little more reverence, especially those notes which they don't understand. Their quest leads them to Professor Sharpe, Professor Abbott's long time office mate who may be able to shed some light on the life and work of Professor Abbott. Regardless, this task ends up making the three think about their own scientific legacies. Meanwhile, Sheldon and Amy are filming what will be the 232nd and last episode of Fun with Flags, as Sheldon has decided he no longer has the time to devote to it. Despite Sheldon being able to convince a reluctant LeVar Burton to appear, the episode may ultimately be marred by ...
11The Clean Room Infiltration
11 Dec 2014Description ▼
Raj can't host this year's Christmas Eve dinner party because his soon to be divorced father is coming for a visit. So Amy volunteers to host the dinner, she choosing the theme of a traditional Victorian Christmas. Raj and Dr. Koothrappali are nonetheless invited. The day of the party, Leonard and Howard, working on an experiment in the clean room, are detained and require Raj's help when an accident causes the clean room to be not so clean. They have to figure out what to do, the three ultimately deciding that the blame falls on one person, who has a sense of déjà vu for the remainder of the evening and as they deal with the issue. Bernadette is driving Sheldon to Amy's. Irked that Amy would agree to host a dinner that he wants no part of, Sheldon tries to figure out a way to get back at Amy. That leaves Amy, Penny and Dr. Koothrappali alone at the party, which is dominated by Dr. Koothrappali's less than positive current view of marriage, and Amy's focus on making everything as ...
12The Space Probe Disintegration
08 Jan 2015Description ▼
Raj was part of a team which launched the New Horizon Space Probe nine years ago to collect data about Pluto, the probe which is now within distance to provide its first data... that is if it is still operational. While waiting to hear any news about the probe with Howard and Bernadette, Raj can't help but feel totally stressed. He makes a surprising decision on how to calm down. Meanwhile, Penny and Amy, who feel that they always have to do what Leonard and Sheldon want to do, are given the privilege of deciding what the four will do for the day. As Penny wants to do something that she knows Leonard and Sheldon will hate, Sheldon comes up with the answer to appease Penny: dress shopping. While Penny and Amy are in the change rooms, and Leonard and Sheldon wait outside, each pair talks about their respective friendships, most specifically the issue of compromise.
13The Anxiety Optimization
29 Jan 2015Description ▼
Sheldon is having a mental block about his research into dark matter, and is wondering if he made a mistake changing his area of research. Based on a comment by Penny about how much she hates to exercise but does it anyway, Sheldon figures what he needs to be able to focus on the work is to be placed in a state of anxiety, and asks his friends to help him by agitating him. Beyond their willing assistance, Sheldon comes up with his own unusual ways to be annoyed. Meanwhile, Howard comes up with a new game to play with the gang which he calls "Emily or Cinnamon". Howard will say something he's heard Raj say, and they have to figure out if Raj said it to his pet dog Cinnamon or to his girlfriend Emily.
14The Troll Manifestation
05 Feb 2015Description ▼
Through a casual conversation with Penny, Leonard believes he's come up with a revolutionary scientific idea. Requiring some sort of validation, he asks Sheldon for his opinion. Sheldon likes the idea so much, that he on his own makes all the necessary calculations and writes a paper on the subject. The two decide to post the paper as co-authors online before anyone else can claim the work as their own. The responses to the paper are universally positive... except for one anonymous poster who ridicules Sheldon and Leonard. Sheldon in particular can't stand that anyone would denigrate his work, which leads to a war of online words with this anonymous poster. Raj may ultimately give Sheldon and Leonard a good perspective on the matter. Meanwhile, Penny, Bernadette and Amy are deciding on what to watch on their girls night in. Bernadette and Amy dualaterally decide that they will find Penny's "gorilla" movie online and watch that, much against Penny's wishes. As such, Penny can't help ...
15The Comic Book Store Regeneration
19 Feb 2015Description ▼
Howard receives some shocking news as everyone prepares for the re-opening of the comic book store. Meanwhile, Penny tries to teach Sheldon how to "let it go," but can't follow her own advice when she learns something infuriating about Amy.
16The Intimacy Acceleration
26 Feb 2015Description ▼
Amy and Raj learn of a scientific experiment designed to see if it can make two people fall in love in the matter of hours. After the gang discusses the viability of the experiment's premise, Sheldon and Penny decide they will test it out to see if it can make them fall in love with each other. The nature of the experiment is to answer truthfully a series of questions followed by staring into each other's eyes without speaking for four minutes. Is there any chance that Sheldon and Penny will fall in love with each other, or at least get to know intimate details about the other that they didn't already know? With Sheldon and Penny occupied with the experiment, Leonard and Amy decide to tag along on Raj and Emily's date, the four who decide to go to an escape room: interactive theater where the participants have to figure out puzzles to escape. This particular room is filled with zombies. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette have just arrived at Los Angeles Airport having just returned from...
17The Colonization Application
05 Mar 2015Description ▼
Sheldon and Amy have decided to take their relationship to the next level... by purchasing a pet together, namely a turtle. That step takes a giant leap backward when Sheldon divulges that he has submitted an application to be among the first people to colonize Mars, something he did not discuss with Amy before doing so. She is more upset by the fact that it was a unilateral decision on his part than by the decision itself. Is there any way Sheldon can make it right with her? Meanwhile, Leonard gives Penny a late Valentine's Day present that he bought at the sex shop: body paint and canvas so that they can make their own painting using their naked bodies as the brushes. Both the process and the final product aren't quite what they were expecting. And Emily is called on a short emergency to the hospital leaving Raj alone at her apartment. He does something that might end their relationship, with Howard and Bernadette not providing much help or guidance on how to fix the problem, both ...
18The Leftover Thermalization
12 Mar 2015Description ▼
After interviewing Sheldon, Scientific American writes a glowing article about Leonard and Sheldon's latest theory without mentioning Leonard by name, only referring to him as "Dr. Cooper's team". Leonard ends up being upset but not mad at the situation until Sheldon, trying to make things right in his own eyes, finds out what caused the error. Meanwhile, Raj offers to help Howard, Bernadette and Stuart clean out Howard's mother's house, Stuart who Howard is letting stay there a little while longer. Just as Howard, Bernadette and Raj get to the house, Stuart tells them the power has been out since the middle of the night. What Howard ends up being upset about is that the food in the freezer - the last food Debbie ever cooked - has thawed and thus cannot be refrozen and thus saved. As there is enough to feed an army, Howard invites all their friends over for one last meal courtesy of Mrs. Wolowitz. Debbie's spirit pervades the meal in more ways than one, courtesy of Leonard and ...
19The Skywalker Incursion
02 Apr 2015Description ▼
When Leonard and Sheldon are invited to speak at UC Berkeley, they take a detour to try and meet one of their idols. Meanwhile, while cleaning out Mrs. Wolowitz's house, a ping pong battle ensues when Howard and Bernadette argue over the fate of his TARDIS.
20The Fortification Implementation
09 Apr 2015Description ▼
Wil Wheaton, Penny's co-star in "Serial Apeist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill", invites her to be on his podcast to discuss the movie. Wil eventually asks Leonard, who is there anyway, to join in the discussion as well. A comment from a specific caller leads to a change of topic of the podcast from the movie to Penny and Leonard's relationship at this point in time in their lives. Meanwhile, Howard's lawyer is able to track down his father to sign some documents so that the title of the house can be transferred to Howard, the lawyer's job all done without Howard needing to see, talk to or know anything about his father at all. But Howard gets some unexpected news resulting from that process. And Sheldon is upset that he was not included among a group of select scientists asked to attend a symposium at a former home of renowned physicist Richard Feynman. To cheer him up, Amy suggests doing something with him that he was also excluded from as a child: building a blanket fort in the living ...
21The Communication Deterioration
16 Apr 2015Description ▼
Raj is one of a select group of scientists who has been asked to submit a proposal for sending a message out into space on one of the Discovery missions, in the possibility that the message is intercepted by alien life. Raj asks Howard, Leonard and Sheldon if they would like to help him. Based on their responses, Raj decides only to let Leonard help as Howard and Sheldon demonstrate that they would want to take over the project, whereas Leonard would be more of a collaborator. Howard and Sheldon react to Raj's decision in different ways, with the four ultimately discussing their group dynamic. A question becomes if Raj and Leonard can accomplish anything without Howard and Sheldon. Meanwhile Penny has been asked to audition for a major movie, which, if she gets it would put a crimp on her lucrative new life as a pharmaceutical sales rep. She asks for advice on what to do from an unlikely source. And Sheldon rewrites the lyrics to a number of popular songs to get children more ...
22The Graduation Transmission
23 Apr 2015Description ▼
Leonard has been asked by those at his New Jersey high school to provide the commencement speech as this year's graduation ceremony. He plans to take Penny along with him, which along with his work is meant for him to show metaphorically his past that he is a success despite the pain he endured in high school. Their plans hit a snag when a storm on the east coast has grounded all flights into the region to make it to New Jersey in time for the ceremony. Penny, figuring there are other ways in this day and age of technology, arranges for Leonard to be able to give his speech to the graduating class via Skype. But Leonard has a change of heart about the core message of his speech as he gives it based on reliving that pain. Meanwhile, Raj has purchased a drone as a toy. As it isn't working, he asks Howard and Sheldon to help him fix it. While mechanically inclined Howard does whatever he can to fix it - which isn't as easy as he or Sheldon would have believed - Raj runs into an ...
23The Maternal Combustion
30 Apr 2015Description ▼
Both Leonard and Sheldon's mothers are coming to town to see them win an award for their joint research. The two diametrically opposed in viewpoint mothers have never met each other before. Their arrival places an interesting dynamic not only with each other, but in their dealings with Leonard, Sheldon and Penny individually and as a group. They each may gain some insight into their collective lives in the process. Meanwhile, Bernadette feels like she is mother to three children in the form of Howard, Stuart and Raj, almost like she has to channel the role that Debbie played. Especially for Howard, it's not a role he wanted his wife to be. Can Howard step up to the plate to be more the husband that he feels he should be for Bernadette?
24The Commitment Determination
07 May 2015Description ▼
Although on the surface it looks as if Sheldon and Amy's relationship is moving forward, an action by Sheldon demonstrates to Amy that she is still low on his list of priorities behind much more mundane things in his life. Not understanding why Amy is angry with him, Sheldon consults with Penny and Leonard. The question makes Leonard and Penny examine their own relationship, most specifically why they never talk about their wedding and why they have not yet set a date. Them talking about it could have serious implications. Meanwhile, Raj is contemplating breaking up with Emily because they are such different people. It makes Howard and Bernadette think about a break-up of their own, namely with Stuart in whether they should ask him to move out.
1The Matrimonial Momentum
21 Sep 2015Description ▼
Amy has broken up with Sheldon because she can no longer tolerate his insensitivity to her needs, while Leonard and Penny have moved in the other direction, Penny who can overlook Leonard's admission to making out with another woman in a drunken stupor enough so that they are still proceeding with their Las Vegas elopement. But while Sheldon turns to Leonard for advice and Penny talks to Amy about the break-up, the resulting discussions could affect both the break-up and the wedding. With Leonard and Penny out of town, Amy and Sheldon also turn to others for advice and support - Amy who has been invited to watch a special on-line streamed video with Howard and Bernadette - while Sheldon and Amy have differing perspectives of the phrase "need a little time". Meanwhile, Stuart has the want to do something a little inappropriate.
2The Separation Oscillation
28 Sep 2015Description ▼
Leonard confronts the woman he kissed on the North Sea in an attempt to set Penny's mind at ease. Meanwhile, Sheldon films a special episode of "Fun with Flags" after his breakup with Amy, and Bernadette feels guilty about withholding a secret from Penny.
3The Bachelor Party Corrosion
05 Oct 2015Description ▼
Because Leonard and Penny eloped, neither got a bachelor or bachelorette party before their marriage. As such, Howard and Raj, with Penny's help, kidnap a willing Leonard and a less than willing Sheldon to take them away to a mystery destination for a bachelor party. The plan in general sits well with Leonard, and a little less so with Sheldon, until he learns of some science related aspects to the plan. But all four will have to use a little more science on this trip than they anticipated. With the boys out of town, the girls have a bachelorette party of their own. As Penny doesn't want to go to a strip club, they decide instead to have a girls' night in to talk about their current lives. Penny's marriage to Leonard and Amy's break-up with Sheldon lead to two telephone calls, one which contains a little more information than Penny would have liked, and a physical transformation for a new look.
4The 2003 Approximation
12 Oct 2015Description ▼
Leonard and Penny finally move in together leaving Sheldon very upset with this big change in his life...
5The Perspiration Implementation
19 Oct 2015Description ▼
Barry Kripke expresses interest in Amy while leading a fencing lesson for the guys. When Stuart tries to attract female customers to the store, Penny, Amy and Bernadette help out.
6The Helium Insufficiency
26 Oct 2015Description ▼
Leonard and Sheldon learn that a Swedish scientific team has read their paper and is trying to beat them in completing the experiment to prove or disprove their hypothesis. Leonard and Sheldon's problem is that they require some liquid helium to complete the experiment, the element which is currently in short supply in the US with their order backlogged by one month. Kripke has a supply but will not give them any of his. Howard knows "someone" who would be able to get them some illegally. Leonard and Sheldon have to decide whether to buy from this black market supplier, with the knowledge that if they get caught it could mean jail and their reputation in tatters. Meanwhile, Stuart has been using a mobile phone app which has resulted in him getting a few dates. Penny and Bernadette think that Amy should use the app herself in moving forward with her love life without Sheldon. Beyond Penny, Bernadette, Howard, Raj and Stuart making Amy's search for true love using this app a party game,...
7The Spock Resonance
05 Nov 2015Description ▼
Sheldon is excited to learn through his friend Wil Wheaton that Adam Nimoy, the son of Leonard Nimoy, Sheldon's hero, is making a documentary on the character of Mr. Spock, and wants to interview him, as a fan, for the documentary. Sheldon is to talk about how the character of Mr. Spock has influenced his life. Elsewhere, Bernadette wants to renovate the house to make it feel more like her and Howard's home, and not the Wolowitz home. Howard would rather the house remain as it is, the way he remembers it in all his memories, good and bad, especially of his recently deceased mother. Bernadette and Howard each bring in reinforcements to support their side. With both the documentary and the redecorating, certain other issues come to light which change the focus of the tasks at hand.
8The Mystery Date Observation
12 Nov 2015Description ▼
Catching Amy kissing another man, Sheldon realizes that Amy has indeed moved on from him. As such, he decides to move on from her. As they were the ones who "found" Amy, Sheldon asks Howard and Raj to find his next girlfriend. After discussing the best approach to the task based on Sheldon's high standards, Howard thinks he has the perfect way to find that replacement to Amy. If all goes according to Howard and Raj's eventual plan, that perfect woman for Sheldon should arrive on his doorstep by the end of the evening. The questions become if any women will show up and if they do if any of them will be who Sheldon was expecting. Meanwhile, Amy is going out on a third date with Dave, the man she has been seeing. She has been short on information about Dave to Penny and Bernadette, so they decide to spy on Amy and Dave's date, knowing the restaurant where they will be dining. What they and their unexpected third see through the restaurant window may not tell the entire story of what is ...
9The Platonic Permutation
19 Nov 2015Description ▼
On Thanksgiving, Sheldon and Amy try to spend time together as friends and go to an aquarium, Howard reluctantly agrees to volunteer at the soup kitchen with Bernadette, Raj and Emily, and Penny discovers that Leonard knows more about her than she thought.
10The Earworm Reverberation
10 Dec 2015Description ▼
Sheldon doesn't realize that he's humming until Leonard points it out to him. After that, Sheldon, and by association everyone around him, "descend into madness" in Sheldon's words as Sheldon tries to figure out the song which he is continually humming. As he racks his brain, he may or may not realize that the song has some special meaning in his life. Being rejected by Sheldon in her attempt to get back together with him, Amy decides to try another date with Dave despite the disaster that was their last date. He promises to keep Sheldon out of their date this time, which may be easier said than done. And Raj has created a fan page for his and Howard's band, Footprints on the Moon, which has received their first fan, Trent Monaco. Finding out what they can about Trent, they seem more enamored of him than he may be of their band.
11The Opening Night Excitation
17 Dec 2015Description ▼
Leonard, Wolowitz, and Koothrappali must decide who will take their extra Star Wars movie ticket. After five years of dating, Sheldon and Amy spend their first night together.
12The Sales Call Sublimation
07 Jan 2016Description ▼
With Amy away at a convention, Sheldon hangs out with the friend with "the best offer", which happens to be Raj who has time booked in the telescope room searching for rogue planets. While Raj initially regrets asking Sheldon to join him, Sheldon does become a useful participant in the process. However, the successful result of their time may cause further problems down the road for the two of them. Meanwhile, Penny is having problems trying to arrange a business appointment to meet with a psychiatrist named Dr. Gallo. Penny is able to convince Leonard to book an appointment with Dr. Gallo pretending to be a patient to lay the groundwork for getting Penny an appointment. Leonard and Penny's resulting time with Dr. Gallo may have deeper implications than they would have imagined. And just as Howard and Bernadette are beginning the process of remodeling the house, Stuart gives them the news that he has found an apartment and will be moving out. Despite Stuart being a thorn in their ...
13The Empathy Optimization
14 Jan 2016Description ▼
Leonard, Penny, Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Emily are all mad at Sheldon because while they all tried to help and comfort him when he had the flu, he treated them all insensitively. Not knowing what he did wrong, Sheldon doesn't understand why they aren't all happy that he is now well. Still angered because of Sheldon's attitude, the six believe they need some away time from him and decide to rent a party bus for a trip to Las Vegas without him. When Sheldon finds out, he wants to go on the trip despite not liking Vegas, yet he still doesn't understand why they haven't invited him. In Skyping to Amy who is still in Detroit on her conference, Sheldon may begin truly to understand from her that he needs to show some true empathy in apologizing to their friends. Although he believes he has worked out scientifically how to be truly empathetic and mean it, he has to convince all six of them that he is being genuine in his apology for them to forgive him and perhaps let him join the party, ...
14The Meemaw Materialization
04 Feb 2016Description ▼
Meemaw comes to visit her Moonpie. In other words, Sheldon's grandmother, Constance, comes for a visit. Although it may seem to Sheldon that her visit is purely a want to spend some time with her Moonpie, it is really to size up Amy. Meemaw has some negative preconceived notions of Amy walking in, which may or may not change based upon meeting her. But if Meemaw's views don't change, Sheldon may be forced to choose between his girlfriend and his beloved Meemaw. In the process, the rationale for that view may also come to light. Meanwhile, Howard and Raj meet Claire, a beautiful young woman, at the comic book store. She is an aspiring filmmaker who wants to pick Raj's brain on science issues for her sci-fi animated children's project. Raj seeks some advice from Howard and Bernadette about whether he should meet with Claire, the issue being the "vibe" Raj felt between the two of them, and whether he should tell Emily about meeting her or meeting with her if he does.
15The Valentino Submergence
11 Feb 2016Description ▼
Each couple has its own Valentine's Day plan, which don't turn out quite the way each intends. Leonard and Penny have dinner reservations. It isn't the one hour wait they have at the restaurant despite their reservation that bothers them the most, but rather a comment made by Glenn the Maitre D' to Penny which makes them feel old for the first time. Raj plans on spending the day with Emily, with who he wants to break up as he constantly thinks about Claire. His friends tell him that since he's talked about it for so long that he should just do it and get it over with. What Raj ends up doing in the matter makes for interesting companions for him for Valentine's Day. Sheldon and Amy are celebrating the day by hosting the first ever live streaming of Fun with Flags. Being live, the show takes interesting turns, especially in that they are taking calls from viewers. And Howard and Bernadette plan on breaking in their new hot tub for the first time. Just before they are ready to get in, ...
16The Positive Negative Reaction
18 Feb 2016Description ▼
Bernadette tells Howard that she is pregnant. After the initial excitement, Howard gets an anxiety attack over one issue after another about the problems that will arise in their lives in having a baby. Regardless, Bernadette and Howard tell their friends of the news, Bernadette to the girls and Howard to the guys. Although they concur with some of those issues in trying to calm down both Bernadette and Howard regarding Howard and thus Bernadette's anxiety, they also try to focus on the positives of them becoming parents. On the guys' side, Howard begins to fixate primarily on the money issue, Raj coming up with the statistic that it costs $1 million to raise a child in the Los Angeles area through to college. Through the discussions, will Bernadette and Howard come to a more positive outlook on their new situation when they and their friends come back together as one big group at the end of the night?
17The Celebration Experimentation
25 Feb 2016Description ▼
Sheldon's birthday is approaching, and Amy wants to throw him a party despite he not ever having wanted a birthday party in the past. When Amy, Leonard, and Penny learn the reason why he's never wanted a party, they assure him that this one will make up for the disappointments that were his birthday parties when he was a child. In trying to figure out what to get him for a present, Leonard, Howard and Raj decide that what would make up for those childhood party disappointments would be to have a Batman show up, specifically in the form of Adam West. Even with all the details of what Sheldon wants for his birthday, such as a three layer chocolate cake with strawberry frosting, Sheldon will have to overcome a lot of bad memories to make it through what his friends want to be a good party for him.
18The Application Deterioration
10 Mar 2016Description ▼
Alpha Emily continues to stalk, hunt and control Rajesh, over the objections of the new blonde barista. Meanwhile, Sheldon, Leonard and Howard REALLY need legal counsel to remind them Howard, on loan to NASA by the university, may not be an employee of the university and/or subject of their extortion of their theory for patent.
19The Solder Excursion Diversion
31 Mar 2016Description ▼
Leonard and Howard have started working on the prototype, and accept Penny and Bernadette's offer to help. The boys leave the girls in the lab while they need to go to the hardware store to buy more solder. En route, the boys get lured into a free preview movie screening, about which they plan to lie to the girls why they are delayed. They however text Raj about what they are doing, Raj who has since ended up at the lab himself. Raj has to decide to who his allegiance lies, the boys or the girls. Meanwhile, Amy is trying to convince Sheldon to replace his broken down laptop, which seem to be on its last legs. Sheldon is reluctant to replace it, but he is even more reluctant to recycle it when it does eventually break down, even though the electronics store will give him store credit for it. Sheldon decides to come clean to Amy about why he doesn't want to recycle it.
20The Big Bear Precipitation
07 Apr 2016Description ▼
Sheldon has been spending time in the virtual wilderness ever since Amy showed him a scientific study that proves spending time in the great outdoors significantly improves cognitive reasoning. When Leonard and Penny decide to borrow one of Penny's clients cabin for a weekend getaway, Amy is further able to convince Sheldon for them to tag along. Mother Nature prevents them from enjoying the great outdoors as was the intention of the getaway, but it does allow them to examine the state of their collective lives. Meanwhile, Raj has been more committed to the entire process of Bernadette's pregnancy and the whole issue of the baby than Howard. If Bernadette and Howard think Raj's involvement is crossing the boundary, Howard will have to step up to the plate and tell his best friend so,... or does it also mean that Howard has to step up to the plate in other ways?
21The Viewing Party Combustion
21 Apr 2016Description ▼
Leonard's mad at Sheldon for having to attend yet another "useless" quarterly roommate agreement meeting, on which Penny falls on Sheldon's side in wanting to keep the peace. Sheldon's mad at Amy for siding with Leonard against him and Penny as she admits she never liked to attend girlfriend agreement meetings. Howard's mad at Raj for continually flaunting the fact that he is dating both Emily and Claire all in form of complaining how difficult it all is. All these disagreements have the potential to come to a head when the gang gets together to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones (2011) as Stuart is the brunt of yet another prank by Howard, and as further revelations emerge about why Amy sided with Leonard against Sheldon and Penny, and about where Bernadette falls into the complicated relationship between Howard and Raj.
22The Fermentation Bifurcation
28 Apr 2016Description ▼
Penny has received tickets to a wine tasting, and has invited all her friends to go with her. Everyone accepts except Sheldon, who has no interest, and Bernadette, who can't drink since she's pregnant. So Sheldon suggests that when everyone else is at the wine tasting, he and Bernadette spend time together doing things for that he normally likes to do and that Bernadette is reduced to now only being able to do since she's pregnant. Bernadette reluctantly accepts Sheldon's invitation. She ends up being surprised by their time together. At the wine tasting, the gang runs into Zack, Penny's old boyfriend who she hasn't seen since before she and Leonard got married. Zack's simplistic way of looking at the world makes for an uncomfortable evening for Leonard, Howard and Raj, the first two who reevaluate working on their prototype for the guidance system, and Raj who is trying to play it overly casual with his date for the evening, Claire, upon her first meeting with his friends.
23The Line Substitution Solution
05 May 2016Description ▼
Leonard's mother has come for a visit. While Leonard wants to avoid her at all cost, Penny wants truly to bond with her despite the less than happy relationship Leonard has with her. So it's good timing for Leonard when Raj mentions that there is a special screening of The Avengers (2012) that he wants them all to go to. While Leonard and Howard are up for the evening out to the cinema, Sheldon doesn't want them to go without him, he who promised Amy he would go shopping with her at that time. When Leonard tells him that he can still go shopping with Amy and that they will save him a spot in line, Sheldon balks at the notion, not believing in "cutsies", that is until they mention that people nowadays are hired to do a number of unusual things, such as stand in line for others. Who Sheldon hires is Stuart, but not quite in the way they all had in mind. Regardless, Stuart relishes what looks to be his newfound wealth from these "person for hire" type tasks, while Sheldon still will not ...
24The Convergence Convergence
12 May 2016Description ▼
When she finds out that Beverly was secretly hurt by not being invited to their wedding, Penny makes the unilateral decision to hold another non-legal wedding ceremony to which she and Leonard will invite their closest friends and family, largely to appease Beverly. After Penny is able to convince Leonard to go along with the idea, Leonard makes the unilateral decision to his invite his father, anthropologist Dr. Alfred Hofstadter, a move that does not sit well with Beverly, as she and her ex-husband have been on bad terms with each other since their divorce. Sheldon makes the unilateral decision to his invite his mother to "their" wedding, which could prove to be awkward since Beverly and Mary, in their previous meeting, have shown that they not only don't see eye-to-eye on anything, but that they truly don't like each other. Putting Mary, Beverly and Alfred in one room together is an explosive mixture, but not totally in the way Leonard, Penny or Sheldon would have figured. ...
1The Conjugal Conjecture
19 Sep 2016Description ▼
It's the day of Leonard and Penny's formal wedding ceremony, but things have the potential to go horribly wrong because of all the interrelationships between the attendees. Beverly and Mary, and Beverly and Alfred already have issues with each other and thus want to spend as little time with the other as possible. Beverly is threatening not to show as she feels humiliated on the assumption that Alfred and Mary slept together. Sheldon is angry at Alfred for supposedly defiling his mother. Leonard is angry at Sheldon for hating Alfred for supposedly defiling Mary. Penny's mother Susan is angry at Penny for divulging their family's dirty secrets to Leonard. Susan is also angry at Penny's brother Randall for his drug conviction leading to Susan believing Leonard's family will believe they white trash. Susan and Wyatt are not seeing eye to eye on how they should approach either Leonard's family or the wedding. As the ceremony approaches, the unpredictability of the situation may prove to ...
2The Military Miniaturization
26 Sep 2016Description ▼
Howard passes along the fact that Colonel Williams wants to meet to discuss the guidance system to Leonard and Sheldon, the three and Raj who discuss amongst themselves their continued concern about the system being used for military purposes. They do agree at least to meet with him, but believe they have to get some legal advice beforehand. What happens in that meeting may depend largely on the wild card in the equation, namely something named "Sheldon". Meanwhile, Bernadette discovers that her coworkers know that she is pregnant, something that she hasn't yet told anyone at work and something she didn't want her coworkers yet to know, fearing that her superiors will use the information against her in assigning a coveted research project to another scientist. Bernadette wants to get back at whoever blabbed, she who will go to extreme lengths for revenge. Penny has to decide if she will confess to the reality of being the source, and in the process possibly face the wrath of ...
3The Dependence Transcendence
03 Oct 2016Description ▼
With only two months to complete the contract for the Air Force, Howard, Leonard and Sheldon are working around the clock. Sheldon in particular is feeling sleep deprived as someone who doesn't drink coffee to stay awake. Feeling delirious, Sheldon, during one of the guys' working sessions, is lured to the dark side by the hallucination of one of his idols, the dark side being an energy drink. Sheldon is affected negatively by the experience, probably partly by the stimulants themselves, but also by the thought of what those chemicals are doing to his system. But what may be most negatively affecting Sheldon is the core reason why he is feeling so tired. With Howard at work, Bernadette is left to spend the day with Raj, who suggests they start preparing the baby's room. Slowly, Bernadette lets Raj know in no uncertain terms that she is concerned that her maternal instincts have not kicked in as she is less than excited about being pregnant. Unable to reassure her, Raj calls in who he ...
4The Cohabitation Experimentation
10 Oct 2016Description ▼
A burst water pipe leaves Amy's apartment uninhabitable for five weeks. Penny and Leonard offer Leonard's bedroom as a place to stay for that time, while Penny and Leonard would stay in Penny's apartment, effectively meaning that Amy and Sheldon would be living together. However after speaking to Sheldon about the matter, the collective decide that Penny and Leonard will stay in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, while Sheldon and Amy will move into Penny's apartment, and treat it as a five week science experiment - Penny's apartment being the control away from Sheldon's comforts - to see if he would like to live with Amy after the five weeks is over. The experiment would allow him to evaluate the situation from a scientific perspective, seeing what worked and what didn't. As they will be sharing a bed, Amy and Sheldon decide to take coitus off the table to remove sexual tension as an evaluating factor. But the sex or lack thereof may be just one of many issues which could kibosh the ...
5The Hot Tub Contamination
17 Oct 2016Description ▼
Sheldon and Amy are hitting obstacles in their five week cohabitation experiment, as Amy cannot put up with many of Sheldon's rigid rules, about which he will not negotiate. With their relationship on the line, Sheldon issues Amy with what he considers the ultimate threat, however unrealistic the threat may be. So Penny talks to Sheldon and Leonard talks to Amy in the Hofstadters' want for the relationship to work so that Sheldon will not move back in with them. While Leonard tries to counsel Amy from his perspective of the former roommate, Penny and Sheldon end up comparing notes. But both Penny and Leonard know their primary mission, which they may or may not be able to accomplish with their advice. Meanwhile, Howard and Bernadette have decided to take a short vacation to Palm Springs as their last getaway as a couple before the baby arrives. However with Bernadette suffering from morning sickness, Howard suggests they have a staycation instead. In the process, they discover some ...
6The Fetal Kick Catalyst
27 Oct 2016Description ▼
Penny has been asked to appear at the Van Nuys Comic-Con for starring in the Serial Ape-ist movies. Leonard is able to convince her to make the appearance despite her hesitation, which is largely due to the small and insignificant nature of the event in the global scheme of Comic-Cons. Penny isn't sure if the admiration she receives at the event is the type of admiration she really wants, while her sidekick Leonard seems to be enjoying the event more than her as he seems to have his own surprised admirers. Meanwhile, Howard feeling the baby kick - it happening while Bernadette is deep in sleep - is the first tangible proof for him that there truly is a baby inside her and that they will soon be parents. Howard, with Raj but not Bernadette by his side, goes overboard in being the prepared parent, much to Bernadette's chagrin, she who doesn't want to be that typical first time parent, but still wants to be involved in decisions for their baby. And now that she and Sheldon are living ...
7The Veracity Elasticity
03 Nov 2016Description ▼
Sheldon and Amy seem to have found a comfortable emotional place in living together, they even hosting their latest webcast of "Fun with Flags" in their current abode of what was Penny's old apartment. However, what Amy has not told Sheldon is that her apartment renovations were completed earlier than expected - finished two weeks ago - meaning that she could long ago have moved home. The only person among her friends she has divulged the information to is Bernadette, who in turn has told Penny and Leonard. This relationship secret, which now sits with four of them, is only the tip of the iceberg in relationship secrets where one or two people within the group know a secret about someone else, with all these secrets potentially coming to light, each with their own consequences, all them having some connection to trust, or lack thereof, within the relationship. Regardless, Sheldon will eventually have to go through the evaluation process of his and Amy's experiment of living together, ...
8The Brain Bowl Incubation
10 Nov 2016Description ▼
Despite the parts that he doesn't like about it, Amy is able to convince Sheldon to take a skin sample from him so that she can develop a brain cell from a combination of both his and hers. Sheldon is so enamored with the result of Amy's experiment that he proposes something else that shocks Amy. Sheldon does whatever he can to convince Amy to go along - those measures which would normally excite her - but she resists to the best of her ability if only because of what the end result would be. Meanwhile, Raj has met a woman, Issabella, at the university to who he is attracted, and who he would like to start dating. Beyond that physical and emotional attraction he has to her, there is one aspect of her being about which he may not be able to overcome and which colors what he says about her to his friends.
9The Geology Elevation
17 Nov 2016Description ▼
Bert in the Geology Department has just won a prestigious MacArthur grant, and with it $500,000 which need not be used for his research. Everyone around him is happy for him, everyone that is except for Sheldon, who can't feel anything but jealousy. Subsequent events around the grant award just makes Sheldon more and more jealous. One by one, his friends try to get him out of his funk about this issue. But it may be Bert himself who has the answer to Sheldon's problem. Meanwhile, Howard has found a remote control miniature toy he once made of Stephen Hawking. While Howard thinks the toy is hilarious, Bernadette believes it is in poor taste. Because of Bernadette's belief, Howard tries to get validation as to his thought about the issue. He may need it if he has any hope of taking Bernadette up on her dare: to show the toy to Hawking himself.
10The Property Division Collision
01 Dec 2016Description ▼
Amy tells Sheldon they need to remove some of Penny's things and bring some of his from the old apartment. Sheldon goes there and takes practically everything with no regard for Leonard. He tells Leonard to pick something he wants and what he picks is something Sheldon holds dear. So in retaliation he does things like change the wifi password and rent out his room to a homeless guy. Stuart tells Howard and Bernadette that he was evicted and would like to stay with them. Bernadette reluctantly lets him. Raj is upset that Stuart is doing the things he normally does.
11The Birthday Synchronicity
15 Dec 2016Description ▼
It's around midnight. Bernadette has gone into labor, with Howard, Raj and Stuart rushing her to the hospital. News of the labor makes its way back to their friends. It's the start of Amy's birthday, the news of the labor which interrupts Sheldon's annual gift of birthday coitus. Beyond Amy looking forward to this annual event, other items beyond the labor may make it more difficult for both Sheldon and Amy to get back into the mood. A baby coming into the world and the fact of Amy's birthday gift lead to Leonard and Penny thinking they too should have sex, which is dependent upon Leonard being able to find some things, including his breath. And in the process of the evening, Raj does something which may place him in Howard and Bernadette's bad books for the evening if not longer. Raj, feeling depressed about putting nine months into being there for Howard and Bernadette and potentially missing the birth, leads to he being shuttled between friends, who may or may not want to help him ...
12The Holiday Summation
05 Jan 2017Description ▼
It's early January, 2017, and Leonard and Penny are hosting a regular dinner for their friends, the first time they've gotten together since the holidays. Each group has a story to tell which marred their holidays. Sheldon and Amy went to Texas to spend the holidays with Mary. Their issue revolves around the fact that, on Amy's initiative, they told fundamentalist Christian Mary about their cohabitation outside of wedlock. It is not only Mary's reaction to the news that has Sheldon irked, but also a secret that Amy divulges about that news. Leonard and Penny's story revolves around the day they ended up purchasing their Christmas tree, issues around which placed a pall on everything else that happened that day. And in the collective Wolowitz-Rostenkowski-Bloom household with Koothrappali thrown into the mix, they are still getting used to having baby Halley in their lives and the lack of sleep that she causes, especially in trying to get her to stop crying. It's not only the crying ...
13The Romance Recalibration
19 Jan 2017Description ▼
Penny laments not only that Leonard no longer does romantic things for her like he used to before and when they first got married, but that he doesn't even seem to try anymore, the latter which makes her feel like he takes her for granted. Although she is reluctant to do so, Penny tells Leonard what is bothering her, which leads to a fight between the two, Leonard who feels he has made all the effort throughout their entire relationship. Penny decides she needs some time away from Leonard, and as such takes Amy on the romantic trip to the spa she had originally planned with Leonard. As Penny and Leonard turn to Amy and Sheldon respectively for advice and support, they may come to a drastic conclusion about what needs to be done. Meanwhile, Howard has discovered that the wood floor in Halley's bedroom squeaks. Despite Casey's advice to Bernadette that they just rip out and replace the entire floor, Howard and Raj try to figure out ways not to make the existing floor squeak, Raj wanting...
14The Emotion Detection Automation
02 Feb 2017Description ▼
Sheldon is accused by his friends of being insensitive once again, this and most other times so accused because he doesn't read emotional cues in others. As Bernadette has heard that scientists at MIT are developing a machine that can accurately read the emotions of happiness, sadness, anger and excitement in people, Howard manages to get a prototype of the machine through his MIT contacts for Sheldon. Sheldon learns the machine does what it is intended to do, leading to him having mixed emotions about what it does for his life. The machine is the cause of an argument between Leonard and Penny over Leonard's decision on what to do with their spare bedroom, and Penny telling Leonard that Randall will be staying with them while she tries to get him a job with the pharmaceutical company. Meanwhile, Raj confides in his friends that the woman that he has been dating broke up with him for unspecified reasons. Feeling insecure, Raj decides to hold a focus group of sorts with some of his old ...
15The Locomotion Reverberation
09 Feb 2017Description ▼
The work on the guidance system is going smoothly enough, with the exception of Sheldon making one unnecessary suggestion after another just to satisfy his own sense of making it perfect. The latest such suggestion is solely a half thought-out theory of how to make the unit smaller, the current model toward which they working being within the approved specs. Leonard decides the work at this point would go much easier without Sheldon, and thus he implements a long thought out plan, one which he has been saving for a crisis moment, which he believes this is. The plan?: give Sheldon a gift of the ultimate locomotive vacation, one where he actually gets to operate a train. Sheldon ends up being enthralled with the gift. However, things take a turn when Colonel Williams asks Leonard and Howard to create a product that is the size Sheldon has devised. Leonard's plan has worked a little too well in that Sheldon refuses to forgo his trip to come back to work. If Leonard can devise a plan to ...
16The Allowance Evaporation
16 Feb 2017Description ▼
In the latest video chat Raj has with his father who still pays for Raj's every expense despite Raj having a job, Raj learns that Dr. Koothrappali has, in his own words, "given up" on Raj ever getting married, his previous thought that his efforts to help Raj having gone awry being his fault in some way, while he now believes the failings are all Raj's. Dr. Koothrappali believes the core issues are that Raj is spoiled and overly sensitive. In his anger toward his father for thinking this way, Raj, in his first inclination, decides to get back at him by spending his money even more indiscriminately than he usually does if that is possible (yes it is). In speaking to his friends about the discussion with his father, Raj learns that they too think that he is spoiled. With those close to him feeling the same way, Raj has to decide if he has to make a fundamental change to his life. Meanwhile, Amy and Sheldon are out on one of their date nights. In running into Bert, Amy learns that ...
17The Comic-Con Conundrum
23 Feb 2017Description ▼
Sheldon, Leonard and Howard are looking over Raj's finances now that he has made the decision not to live off of his father. Despite Raj holding a good and steady job, his finances are not good. Raj and Sheldon enter into an agreement that Sheldon will be Raj's financial manager, Raj, who needs the discipline, not being able to spend on anything without Sheldon's okay. It isn't until they enter into the agreement that Sheldon reminds Raj that Comic-Con tickets go on sale at the end of the week, Sheldon who will not allow Raj to go, which will be the first Comic-Con Raj will not be going to with the rest of his friends. Sheldon relents and lets Raj go, only if he can raise the money, which is not that easy a task for someone who has never done anything specifically for money. Meanwhile, Penny is going to Comic-Con this year in an effort for she and Leonard to do things together that Leonard likes. In reality, Leonard doesn't want Penny to go, he doing anything he can on the sly to ...
18The Escape Hatch Identification
09 Mar 2017Description ▼
Raj has posted on social media that he can no longer afford his apartment and is looking for a cheaper place to live. Independent of each other, both Howard and Bernadette and Leonard and Penny want but don't really want to help their friend by offering him a temporary place to stay - the Wolowitz's garage and Sheldon's old bedroom respectively. After all three parties learn about all that is on the table as options for Raj, the collective decide that the best temporary solution would be for Raj to move into Sheldon's old bedroom. Although most knew Sheldon would feel uncomfortable with the situation - like Raj is invading his space - it is some other comments that Sheldon makes about the issue that places a strain between himself and Raj. Knowing that what he is feeling is irrational, Sheldon turns to Beverly for her professional opinion on why he is feeling the way he is. Beverly entering the fray has unintended consequences for all involved. Meanwhile, Sheldon is thinking about ...
19The Collaboration Fluctuation
30 Mar 2017Description ▼
Raj has now moved in with Leonard and Penny. Instead of a roommate for both of them, what Raj becomes is Penny's closest girlfriend, with Leonard feeling left out. It's not even so much that Leonard feels like a third wheel or that Raj is having a better time with his wife than he is that is the problem in Leonard's rational deduction about his emotions. Leonard turns to Howard and Bernadette for solace and advice, they who may be able to provide a different perspective on the matter. Meanwhile, Sheldon has taken an interest in Amy's work on the neuroscience of the decision making process. He believes that throwing a little physics into the mix would lead to a truly revolutionary project, to which Amy agrees. Even with ground rules laid out, Amy and Sheldon have to decide if the successes in the project are worth the anguish of the arguments and name calling which may ultimately ruin their personal relationship.
20The Recollection Dissipation
06 Apr 2017Description ▼
Much to Amy, Leonard and Howard's chagrin, Sheldon boasts that he can work on their two separate projects in the same time that the three of them are working on one. That's why Amy, Leonard and Howard are pleasantly surprised by Sheldon's efficiency, perhaps not so much in the time management itself, but how clearly he can see things with the projects having spent some time away working on the other. But Sheldon's double duty has its consequences, one of them being that he loses his notebook with all his classified notes, he having no idea where, as he has no idea where he's been for about twelve hours during that time when he would have lost it. With Raj's help, Sheldon is able to retrace his steps for those twelve hours, what end up being very surprising steps in more ways than one. Meanwhile, Bernadette is scheduled to go back to work soon, and she is feeling depressed about it if only because she feels like she's abandoning Halley. Not wanting to burden Howard, she doesn't tell ...
21The Separation Agitation
13 Apr 2017Description ▼
Bert announces that he has met who he believes is his soul mate, a woman named Rebecca. The gang invites Bert and Rebecca to dinner at Leonard and Penny's so that they can all get to know this important person in Bert's life. Upon meeting her, they all slowly come to the belief that she is a gold-digger, she only after his money. Beyond what Bert decides to do with the information, the gang discusses what are acceptable and unacceptable reasons for wanting to be with another person as a mate. Meanwhile, it's getting closer to the day that Bernadette will be returning to work, when Halley will be placed in baby day care. Despite Bernadette's apprehension about leaving Halley, one comforting factor is that the day care is at Cal-Tech where Howard has easy access. Only the first day of leaving Halley at day care will show if the collective of Bernadette, Howard and even Stuart are ready to leave her with someone other than the three of them. And Sheldon and Amy host a special edition of ...
22The Cognition Regeneration
27 Apr 2017Description ▼
An event demonstrates to Sheldon that his cognitive abilities are weakening. This thought dismays him for many reasons, including the fact that his time to come up with a Nobel award winning project is getting shorter and shorter. Sheldon having read that taxing one's mental skills makes them sharper, his friends come up with different ideas as skills that Sheldon may learn to help him feel like his mental acuity is strengthening. In the process, Amy comes to some conclusions, including that Sheldon's task is a catch-22 proposition for failure. Meanwhile, Penny, Amy and Bernadette, on a girls' night out, run into Penny's old boyfriend, Zack, who has among his news that he is engaged. He proposes that he, his fiancée, Penny and Leonard go out as a foursome to catch up, Zack who has always liked Leonard. Leonard reluctantly agrees. That reluctance is strengthened when, at dinner, an issue comes to light about Penny's current life, with Zack coming up with a proposition to solve that ...
23The Gyroscopic Collapse
04 May 2017Description ▼
Leonard, Sheldon and Howard, along with their closest friends and loved ones, are celebrating the near completion of the first phase of the military project, the three researchers excited about getting started on the second phase. Their excitement is brought to an abrupt end when they speak to Colonel Williams both about the year they've put into the first phase and about the details about the second phase. They have to figure out a way to deal with the emotional roller coaster. As such, Amy has troubles telling Sheldon, who she not only hopes loves her but believes relies on her, that she has been offered an important research fellowship for the summer at Princeton. She wants to go, her only hesitation being Sheldon. The question then becomes if Sheldon will be a supportive boyfriend or think only of himself. Meanwhile, Bernadette believes she and Howard have to set ground rules about his usual behavior around her whenever he has just completed a project. And Raj has found an ...
24The Long Distance Dissonance
11 May 2017Description ▼
Amy has now started her summer research stint at Princeton. Much to Leonard's chagrin, he has reassumed many of the responsibilities for Sheldon that Amy had taken over when she and Sheldon started seriously dating, such as driving him to specific places. But one of the responsibilities that Leonard can and will not take over may be instead assumed by Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, who Sheldon first met years ago when she was an admiring grad student and who has now reentered his life as she does research at Cal Tech. Sheldon then could not see that Ramona had a romantic interest in him, but now having been in an intimate relationship with Amy, Sheldon may now be more susceptible to romantic female advances. Sheldon and Amy's friends do not know if Ramona is once again after Sheldon, and thus if they should be worried for Amy's sake and do something to intervene or at least inform Amy of Ramona. Things take on new dimensions when Amy does find out about Ramona, and at least one person within ...
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